Violation
by BeethovenRIP
Summary: Jeff and Dixie have been married for four years, today is their fourth anniversary. However, it is tinged with sadness and hurt for the couple as they talk about what happened one year ago to the day. 'It makes me sick just thinking about it, but I will write it down, I made her a promise and I will keep that promise.' PLEASE READ AND REVIEW xx NOW FINALLY COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Four years ago today I married my best mate, today is our wedding anniversary. I admit to have had concerns about marrying her, but, as the years have gone on, I regret nothing. Although our marriage is not conventional in that sense, I couldn't be happier. We don't celebrate our anniversary, she doesn't want to, I think it is because her Dad died the day after we were married finding out that she is really a lesbian. That makes our anniversary a little sad for her. I don't want her to be sad. Last year I decided that I would mark our third anniversary with something special for her, nothing fancy, just a meal out at her favourite restaurant, she would like that. I had great plans for the day when I got up, but, nothing prepared me for what was about to unfold on our shift together. Now here we are, one year on and one more year married, but now it is me who does not want to celebrate our anniversary, not after what happened last year.

I didn't really see the point in writing my feelings down, after all, it was not going to help, but, I promised her that I would try and I would do it. Today is as good as day as any for me to tell the story of what happened on our wedding anniversary. Hopefully as you read it, you will understand how I feel and why I do not want to celebrate our anniversary at the moment. She is hopeful that I will want to after I have shared my thoughts, but I am not too sure. She may be right, she usually is.

This year, it is her that has wanted to celebrate it, she wants to start to be happy together again, she wants to start again and I cannot really blame her, she has been though a lot. I got up this morning and for the first time she had sent me a card, here is what it said:

_To my wonderful husband on our Wedding Anniversary._

_My Dearest Jeffrey _

_Happy Anniversary Love! Today is going to be the start of something new for us, gone are the days of sadness and worry, it is time to move on and start again. I hope you like your present! _

_Love _

_Your Dixie xxxxx _

It brought a small tear to my eye, but I cannot help but think she is right when she says it is time to move on. Maybe it is. Next to the card was a small box wrapped in silver paper, as I opened it, I realised that she had bought me a ring, it wasn't a wedding ring or anything, just a simple ring with a cross like pattern on it. I felt guilty that I had not bought her anything, not even a card.

She said she didn't mind, she wasn't expecting anything, just seeing me smile was enough she said. Although, she repeated her small request, for me to write about the last year. She has promised she won't read it, but will keep it with her one in a box at the back of the wardrobe. So, here I am, sat at the dining room table with pen and paper. What I am about to write down will fill in the gaps, will tell you what happened one year ago. It is not going to be pleasant, as I am writing, I am thinking about how I am going to write it as it makes me feel sick just thinking about what they did. But, I made a promise and I will keep it.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A / N – Look at me, two updates and no reviews yet – not sure if that is a good thing or not. As Jeff is telling this story as he is writing it down, I have tried to include his thoughts. These have been put in brackets with the text in bold and italics. **_

'Alright Jeff' Tamzin called over as she walked towards the ambulance.

'Yeah, you?'

'Not too bad. So, I am working with you again today.' She responded excitedly.

'Nah, I swopped the rotas over, so you have got Norman.'

'You are kidding right?' she said looking quite annoyed at the very prospect of working with Norman. He was a pleasant man, very efficient, but incredibly boring. He had an answer (or shall we say a statistic) for everything.

'Nope, not kidding.' Jeff replied smiling at Tamzin's look of utter horror.

'What have I done to deserve Norman?'

'Nothing, it's just that I would quite like to spend the day with Dixie that's all.' Jeff said looking slightly embarrassed by his show of affection.

'Awwwwwwww how sweet. How comes?' Tamzin asked momentarily forgetting she had been paired up with Mr. Dull.

'It is our wedding anniversary today; Dix never likes to celebrate it because tomorrow marks the third year of her father's death. She gets pretty sad this time of year, so I want to be there with her you know.'

'See, you do care.' Tamzin replied giving his arm a light punch.

'When it comes to her, I would do anything for her.'

'That is really sweet of you Jeff, I am sure Dixie will be pleased. I hope that when I meet Mr Right, he is that thoughtful towards me.'

Jeff smiled at her as she turned away heading towards Norman and the longest 12 hour shift of her life. Jeff, on the other hand stayed put in the ambulance waiting for Dixie to come back with the tea. He hoped the shift would be uneventful, the last thing he needed was a stressed out day and a snappy Dixie to contend with. He didn't need to wait long before a shout came in:

'Holby control to 3006.'

'3006 responding over.'

'We need to you to attend to Miers Lane Woods, reports of an elderly male who has collapsed by the road side. No other information available at present.'

'OK, all received and show us as mobile, over.' Jeff responded before placing the radio back on the dashboard. 'DIXIE COME ON BABE, WE HAVE A SHOUT'

Dixie approached from the back of the ambulance shutting the doors as she got in, walking up to the passenger's side, she sat down confused.

'I thought you were working with Tamzin today?'

'Yeah, I was meant to, but, couldn't face another day of her flirting with me, so, I reckoned I would be safer with you.'

'Bloody cheek. Do I need to have a word with her?'

'Nah, don't be silly, it is just a joke, nothing to worry about Mrs Collier.' Jeff replied as he pulled their ambulance out onto the main road.

'So what we got then.' Dixie asked as they headed out of the town centre towards the outskirts of the city.

'Apparently some old bloke has collapsed by the woods. No other information was available, so who knows what we will be driving into.'

_**(Christ, me and my big mouth – who knows what we will be driving into. If only I had known, I would never have taken the shout.) **_

Dixie nodded her head and continued to look out of the window. Jeff caught her reflection in the mirror and could see that she was sad, she was thinking like she did this time every year. He wondered if she had any regrets, if she had known her father was going to die so quickly, would she have ever married him. It was a thought that crossed his mind each year around this time, but, he dismissed it quickly enough. Jeff had come to the conclusion that if Dixie wasn't happy with the life they had together, she would have divorced him and moved on long ago. The very fact that they were still married showed him she had no regrets.

The drive to the woods was a long one; it was about five miles out from the town and a good two miles away from the nearest area of civilisation. Jeff slowed down as they approached Miers Lane so they could look out for their patient.

'Bet it is a hoax.' Dixie said after Jeff had done two laps of the main road around the woods. They couldn't find anything that bared any resemblance to an elderly collapsed male.

'Yeah, just our luck, first shout of the shift and its bloody time wasters.'

'Whoa, Jeff, stop mate.' Dixie exclaimed as Jeff did as he was told bringing the ambulance to a stop.

'What is it?' Jeff looked to where Dixie was pointing but couldn't see anything.

'I dunno, but I am sure I saw something move over there. Come on, let's grab the kit and have a look.' Before Jeff could respond, Dixie had jumped out and was headed down the embankment.

Running after his partner, Jeff almost slipped down the mud path taking Dixie down with him. 'Why can't they put in a proper path?' he muttered as he regained his balance.

'Because that would defeat the whole object of the woods you Muppet.' Dixie returned as she made sure he was steady before moving on.

As they got to the bottom, Dixie pointed in the direction of where she thought she had seen something.

'Let me go and have a quick look, you stay there for a minute Princess.' Jeff instructed as he headed off leaving Dixie behind. _**(Why didn't we just stay together, if we had of done, I would have seen them, I could have stopped them).**_

Jeff had only moved a few meters away from Dixie when he heard the bloody curdling scream that stopped him dead in his tracks, turning around quickly he was not prepared for what he was seeing.

Two hooded men had hold of his wife, she was struggling and kicking out at them, but they just held onto her tighter causing her to scream louder. The taller one had now placed his gloved hand firmly over her mouth and nose which made her whole face turn red as she continued to try and break away.

'GET OFF HER.' Jeff roared as he dropped the response kit and ran over towards them. As he did the men dragged Dixie backwards towards the woods – she was still kicking out and struggling.

'LEAVE HER ALONE.' Jeff shouted as he continued to run after them.

He didn't get very far as a large wooden bat came from nowhere swinging into him clean into the abdomen causing Jeff to fall to the ground in agony. As his eyes started to water in pain, he caught a glimpse of his partner being dragged out of view into the woods. Sheer adrenalin and determination took over as Jeff stumbled to his feet only to be knocked down again by another blow of the bat. Before he could get up again, a gloved hand placed a white cloth over his nose and mouth, the woods span around as Jeff fell back to the ground, eyes blurring and becoming heavy, he felt himself going to sleep, he tried to fight it and stay awake – he had to find Dixie, he had to help her, but he wasn't that strong. Thee gloved hand returned holding the cloth over his face for longer, as much as Jeff struggled he knew he was getting weaker as the drug took hold knocking him clean out.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A / N – Thank you all for your kind reviews so far. And thank you to the 'Guest' reviews as well; I appreciate your kind words. I have to admit at getting emotional as I wrote this chapter, kind of something to do with something I am going through personally at the moment. Anyway, here is the next update. After this, I may not get chance to update again till next week. **_

_**Oh, just a reminder, Jeff's current thoughts as he reflects on this story is in brackets, bold and in italics. WARNING – Content hinted at may be upsetting. **_

Jeff found himself slowly coming to in the woods. As he started to wake up, his head throbbed with pain with a feeling of nausea sweeping through him. As he slowly opened his eyes, his body jerked as the need to be sick overwhelmed him catching him completely off guard. Jeff steadied himself against a nearby tree, he brought his hand up to his face touching his eyes letting out a groan. Slowly the woods stopped spinning as the pain in his abdomen came to the fore. Jeff lightly rubbed his stomach in the hopes to soothe the pain but this didn't work.

As he took in his surroundings, he remembered what had happened to him, but, more importantly, what had happened to Dixie. His blood ran cold as he glanced around not being able to see her anywhere. He was filled with utter dread and fear.

'DIXIE?' he shouted as loud as his body would allow him to. No response.

'DIXIE WHERE ARE YOU?' Jeff continued. Still no response.

'DIX PLEASE ANSWER ME' He was becoming increasingly worried at the silence that surrounded him, the uncertainty of not knowing whether his partner was dead, alive or injured was a feeling he wanted to get rid of and quickly.

Remembering that the men dragged her backwards towards the woods, Jeff slowly turned around still using a tree to balance himself in that direction. As much as it scared him to death as to what he would find, he had to go after her. He had to help her.

'DIXIE' Jeff continued to shout as he waded into the woods. Still nothing.

'DIXIE PLEASE' Jeff was practically pleading now, this was one feeling he didn't want to ever experience, not now, not ever.

'DDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' He called once more tears starting to form in his eyes as he continued to move into the woods.

(_**I don't think I can truly describe the fear I felt at this point. Unless you have experienced it, you could never imagine how I felt knowing that the person I love in this world had been dragged away from me, had been attacked, injured, God only knows what. Nothing can describe the feeling of helplessness and shear fright). **_

Jeff caught sight of their ambulance still parked up on the road. A small glimmer of hope rose from within him as he wondered if Dixie had got away, ran back to the ambulance and locked herself in. No matter how small that hope was, Jeff was determined to cling onto it.

Making his way up the grassy embankment, he kept his eye on the ambulance and his surroundings, the last thing he needed was to be jumped or taken by surprise again. When he got level, he almost ran over in the hopes that he would open the door to find Dixie in there, safe. Jeff slowly put his hand on the back door handle to pull it open, closing his eyes as he did so keeping the mental image of Dixie running towards him throwing her arms around him in relief.

But

No

Nothing

An Empty Ambulance

No Dixie

Just Silence

Jeff felt tears run down his face, where was she? What have they done to her? Will I find her? Will I be able to help her? Immediately, the Paramedic in him took over as he grabbed the Response Kit, Oxygen Bag and a blanket. She would need help when he found her, he needed to be prepared. Swinging it onto his left shoulder, he closed the back doors and scanned the road. Where could they have taken her?

Jeff didn't know what direction to take, if he went the wrong way, he might lose her, if he went the right way, would he find her or would he walk straight into an ambush? _**(What would you have done? It is hard to really write down what was going through my head at this point, as I am writing now, I am feeling sick and upset. I felt helpless, I still feel like I really let her down. Nevertheless I had to find her; I had to be with her). **_

Deciding to head back into the woods, Jeff made sure he had his radio on him. He could have radioed through to control, but he wanted to find her first. Control could wait.

Jeff carefully stumbled through the woods keeping a eye on the path a head, to the side and behind him all the time looking for any clue as to where Dixie was, checking he was not being followed. He decided against calling her name out in case he alerted the men that he was coming. He wanted to be a quiet a possible, he thought that was the best hope Dixie had.

As Jeff pushed back some branches he came into a clearing. He froze, feet rooted to the stop as he saw her on the floor. She was alone sitting up against a tree hugging her legs, head buried down into her knees. As he stood there unable to move, he noticed that her normally well brushed and straightened blonde hair was a mess with bits of leaf, grass and other foliage in it. But that wasn't what made him stop. That wasn't the worst of it.

_**(What I am about to tell you is far from pretty, in fact it is nauseating, but, Dix wants me to write everything down, so I shall. Maybe by reading this, you can understand why I froze, why I couldn't run over to her, why I was violently sick there and then).**_

No, that wasn't what made him stop, he had realised something, something that made his blood run cold, made his face turn white, made him cry harder, made him sick, sick to the stomach. Dixie was sat wearing nothing but her fluorescent Ambulance Coat, her boots were thrown in the bushes next to where Jeff was stood, her trousers and belt were in a heap on the floor in the middle of the clearing.

'No, oh my God please no.' Jeff whispered to himself as the tears continued to fall. 'Please, not to Dixie, please God no, not to her.'

_**A /N – Well, something to ponder as to what really happened to her. I hope the content in this chapter has not gone too far and I have not offended anyone. Thank you for reading. **_


	4. Chapter 4

**A / N – Ok, so I wasn't planning on updating so soon, but had some time spare. Thank you for your reviews. Again, the bold and italics bit are Jeff's current thoughts as he recalls events. **

Jeff was still rooted to his spot looking down at his partner, his best friend, his wife sat there hugging her naked legs. A million thoughts raced through his mind as to what they had done to her, all of them made him sick. A million more emotions raged through him, he was upset, dumbfounded, shaken and angry, Jeff was very angry. The after effects of the drug were taking their toll on him, the pain in his abdomen was becoming more intense, but, he had to stay strong for Dixie, she needed him right now and he was determined to be there for her.

When he was sure he could keep his emotions in check, he slowly approached her before he crouched down in front of her, and she still didn't look up.

'Dixie?' he said softly.

Dixie raised her head making eye contact with Jeff, he took in her incredibly pale complexion, tears soaked her face and her eyes were red. She didn't let go of her legs, she didn't say anything to him, she simply stared at him.

'It's OK Dix, I am here now.' Jeff said as he lent forward placing his arms around her giving her a hug. (_**It was like I was hugging a stone statue, there was no emotion from her, no feeling, and no warmth. We had hugged that morning when I gave her a card and present, she flung her arms around me snuggling her head into my neck, I could feel her warmth then, but now, nothing. It was as if she was not there anymore, they had taken my Dixie from me). **_

Jeff continued to hold her feeling himself well up. He couldn't cry, he had to be strong for her no matter what. Slowly, he released his arms returning to look at her again. He didn't want to ask her what had happened; he knew she wouldn't respond to him. All he knew is that they were not safe where they were, they needed to get back to the ambulance.

Jeff slowly moved her hands away from her legs, as he did, he noticed deep purple bruises forming on her wrists, he could only imagine her being held down as they attacked her. Taking a deep breath, Jeff looked again at her face, no injuries were evident. He decided to check the back of her head, so, he moved her forward resting her against his shoulder as he felt her head. That is when he noticed the blood on her back and where she was sat.

'Oh Dixie, what did they do to you?' he whispered into her ear. No response.

Jeff slowly moved her back so she was restring against the tree as he opened her jacket. Her shirt was torn along with the white t shirt underneath; he could see cuts and marks on her chest and stomach. Bruises were also forming, but nothing that a cleanup wouldn't solve. Taking another deep breath, he turned his attention to looking at her legs, as he moved them; he saw more blood and bruises at the top of her thighs, they were scratched badly. A wave of sickness hit him out of nowhere causing him to be uncontrollably sick on the floor. _**(It dawned on me what they had done to her, I didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was there for all to see, I felt sick but intensely angry that someone could do that to someone as innocent as her. She didn't deserve it, what had she done wrong). **_

Jeff had to radio for help, he couldn't get them to the ED on his own:

'3006 to control'

'Go ahead'

'Urgent assistance required at Miers Lane Woods. We have been attacked and I need help. Another crew and Police on standby at the ED.'

'Received, despatching another crew now.'

Jeff replaced the radio to his pocket before getting up, he helped Dixie to her feet before wrapping the blanket firmly around her tying it securely just under her arm before zipping her jacket up. He knew he had to get her clothes, they might be able to find something on them, so, grabbing the response kit, oxygen bag, Dixie's clothes and Dixie herself, Jeff guided them back to the ambulance where they can wait for the other unit.

He didn't seem to be waiting long before Tamzin and Norman arrived.

'What happened?' Tamzin shouted as she ran over to them.

'We were ambushed, Dixie has been attacked, I need to get her back to the ED.' Jeff said

'Right, well, let's get her on the trolley.' Tamzin replied as the pair of them moved Dixie settling her onto the trolley. Tamzin noticed Jeff wincing as he moved his wife, 'what about you?'

'Oh it's nothing, don't worry about me, let's just get Dixie in.'

'Jeff, we need to check you over.' Norman said as he climbed up into the ambulance.

'Look, I said I am fine, just let's get Dixie in, please.' Jeff retorted, his pain both physically and emotionally clearly written on his face.

Tamzin and Norman exchanged looks before Norman left returning o his ambulance, Tamzin got into the driver's seat as Jeff settled down next to Dixie in the back. As he strapped her in and took her readings, he felt her hold his hand. He didn't realise it, but she was looking at him, Jeff stopped, sat down and returned her gaze. She still didn't say anything, she simply stared at him, her eyes and face emotionless, she was vacant.

'I am here Dix, and I am not going anywhere.' Jeff whispered. 'You are safe now Princess.' _**(But, I couldn't keep her safe. I promised her father that I would look out for her, I would protect her. Dixie had been assaulted in the worst possible way, and where was I, out cold barely feet from her. I will never forget that moment I found her, like I will never forget holding the person I love and not receiving any emotion back; they had taken her from me in more ways than one. Would I ever get her back?) **_

The doors to the ED flung open as Norman and Tamzin wheeled Dixie in who was still holding onto Jeff. They were intercepted by Dylan and Fletch who took Jeff to one side breaking the contact he had with Dixie, all he could do was watch her being taken from him again. She never stopped looking at him though until the doors closed.

'No, I need to be with her.' Jeff pleaded.

'No you don't, you have been knocked out by an unknown drug that is clouding your judgement, not to mention the blow you have taken to your abdomen. I don't think I need to tell you that you may have internal bleeding.' Dylan rattled off.

'I don't care; I need to be with her.'

'Right, well have it your way.' Dylan said as he turned to Fletch. 'Take him to CDU.'

Just a Fletch was about to turn Jeff around in the direction of CDU they were stopped in their tracks by a huge scream. Jeff knew it was Dixie, turning on his heel he ran straight into HDC where he saw Dixie thrashing about on the bed, Zoe, Linda and Tess were trying to calm her down, but she was hysterical, she was screaming, crying, kicking and punching at them whenever anyone of them went near her.

'Dixie, we need to check you over, we need to examine you.' Tess said as she tried, but failed, to get close to Dixie.

'Dixie, this is not helping, the police want to see you and we have to examine you.' Zoe spoke over the noise as she too tried, and failed, to calm Dixie down.

Jeff's heart was being torn in two, it was heart breaking watching Dixie, but he knew they were right. If they stood any chance of catching the people who attacked her, she needed to be examined. Jeff walked calmly over to the side of Dixie's bed.

'Dixie' he said softly. It seemed to do the trick, Dixie turned to face him, her eyes red, her sobs loud and uncontrollable. Falling into his arms she wept bitterly into his chest. As much as it hurt him both physically and emotionally, all Jeff could do was let her cry. He held her tightly stroking her head and back in an attempt to calm her down.

'It's OK babe, it's ok.'

_**A / N – I had kind of written this in my head, but I forgot bits. I hope you have enjoyed the update, sorry if it is fluffy in places. **_


	5. Chapter 5

Jeff stood in HDC holding Dixie tightly against him, he was still rubbing her head and back in attempts to calm her down, it seemed to be working. He found himself getting lost in his thoughts as to what had happened to her, what they had done to her. He could feel his blood boiling, but, he had to keep himself in check, he couldn't explode.

'Jeff, we need to examine Dixie.' Zoe said as she slowly approached the two of them. Jeff merely nodded in response. He knew Zoe was right, if they were to get any proof or evidence, they needed to act now.

Dixie had slowed down in her sobbing, it wasn't as loud or uncontrollable as it had been five minutes ago, Jeff was worried she would bring on an asthma attack, but, she didn't although her breathing was becoming more rushed and panicked. She still kept her head buried in Jeff's chest not realising the physical pain he was in.

'Jeff, I know this is hard for you, but we need to check her over and you to need checking over.' Zoe urged just as the door to HDC flew open making all their heads turn to the slender brunette that had just walked in carrying large case with her.

'Dr Zoe Hanna?' she asked

'Yep, that's me.' Zoe replied moving away from Jeff and Dixie towards the new person in the room.

'My name is Cas Lomas. I am the FME with Holby City Police. I have come to assist you with the examination of an Ms Kathleen Collier.'

'Mrs Collier' Jeff butted in whilst still hugging Dixie.

The FME looked over to the pair before she responded 'Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise.'

'It's OK' Zoe said. 'I am afraid we haven't yet had a chance to check her over, she has been quite hysterical.'

'That is totally understandable, possible delayed shock to the trauma she has experienced.' She responded. 'Is that her partner?'

'Yeah, that is Jeff, her partner.' Zoe replied

'I take it he was also present at the attack, has he spoken to Police yet?'

'No, not yet, he has been calming Kathleen down for us so we could start our examination.' Zoe said looking over at the pair once more.

'Well, he seems to have done the trick. Has her next of kin been informed?' The FME asked.

'Yes'

Both women looked up and over at this point as Jeff had answered for them. 'I am her next of kin, I'm Mr Collier.'

The FME looked over to Zoe for confirmation which she received in the form of a nod. She then walked slowly and calmly over to Jeff and Dixie as she addressed him in a calm and professional manner.

'Mr Collier, as you know we need to examine your wife to see if we can gather any DNA that will help us to find who attacked her. The longer we leave it, the less we will find. Now, I do understand how heartbreaking this is for you, but you also need to get yourself checked out and talk to one of my colleagues. We will look after her and make her as comfortable as possible, but I do need to ask you to leave.'

Jeff nodded in response, he knew she was right, he knew he had to leave Dixie to be examined, the thought of the examination made him feel sick again, but he knew that however invasive it was, it would provide a clue as to who did it and was nothing compared to what she had gone through. He was determined to catch them and make them pay for committing the worst possible crime imaginable to someone who did nothing to deserve it.

'Could you give me a minute please?' Jeff asked.

'Certainly.'

Slowly Jeff moved Dixie's head out of his chest and rested her back onto the bed. He then took up a perch on the side of her bed moving the hair out of her eyes, taking her hands in his; he stared into her deep blue eyes as he spoke to her.

'Mate, I have to go now. Zoe, Tess and Linda are going to stay with you while the Doctor from the Police examines you.' It took a little while for his words to sink in, and as it did, Dixie began shaking her head pleading with him to stay. This made Jeff emotional, it was tearing him apart, but he knew it was for the best.

'Princess, I am not allowed to stay with you while they check you over. I have to go and speak to the Police myself, but I promise to come straight back and be with you. Tess will come and sit here with you, hold your hand and talk to you.' Jeff said this as more of a request rather than to keep Dixie calm.

Dixie continued to shake her head repeating the word no, over and over again. She had moved her hands from under his to clutching onto his wrists, turning her hands white with the immense pressure she applied.

'Babe, you are safe, no one is going to hurt you here, I promise. I need you to stay strong for me, let the doctors check you over and I will be straight back. I need to go now, but know that I love you and will be here with you.'

As Jeff got up, he released Dixie's hold on him as he got out his wallet taking out a small photo. He placed this in her hands as she looked down at it. 'See, there I am with Little Abs, we will be here with you the whole time. Now, I am going to go and talk to the Police, Tess is here to talk to you and hold your hand.' Jeff looked behind him to make sure Tess was there, she was and was already holding Dixie's hand.

Jeff left his perch leaning over to give Dixie a kiss on her forehead before moving towards the doors.

'Thank you Mr Collier, I do appreciate how hard this is for you and your wife, but, we will do our very best to find the people responsible.' The FME replied as her and Zoe moved towards Dixie who was still looking down at the photo.

Taking one last glance, Jeff opened the door and left the room. Fletch and Dylan was stood just outside waiting for him as he walked out. Things had taken its toll on him; everything seemed to hit him at once. Jeff felt his legs give way beneath him as the corridor span; finally he succumbed to his own injuries collapsing onto the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A / N – Thank you for all the kind reviews so far. Here is the next instalment. The comments in the Bold Brackets are Jeff's thoughts as he continues to reflect on the events. **_

'Are we able to talk with Mr Collier yet? The police man asked as he stood just outside the cubicle as Dylan pushed back the curtains.

'Well, you could although you won't get anything out of him at the moment.' Dylan replied in his usual deadpan way.

'Meaning?' the policeman urged unimpressed by Dylan's attitude.

'Meaning that if it has escaped your powers of observation, he is still slightly unconscious. He is suffering with the after effects of an unknown drug that was used to knock him out, we are trying to replace lost fluids and provide pain relief. Oh, and not to mention the fact he was hit repeatedly in the stomach with a wooden implement which at best has cracked four ribs, at worse, he could have internal bleeding and a ruptured spleen, we won't know until I get him in for a scan. But, by all means, go in a have a little chat.' Dylan rattled off as he left them to it.

_**(It was like I was watching that whole conversation take place from the other side of the room, I felt like I was looking on, seeing Dylan talking to the Police, seeing myself lying on the bed not moving, it was a strange feeling, but all I kept thinking about was Dixie, was she alright? Had her examination finished? Could I see her?) **_

Jeff felt himself slowly coming to, his head pounded with an awful headache, he felt sick and dizzy, all that was before he could full focus on the pain in his stomach. He tried to sit up, but each time was pushed back by the immense pain that soared through him. On seeing he was waking up, the police wasted no time in jumping in to speak to him before Dylan came back and read them the riot act once more.

'Mr Collier?'

Jeff nodded.

'I am Sergeant Walker and this is PC Smith, we are here to ask you a few questions about the attack on you and Mrs Collier.'

Jeff nodded again.

'From what we have ascertained from Ambulance dispatch, you were called to Miers Lane Woods after reports an elderly man had collapsed?'

'Yeah'

'Could you talk us through what happened when you got there?' The Sergeant asked as he nudged his colleague to start taking notes.

Jeff spoke as clearly and calmly as he could recounting the fact that Dixie had seen something in the woods and he had gone to investigate. He told them about the men who had dragged her off and hit him with a wooden bat before smothering him with a drug laced white cloth. Jeff then went on to say how he searched for Dixie and found her half naked in the woods.

'So there were at least three of them?'

'Yes.'

'Could you describe them for us?'

'About my height, if not a little bit shorter, medium in build I guess. They had hoods up and their faces covered with a scarf like thing, so I couldn't see who they were.' Jeff said, he could feel the headache and nausea subsiding, it must have been the pain relief kicking in.

'Thank you Mr Collier, we will put this with Mrs Collier's statement and will be in touch.'

Jeff weakly smiled as they left the cubicle quickly upon noticing Fletch and Dylan returning.

'Ah, you are awake; well that's a good sign.' Dylan said looking at Jeff's chart. 'Right, well you don't seem to have suffered lasting damage from whatever they used to knock you out but you have broken at least four ribs. We will send you for a scan shortly just to be sure you have not sustained any internal injuries. I don't think you have otherwise you would have bled out by now, so let's count our blessings.'

Once more Dylan left leaving Fletch to check Jeff's vitals.

'Any news on Dix yet mate?' Jeff asked

'Well, she is still with the Police last I heard. They have checked her over and she is now giving her statement.'

'I should be in there with her; she cannot do it on her own.' Jeff said starting to get up; however, Fletch pushed him back down.

'You are not in any fit state to go anywhere not until you have lad your scan at least. Tess is with her, so don't worry, she will be fine. If you want I will see if she has finished and get Tess to bring her up to you.'

Jeff nodded, he knew Fletch was right, but it pained him to think Dixie was going through events without him there to hold her hand. _**(Don't get me wrong, I am glad Tess was with her, if there is one person Dixie trusts – apart from me I hope – it is Tess. I just wished I was the one there holding her hand, but maybe it was a good thing as I would have only have got even more angry at the yobs who attacked her.) **_

Dixie sat on the bed in HDC unaware of what had happened to Jeff, she didn't know (and they had decided not to tell her) that he had been knocked out with some kind of drug and repeatedly hit with a wooden bat. Zoe and Tess thought is best that she remained in the dark about her partner's injuries and current medical state; they did not want her to become hysterical again.

The FME had not long left; Dixie was staring at the photo Jeff had left her running her finger over his face. Tess remained by her side throughout the whole examination. She had been a nurse for long enough and had been present at these sorts of examinations many a time, but seeing a close friend go through it was something she had not experienced. She had promised Jeff she would look after Dixie, and she had done that to the best of her ability, but there was a part of her that felt she had let Dixie down. She had watched as she winced and cried silent tears during the examination, there was nothing Tess could have done for her friend. At least she seemed a little more peaceful now, Tess thought to herself.

'Would you like a cup of tea?' Tess asked earning a shake of the head from Dixie who was still looking down.

'Dixie, the police want to talk to you. Do you feel up to it?' Tess asked, again, Dixie shook her head.

'I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, but, you need to talk to them so they can start to find who did this to you.' Dixie shook her head again. Tess let out a sigh, what shall I do now? Looking around the room as if to find answers, she caught sight of Zoe beckoning her out of HDC. 'I will be back in a minute.'

Walking out, she could tell things were not right. 'What's wrong?'

'Jeff, he has collapsed, Dylan seems to think he has broken a few ribs, they are going to take him for a scan to check for internal injuries.'

'OK, well, I still think it is best not to tell Dixie.' Zoe nodded at Tess' suggestion, but she couldn't help but notice that something else was preying on Zoe's mind. 'Zoe, what else is there?'

'The FME has asked us to find out when Dixie last had her period. The Police asked Jeff the same question, he thinks she had her period about two weeks ago, but couldn't be sure.'

A sudden look of dawning came over Tess, 'That means, if Jeff is right, she is right in the middle of her cycle…. That could mean….oh my Lord….Dixie could be pregnant?'

Zoe nodded in confirmation. 'If Jeff is right then yes. We need to find out from Dixie in a way that she won't suspect anything to be sure. The FME wants to see if this is the case and do a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks. Tess, how are we going to ask her without arising suspicion? She could be pregnant by one of the three scumbags that raped her.'

'Does Jeff know?'

'I don't know, the police are going to go back and speak with him once he comes back from his scan. This puts a whole new spin on events, how are they going to get through this if she is pregnant?'

'I don't know, but right now, our priority is Dixie and her well being. We cannot leave her on her own, as hard as it will be Zoe, we need to find out from her.' Tess said placing a comforting arm on Zoe as the pair walked back into HDC to ask Dixie the one question they dreaded.


	7. Chapter 7

'Mr Collier, sorry to bother you again so soon after we spoke last time, but we need some more information from you please?' The young constable asked as he gingerly approached Jeff. He hadn't long been back from his scan, he was tired but at the same time anxious to get to Dixie.

'Well, it is not as if I am going anywhere is it. I don't know what more I can tell you really.' Jeff replied trying to mask the panic that started to rise from within him, he was nervous as to what he would be asked and if he could answer it, for Dixie's sake he would try.

'Mr Collier, the FME has completed her examination of your wife and has collected some samples for analysis. Now, what I need to talk to you about is quite sensitive and I will understand if you wanted to stop at any time.' (_**I was immediately worried as to what he was going to tell me, deep down I already knew that Dixie had been raped, as much as I didn't want to believe it, I knew that was the case. However, that did not prepare me for the conversation I was about to have with a complete stranger, nothing remained sacred anymore, everything was out in the open, ready for more scrutiny). **_

'Mr Collier, it does appear from our initial findings that your wife was sexually assaulted today.'

'Oh God.' Jeff felt his voice shaking, it seemed that by hearing someone else say it, it hit him harder, and he had to face up to it.

'Mr Collier, we haven't yet been able to speak to your wife, but I have been asked to find out from you when her last period was.'

'Why do you need to know that?' Jeff asked, he was still groggy and confused. What did her cycle have to do with anything?

'Mr Collier, could you answer my question?' The young officer continued.

'Umm, a couple of weeks ago I think.' Jeff responded.

'Thank you Mr Collier. I now need to ask you if you have had sexual intercourse with your wife in the last 48 hours. If you have, we will need to collect a sample from you so that we can match it up to what we find.'

Jeff lay there totally dumbstruck by what the officer had just asked. Did he really need to answer that question? What would people think if he did? They all knew Dixie was a Lesbian, would they believe what Jeff said? _**(I knew he had to ask questions, but I wasn't expecting that. I started to wonder what he was getting at, where this was going, it was bizarre to say the least. I wanted to shout at him that he should be using his energy to find my wife's rapist, not questioning me about our sex life. The truth is, we had made love to each other, that morning. I don't know how it happened, but it just did. I gave her the present, she flung her arms around me, next thing I know we are sharing a passionate kiss and ended up in bed. I needed to be truthful for her sake and not worry about how it would make us look or what our friends would say). **_

'That's a bit personal isn't it?' Jeff responded.

'I am aware of that Mr Collier, but we do need to know.'

'This morning.' Jeff said quietly bowing his head towards the ground avoiding eye contact with the officer.

'Right, well we will definitely need a sample from you especially if it was unprotected.'

'It was'. Jeff said, he was almost ashamed of what they had done that morning, it had, after all, come from nowhere.

'Right, well, I will ask the nurse to provide you with a pot for your sample then Mr Collier, that way we can compare it against the other three samples.'

'Wait, hang on there a minute, you said three. What do you mean three samples?' Jeff asked raising his voice slightly although it was shaking uncontrollably by this point.

'Oh, nothing Mr Collier.'

'No, tell me what is with all these questions, what is going on, I demand to know.' Jeff retorted, nostrils flaring with anger, not directed against the officer, but more at the situation again. The young officer shifted awkwardly on the spot unsure of how to respond before his superior walked in to take charge of the situation.

'Mr Collier, there is no easy way to tell you, but it looks like your wife has been raped by three different men and, if you are correct in your answer about her last period, you may need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she could be pregnant.'

Jeff really didn't know how to respond to this one, he sat there, jaw dropping to the ground, eyes wide, colour draining from his face. The realisation of what had happened had sunk in, Dixie had been raped by three people and there was nothing he could do. Now he was faced with the possibility that she could be pregnant with another man's child. This, again, was all too much for him to handle, Jeff was sick all over the floor as he passed out for the third time that day.

Meanwhile, still unaware of what was going on, Dixie was now dressed in scrubs and a fleece sat in Tess' office. She was still holding the picture but had been persuaded to have a cup of tea and talk to the police. She was still really anxious and worried about what to say, she felt violated, dirty, cheap and used. All she could think of was Jeff; would he still want me now? She continued to look back at the picture thinking back to that morning, they had done something totally unexpected, but she didn't regret it. Now, she wondered what their life would be like together and how he would feel about being with her. She hated herself, she hated who she was, she needed to get clean again, she wanted to scrub and scrub her skin off. It made her skin crawl even more, she wanted to get out of this body and go back to how she was at home that morning.

'Dixie, the police are here to talk to you.' Tess said as she entered the room with two female officers. Dixie looked up, tears forming in her eyes.

'Dixie, do you need anything else?' Tess asked her friend.

Dixie nodded. Tess moved in closer to hear what she said, Dixie's voice barely above a whisper. 'I want Jeff; I want my husband here while I talk to the police.'

'OK, I will call up to CDU and speak to Dylan', turning to the police she said, 'Could you wait outside please?'

Dixie continued to sit in the office; she couldn't do this without Jeff. There was a part of her that knew he would fly off the handle and become protective, but, she didn't want to have to explain it a second time to him when they got home, he needed to hear it and she needed his support.

The door flew open again revealing Jeff, he ran into the office as Dixie got up and ran over to him, the pair collided in the middle falling into each other's arms, Dixie couldn't stop the tears that fell and neither could Jeff. He knew she didn't know about the possibility she could be pregnant, that was a burden he would have to keep to himself. For the second time, he rubbed her back,

'I am here Princess; we will get through this together, like we always do.'

Dixie moved away from him nodding her head as she wiped her eyes. Jeff raised his finger to help her before rubbing her cheek.

'Are you ready Babe?'

'No, no, I don't want to do this Jeff, I am scared.'

'I know Princess, so am I, but you need to talk to them, I am here and I am not going anywhere. You have been so brave so far, be brave for me Dixie.'

Dixie nodded falling back into his arms as he gave the police the signal to come in and talk.


	8. Chapter 8

'I'm being punished aren't I?' this was the first time Dixie had spoken since they had got home over three hours ago. They had sat in silence at the table playing with their take away Chinese, neither really wanting it. Dixie had gone off to have another shower while Jeff tried to watch some TV to take his mind off of what he had heard her tell the police. It was a harrowing experience for her, one he couldn't quite comprehend. Now, they were lying in bed trying to get to sleep.

'Ay. What do you mean by that?' Jeff said as he turned over placing his arm around her waist. Dixie still faced away from him on her side.

'I am being punished, I know I am.'

'Dix, babe, you are not making any sense, what do you mean you are being punished?'

'For what we did this morning. I am a lesbian Jeff; I am not meant to fancy men let alone have sex with them. I am being punished for what we did this morning.'

'No, God, no Dixie. None of this is your fault. You are not being punished. Please don't blame yourself for anything.'

'Well how else would you explain it? We had sex this morning and then….. well, you know. I am being punished for something.'

Jeff could feel tears forming in his eyes, how could she think any of this was her fault, how could she think that someone upstairs was punishing her for sleeping with him? Jeff didn't couldn't even begin to understand what was going through her mind, how she was feeling, how she will be tomorrow, the day after and the day after that. He was certain that it wasn't her fault, none of this was.

'I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want me anymore, I don't want me anymore.' Dixie continued. _**(It pained me to hear her say that. She honestly thought that God was punishing her for forgetting she was a lesbian and sleeping with me. She honestly thought that I wouldn't want her anymore, she thought she was damaged. I had to try and convince her this wasn't the case, but that moment wasn't the time, so, I simply told her that I loved her, stroked her head and gave her a kiss. What more could I have done for her?) **_

The night seemed to go on forever, neither really willing to sleep although both were absolutely shattered. They simply tossed and turned most of the night until Jeff noticed Dixie had fallen asleep at around 3.30am, he watched her, she seemed peaceful, he studied her features again, from the outside no one would know what she had been subjected to, but on the inside he knew she was hurting. He hoped that, for a few hours at least, she will get some peace. Tomorrow was going to be a tough enough day for the pair of them.

_**(I couldn't tell you what time I fell asleep, but I obviously did at some point. Next thing I remember was the light streaming in through our bedroom curtains, I can remember looking at the clock which read 9.00am. It was odd, I never really sleep in late, Dixie does though, but she wasn't there, she was back in the bathroom having another shower trying to get herself clean. No amount of scrubbing was going to take that feeling of dirt - of violation from her, she knew that as much as I did, but, she later said it made her feel better, the more she washed the more clean she felt.) **_

Jeff slowly got up and out of bed, the bruises on his stomach were really showing, his ribs hurt. He walked over to their ensuite watching as Dixie continued to wash and scrub, he could hear her crying and becoming frustrated with everything, but felt helpless at the same time. As he got dressed, he kept on thinking over what the police had told him, she had been raped by three men, she could be pregnant with another man's child, that she was held down and hit as she was raped before being left alone while they walked away laughing. Looking up at his wife again who was coming out of the shower, Jeff still couldn't believe that she would blame herself for this.

'We had better get ready for work?' Dixie said as she proceeded to pull her clothes out of the drawer throwing them onto the bed.

'You cannot be serious Dix.' Jeff replied

'Deadly.'

'Babe, we have been given leave, we need to take it, and we cannot go into work, not like this.'

'Well, you do whatever you want. I am going.'

_**(I didn't want to get angry with her, not today, but I did. I hate shouting at her, I hate being cross with her, but she was being stupid and needed telling, so I snapped and told her - yet again Jeff Collier engaged mouth before brain and it had disastrous consequences). **_

'For fucks sake, we are not going into work, do you hear me. We have been given leave and we will fucking well take it. Stop being stupid and do as you are told for once.' Jeff roared at his wife causing her to stop dead in her tracks, he could see the hurt and shock on her face, he felt immediately guilty especially when he noticed she was shaking. _**(Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have shouted like that at her, I was just so frustrated, not at her but at the situation). **_

'Dix, I didn't mean to shout at you, I am really sorry babe.' Jeff spoke as he slowly got up from the bed to approach his wife who was still shaking. As he got nearer, she started to back away from him; she backed herself into a corner and moved to protect herself. She stood there trembling uncontrollably shaking her head begging for him to stop and leave her alone.

'Please don't come any closer, don't touch me, please leave me alone.'

_**(She has never reacted like that to one of my tantrums before; I usually get a good hard slap across the cheek and told to grow up before she storms off. But this time, she was scared, scared that I was going to harm her, scared that I was going to attack her. Did she really think I was about to push her onto the bed and rape her as well?)**_

'Dixie, I am sorry, please come here, I really didn't mean to snap at you. Please Dix' Jeff said as he edged closer to a nervous Dixie.

'No, I said No; why don't you listen, go away, leave me alone, you men don't listen, get out, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT.' She screamed at him, face red with tears that she cried, it was clear that she was having trouble trusting anyone at the moment especially Jeff.

'Ok, ok babe, I am going.' Jeff said as he backed out of their bedroom onto the landing. 'Look, I have moved away, is that OK with you? You need to calm down Princess, I am not going to hurt you, and you know that. Take some deep breaths, come on babe.'

Dixie seemed to calm herself down, she had really worked herself up into a state, however, her breathing had become fast, her heart and head were pounding, all Jeff could do was look on as she slid down the wall and sat on the floor crying into her hands. Should he go in and hold her or let her be? He didn't want to freak her out anymore than he had done, had he lost her trust and faith in him?

Deciding he couldn't stand and watch, he moved back to her side, sliding down the wall himself so he was next to her. Dixie looked up into his eyes and fell again into his arms.

'I'm sorry Jeff, I'm sorry.'

'You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me, nothing.' Jeff said softly as he stroked her head again.

'I'm sorry I got attacked, it is my fault I got attacked, they said I deserved it, that I had been asking for it.'

This hit Jeff just as hard as the wooden bat had done yesterday, what did she mean by that?

_**A / N – I know this chapter is seriously flakey, but I wanted to post a quick update. **_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A / N - Typed this on my phone so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews. Much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this update. **_

"Mr and Mrs Collier thank you for allowing us to come and talk to you about the assault. We do understand this is an extremely difficult time for you both right now." The detectives walked into the lounge taking a seat on the two armchairs while Dixie and Jeff sat close together on the sofa. It had been a really difficult couple of days for the pair of them. Tempers were frayed, arguments were now common place in the Collier household along with crying and hugging either way they were close now sat there together holding hands. They looked on nervously as the detective took out a file of papers placing them on his lap.

"Mr Collier could you read through your statement and if it is a true and accurate account of events please print and sign. Before you do I must stress that you will be required to give evidence in court and the statement will be used."

Jeff nodded in confirmation taking the statement reading it through with Dixie. When he was satisfied it was accurate he signed earning him a light kiss from his wife. Jeff was ashamed by his statement as it wouldn't help in anyway. He felt he had let her down, broken the promise he made to her father. This had been cause for the most recent argument. Jeff had told Dixie that his statement wasn't a lot to go on and he felt bad. This in turn had lead to her making a comment about what she had been subjected to and that he was not helping anymore. Before they knew it they were at each other's throats. Dixie was so angry she threw a mug at him (which he dodged) as it smashed on the wall. Then came the crying and hugging. Jeff knew Dixie was finding it hard to cope with everything; she wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating but was cleaning and tidying. All she did was tidy. Jeff tried to help her but he didn't feel he made a difference. Squeezing her hand he turned to face the detectives again.

"Mrs Collier. I am afraid we need to ask you some more questions. When we spoke at the hospital you were still in shock so we would like to clarify a few things with you. Is that ok?"

"Yes that's fine. I understand" Dixie answered holding onto Jeff for support. He was incredibly proud of her she put on a brave face even though she was hurting inside.

"Mrs Collier could you tell us what they said to you as you were attacked?"

"Hang on does she really need to answer that?"Jeff asked but before the detective could answer, Dixie had started talking.

"Only one spoke. He said I had it coming, he said I deserved it that people like me needed teaching a lesson."

"What do you think he meant by that Mrs Collier?"

"He said that lesbians needed to be shown what they were missing. He said that I was wasted and needed to be taught a lesson."

"What did he mean by calling you a lesbian?" The detective pushed looking over at Jeff who was looking down at the floor.

"I am, well was a lesbian. Then I met Jeff and things changed. I don't know who they were at first I thought the voice sounded familiar but I couldn't be sure. I just don't get it. What did I do to deserve that?" Dixie turned to face Jeff, tears started to roll down her face. "What did I do Jeff?" Taking her into his arms he faced the Police:

"I think this is still too raw. Can we do this another time?"

"Yes Mr Collier but we have some information to share with the pair of you. It appears that one of the attackers came into the station earlier to confess. The initial interview tells us that he is disgusted with what he did."

"So he bloody should be. Him and his yobbo mates raped my wife" Jeff spat back at the detective.

"I know Mr Collier but he is fully cooperating with us."

"Who is he?" Dixie asked from the comfort of Jeff's arms.

"Mrs Collier I cannot tell you that?"

"Why?" She asked. "He raped me, violated me made me vulnerable and you cannot tell me who he is. I can't do this anymore, I don't want to do this anymore." Dixie said crying as she got up and ran up the stairs. Jeff sat there hearing their bedroom door shut as he turned once more to the police.

"Sorry, she is really upset at the moment. She blames herself and there is nothing I can do or say to her to make her feel any better."

"This must be putting a strain on your marriage Mr Collier. We can put you in touch with a counsellor. It may help you."

"I don't know what will help. Let me talk to her about it when she calms down."

"Certainly, do what you think is best. You know her better than anyone. "The detective replied as he and his silent partner moved to stand up."We will leave you be Mr Collier but if there is anything else, please get in touch."

Jeff thought for a moment, "Actually, could you tell me the name?" He knew it was a long shot but he needed to know.

"I cannot tell you the suspects name but I was going to ask if you knew somebody else as we found their DNA on Mrs Collier."

Jeff froze, he was already scared that Dixie could be pregnant but now names were appearing - it shed a new light on her attackers. 'Go on" he asked although yet again he was unprepared for what he heard.

"Mr Collier, have you or your wife had any dealings with a Mr Karl Fontayne?'

Jeff paled at hearing this name. Why had he raped Dixie? We tried to help him and now he could have made her pregnant. He thought he liked her, why would he do this to her?

Noticing his change of expression, the detective knew that the name was familiar to him. "Mr Collier?" Jeff couldn't answer but Dixie did. She had reappeared in the doorway.

"Him? That tearaway kid you and Pol tried to help out? He raped me and its all your fault. Get out Jeffrey." She sais silently but full of hatred and venom.

"Dix I..." Jeff moved over towards his wife eyes filling with tears as the realisation started to sink in. Dixie backed away into the hall, opening the front door, not looking at any of the men she said:

"Get out all of you."

They all did as they were told, Jeff turned around to see her shutting the door behind them.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N - Did this one on my phone again. Thank you all for your kind and supportive reviews. All appreciated. Hope this update is OK.

Jeff decided to give Dixie some space for a little while. He knew she wouldn't let him back into the house. What else could he do? He had no phone, no keys, no dog to walk but he still had his wallet. He didn't know how long he had been walking when he arrived at the Coop but he decided to go in.

Jeff wandered the aisles looking at the groceries, he didn't need or want anything but it still did not stop him looking. He felt he needed to get something for her, he felt he needed to make it up to her, he felt responsible for Karl raping her. But, what do you buy someone who has just been raped by three different men? Jeff didn't know so he bought his paper, flowers and a box of her favourite chocolates before heading home.

He had no idea if Dixie would let him in or not so wasn't at all surprised when she didn't open the door. Jeff walked round to the back door where Dixie was stood watching Lil Abs on the garden.

"Do you honestly think Coops finest chocolates and flowers will make it all alright do you?" she spat at him. Her voice was full of venom which shocked Jeff immensley.

"Uh, no, I just..."

"Just what? You just what Jeff?"

"Nothing it doesn't matter." Jeff replied looking down at the floor.

"Fucking typical." Dixie said as she whistled at the dog to get him in. Jeff waited for the dog to walk past before he followed placing the shopping on the side before following Dixie into the lounge.

"Dix can we talk!"

Dixie spun round to face him once more. "Talk? You want to talk? What the fuck do you want to talk about Jeff"

"Dix please we need to talk about what has happened. We need to deal with tbis together. I want to help Dix, I ..." once more he was cut off by her.

" You want to help? How can you help me Jeff? What could you possibly do to help me? No one can help me. You don't even want me anymore. You cannot bear to be with me, to touch me can you?"

Jeff knew this wasn't true but Dixie wasn't going to be convinced so easily. He looked on as she took off her top infront of him revealing her brusied and cut chest.

"You want this anymore do you Jeffrey? Do you still want to kiss me like you did on our anniversary? Do you still want to touch me how you did? No, of course you don't. I am soiled goods now aren't I? You may as well go back to Lucy at leaat she isn't damaged."

"Babe don't say that. I love you and you know it. How could you think I would want to go back to her? I want you. Princess put your top back on and come here.'

" No bloody way. Go on take a look Jeffrey, see what your pet project did to me. Take a look Jeff. Look at what they took. My dignity, my self repect, my life, my self worth and my husband."

"I am still here Dix. Am always here for you."

"But you weren't were you. Where were you Jeff as they dragged mw into the woods? Where were you when they threw me onto the ground and ripped off my trousers? Where were you when they held me down, punched me, slapped me across the face? Where were you when they each lay ontop of me, where were you while they raped me? Where were you when they all rammed their tongues into my mouth and when I didn't kiss them back where were you when they slapped me countless times until I did? Jeff you were not there when each of them raped me, you didn't feel it. Your skin didn't crawl each time they came."

Jeff didn't know what to say. Dixie was opening up to him, stood there in front of him recalling her vicious attack. She was right, where was he?

"Do you know what? When they had all finished with me they walked off laughing. They left me half naked on the floor laughing as they walked away. But it wasn't over."

" Oh Princess. I am really sorry." Jeff said as he moved closer to his wife to place a blanket over her uncovered top.

"Get off Jeff. Do you realise that it didn't stop there? Your pet project came back on his own. Held me down and raped me again. He said I needed teaching and so did you. He said you would be so jealous that someone had shafted me first and it wouldn't be you. As he raped me he told me I deserved it and so did you. He was laughing the whole time as he did it. I just lay there feeling dirty. So Jeffrey do you still want me? Do you want to take me up to our room and make love to me? Do you Jeffrey?"

" Dixie you are upset this isn't helping you. You need to tell the police."

"You don't do you? You don't want you?"

"Babe of course I do.'

"Then make love to me."

"No Babe. This isn't right. You are upset. Let me help."

"Well fuck off back to your first wife then. That will help me?"

"Thats not fair."

"Fair. Do you think it is fair what they did to me? Really?"

"DONT TAKE IT ALL OUT ON ME. DONT YOU THINK I FEEL BAD ENOUGH?" Jeff shouted back. He knew ahe was hurting but she didn't need to say that.

"YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD. IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU I WAS RAPED. YOU AND YOUR NEED TO FIX BROKEN BRITAIN. IT IS YOUR FAULT. LOOK AT YOU, YOU DONT EVEN WANT TO TOUCH ME."

"Dixie, I feel bad enough but you have got to stop this. Shouting at me is not going to change what happened. You cannot blame yourself or me for this."

"I BLAME YOU ENTIRELY."

" WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO NOW? YOU NEED HELP DIX. I AM TRYING TO FUCKING HELP."

Finally it all got too much for her. She snapped and snapped proper. (_**I had it coming. I guess I wasn't very understanding. She was telling me what she had gone through and I shouted at her. She snapped and I got the mother of all slaps. She really smacked me hard it brought tears to my eyes. I got a proper hiding and deserved it. I wasn't very supportive of her. She needed me to listen, to hold her tell her I still famcied the pants off her but all I did was shout back. I think the release of her anger and frustration across my face helped. Bizarre really). **_

Jeff held his face, she had really hit him hard as he looked up he saw her with her hands over her mouth, tears falling. Dixie approached him, shock and guilt written across her face. Falling once more into her husbands arms sobbing fiercely.

"I am really sorry Jeffrey. I really am sorry. I cannot cope with this anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Jeff please forgive me"

Jeff held his wife close telling her he loved her letting his own tears fall. They were tears of sadness, tears of realisation as to what had happened to his wife, sone tears were for the pain that soared through his face. But he cried for his wife more than anything.

"I love you so much. I am never going to let anyone near you again."


	11. Chapter 11

_**A / N Another update on my phone. Cannot believe I have had it for over a year and have just figured out I can type Word Docs. Anyway, this chapter is mostly Jeff reflecting now as he is writing - his bits remain in bold and italics. Enjoy. **_

_**It took a lot out of her to tell me what happened and what it was like. We stood there for ages just holding each other, she wore herself out in the end so I laid her down on the sofa to sleep covering her with the blanket. I was glad she told me, but I felt guilty that I wasn't there for her, it still made me sick that people could do that to another innocent human being. My face still hurt, my God she really slapped me! Mind you, it was nothing compared to what she had gone through or what she was going through. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me. She just needed to let it all out. She felt bad though, she kept on rubbing it and kissing it telling me she was really for smacking me and she would never do that again. **_

_**The next few days were hard. She told the police what she had told me. I was so proud of her, she kept herself together all throughout the interview. The police said they were charging the lad who hamded himself in- Nick Samson. They also confirmed the samples taken from Dixie contained Karl Fontayne's DNA as well as mine. Dixie even remained the calm and collected one as they told us that he had done a runner and they couldn't find him. I was furious, I can remember shouting at them to do better. All I could think of was that he was still out there - he could still get to my Dixie. **_

_**I wasn't going to take any chances though, I never let her out of my sight. I kinda stuck to her like glue following her everywhere like a little lost puppy. I only worked with her, whenever we walked from the Ambulance to a shout I held her hand. She was never far from my sight day or night. Tamzin and Norman were sweet towards her, neither really knew what to say to her or how to act around her. Tamzin was a little pissed off that she had to work with Norman, she wanted to work with me, but, I didn't care, the only person I wanted to be with was my Dix. **_

_**It did drive her mad though me being there all the time but as long as she was safe I didn't care. I told her each day that I loved her and that she was beautiful. We still slept together but not in the romantic sense, I didn't want to do anything to her that upset her or made her remember. She had come a long way since she told me. She still scrubbed herself in the shower but no longer made her skin red raw or bleed, she was slowly getting herself back on track. We did still hug and kiss but I could tell she needed more time. **_

_**The police visited us regularly but each time they said he was still at large I saw another piece of her disappear. I wanted them to catch him before I did, I wanted them to catch him before he could come back and hurt her again. I so desparately wanted her to feel safe again and get her life back. **_

_**Then it came didn't it. I had kind of pushed the whole pregnancy issue to the back of my mind but the day I had been dreading arrived. I can remember looking at the calendar in our bedroom working out from her markings when her period was due. She would kill me for writing this down but she was always regular as clockwork. Every 28 days and there it was. I always knew when she was due on or even on. She would eat loads of chocolate, hug hot water bottles and not let me in the bathroom while she was in the shower. **_

_**Day 28 came and went - no period. **_

_**Same on day 29 and 30. Nothing. I am not sure if Dixie noticed or not as she kept herself busy. I was hoping she hadn't realised or got her dates wrong. Then it happened, the day I hoped would never come. **_

Jeff walked up to their bedroom with a mug of tea for Dixie. As he opened the door he found her sat on their bed staring at the calendar. He knew instantly what was going on - she had worked it out.

"Made you a brew." He said while placing it on her bedside table. "You OK princess?" Jeff said as he sat down next to her stroking her hair away from her eyes to reveal tears.

"I'm four days late Jeffrey. I am never late."

Jeff's heart sank. What could he say to her now? She could be pregnant. This was the last thing they needed.

"Jeff what if I am pregnant? Jeff I don't want to be pregnant with their child only yours. Jeff what if I am pregnant? What am I going to do?" she said turning to face her husband, tears streaming down her face.

"Babe we will deal with it together. Let me go and get a pregnancy test. That way we will know and can deal with it together."

'Do you want to raise another mans child?"

" Dix you may not be pregnant."

"Jeff! You know as well as I do that my periods are regular. The only reason I am late is that I must be pregnant. What are we going to do? I don't think I could carry and give birth to a child that is the product of a rape. I only want to have your kids not a rapists."

Jeff held his wife and continued to reassure her. It pained him to think that she could be pregnant with another mans baby, if she was the whole pregnancy will be a constant reminder. Jeff wondered if she, or they, were strong enough to deal with this. Nevertheless Jeff went out to get the test with them both having a sleepless night wandering what news the test would being them. Would it change their life?

Morning eventually came, Jeff sat on the end of their bed nervously waiting for the bathroom door to open. This was the longest three minutes of his life. These three minutes could change everything.

Eventually the door opened and out walked Dixie holding the pregnancy test.

"Well? What does it say Princess?" Jeff asked cautiously. Dixie didn't answer, she just stared at the test in her hands. "Dix? What does it say?"


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N - Thank you for all the reviews. I know you are all desperate to find out if Dixie is pregnant or not and if so, is it Jeff's or not? I hope you enjoy this chapter and do not shoot me for keeping you in suspense for a little while longer. xx**_

Karl Fontayne had not had a great start in life. His mother left his father when Karl was ten years old fed up with his drinking and physical abuse. Her leaving really affected Karl, he missed his mum, frequently went to school in dirty and ragged uniform with no food in his stomach. He was neglected by his father who preferred to drink and gamble his money away rather than look after his son. If Social Services had done a better job, Karl would have been taken into care instead of being subjected to all kinds of neglect and abuse.

He had a negative view of the world, of people who were in jobs that were meant to help young children like him. Karl was bitter, violent and uncontrollable being excluded from his secondary school with nowhere to turn. He had been let down by his parents and society, he felt insignificant in this world.

Karl didn't really do much with his life as a teenager; he got into gangs, caused trouble around the estate earning a reputation as someone not to be messed with. He had so much anger and aggression inside of him the best way he could pay society back was to destroy it – like his parents had destroyed him.

Well, that was until he met Polly. She was a young and caring Ambulance Technician who wanted to help him. She cared for him and he knew it was genuine. With her help he enrolled into college to get his exams and started to take care of himself and his father's diabetes. He was still heavily involved with gangs to keep his reputation up but he now hoped that one day he could put it all behind him.

Karl met Jeff and Dixie at about Christmas time 2010. They attended to a lad and his father on the estate that Karl had a hand in. He thought Dixie was a beast and Jeff was someone who could walk the walk but not talk the talk. Karl was going to show him that he was the boss on the estate and Jeff do well to remember that.

It didn't go quite to plan though. Jeff humiliated him and he became the laughing stock of the estate. No one was scared of him anymore, no one wanted to know him anymore - except Polly - she believed in him and helped him.

Karl had just started to trust people again, he had started to get his faith back in people who were meant to care, but that was short lived. Polly's death hit him hard, harder than he thought. The year had been tough with the shooting, the ritual humiliation and now a death. Could he stay on the right path now that Polly had gone? Who was going to have faith in him now?

He never thought the one person who he hated, who he blamed for so many things would be willing to help - but he was. Jeff helped him and made him see that everything will come good in the end.

But it didn't.

Jeff lied.

Jeff needed to pay.

Karl was going to take something from Jeff, something he really cared about. Karl wanted to make Jeff pay for lying to him, for making him false promises, raising his hopes. He wanted to make Jeff realise what it was like to lose something that he treasured. Karl had a reputation - Jeff took it. Karl had a dream - Jeff lied, his criminal record did make a difference. Yet again he was thrown out on the scrap heap. It was Jeff Colliers fault.

Karl knew what he was doing when he made the call, when he persuaded his crew to take part in it. He knew what he was doing as he dragged Dixie away from him. Karl relished the look of horror on Jeff's face as the person he cared about was snatched from him; he enjoyed the fact that Jeff was powerless to do anything about it.

Jeff didn't deserve a happy life with his lesbian life. Karl wanted to make her feel so dirty and worthless that Jeff wouldn't want her anymore. He told her she was disgusting as he raped her, he said Jeff deserved to pay for what he had done as he slapped her hard and hit her in the stomach. He told her that Jeff wouldn't want her anymore and she could feel out casted like he did. Karl didn't feel any remorse as he walked away leaving Dixie crying on the ground. He was satisfied that he had spoilt their life together just as how Jeff had destroyed his.

Three weeks later Karl was sat outside the Collier house watching how they coped with everything. He had seen the police come and go, had seen Dixie throw Jeff out and had even watched in glee at them having a blazing row in their front room. Karl was pleased with what he had done as he watched Dixie expose her chest to Jeff as he tried to cover her up.

"Whoa, that had to hurt" he said as he watched Dixie give Jeff a proper hiding around his face. He was pleased they were in turmoil. Although Karl hadn't taken into consideration how strong they were as a couple and how they stuck together like glue. That wasn't how it was meant to be. Jeff wasn't paying enough, he had to do something more.

Karl kept his watch on the Colliers trying to figure out what to do next. He followed them to and from work, to and from the shops. He watched them hold hands, hug each other and kiss each other. He couldn't understand why Jeff hadn't left her. He couldn't understand why he continued to hold her and care for her. They would know by now he was the rapist, he was certain that Jeff would be looking out for him and he was going to be ready.

Jeff Collier needed to be shown once and for all not to mess with Karl Fontayne, you will never get away with it. Formulating his next move in his head, Karl jumped off the wall taking one last look at their house before skulking off up the road. Little did he realise that things may have just changed for them. He may have just tipped their worlds upside down.


	13. Chapter 13

_**A / N – Enjoy, I know the suspense was killing you! **_

'Dix? What does it say?' Jeff asked again becoming increasingly concerned at his wife's silence. She was stood in the doorway staring at the stick in her hand. Her mouth was moving but no words were coming out. Jeff couldn't take it anymore, he had to know.

_**(I was watching her try and get the words out, but nothing was there. A million thoughts were racing through my mind, but ultimately I just needed to now if she was pregnant or not. She was in shock, she was trying to comprehend what was in front of her and she couldn't. I needed to be the man now and take charge; I had to be a true husband to her. As I got up off the bed and walked over to her, I kinda already knew what it was going to say, but I had to stay strong for her even though the thought of her being pregnant by another man did make me feel nauseous especially when you thought of how it happened. But, I needed to be there for her no matter what, I needed to tell her it was all going to be OK even if she didn't believe me). **_

Jeff slowly walked over to where Dixie was stood, taking her by the hands leading her back over to their bed. Making sure she was sat comfortably, he knelt on the floor in front of her taking the pregnancy test out of her hands. As he turned it over to look at the result, Jeff took a deep breath, the reading would change their lives forever, and he knew that, he also knew that if it said 'pregnant', she would be in utter emotional turmoil. Was she strong enough to go through a pregnancy and a painful labour to give birth to a child who was a product of rape? He had to remain hopeful that if she was pregnant, then the baby could be his, after all they had slept together, so it could have been possible.

Jeff slowly brought his eyes down to the test and read the display. He saw the words, but nothing sunk it. He looked up to Dixie who was sat staring at him unable to talk or do anything. Jeff looked down again, there is was, the result clear for them both to see.

PREGNANT.

Jeff could feel himself welling up as he looked again into his wife's deep blue eyes pulling her into a tight hug kissing the top of her head as he did so. He was still holding the test, still staring at the one word he hoped he would never see. _**(It is not as though I didn't want us to have children, I do. Dixie wanted to be a mother so badly, she told me that many times, but I just never thought it would be like this. I always thought I would be over the moon if she told me she was pregnant, but in that moment, I didn't feel any joy at expecting a baby, or any joy at the thought of her being pregnant and us buying baby clothes together. It should have been one of the happiest moments of our lives together, but it wasn't – he had taken that from us). **_

'I cannot do this Jeff.' Dixie said after a few minutes.

Jeff looked up at his wife; he didn't know what to say to her. Were they strong enough to overcome this?

'Babe, you don't have to do it alone. I am here for you now and forever. We will get through this together.'

'Do you really think I can go through with this pregnancy Jeff? Do you really think we could be parents of a child that is going to always remind us of what happened to me?'

'Princess, we need to think about getting you checked over and sorted with the Doctor. We can go into the ED and see Zoe and Tess if you want. They may be able to help us….'

'How can they help us Jeffrey? What can they do for us?'

'Babe, you need to get checked over in the first instance. They will be able to talk to the Police on your behalf, let them know.'

Dixie shook her head and buried it into Jeff's chest. This was one step too far. She had just started to get her life back, just started to return to normal. She had gone through the denial, the anger (which she aimed at Jeff most of the time) and now she had started to refocus. Was this really happening now?

'Jeffrey.' She spoke up again moving her head slightly but still not looking up at her husband.

'Yeah?'

'Could you bring up this baby knowing that it was conceived when I was raped?' her voice trailed off as she said the last word. Jeff could hear her voice shaking which matched the movement of her entire body.

'Oh Dix, we will do it together.' He replied returning to hug her tightly.

'Could you bring up another man's baby?'

'Dix, I will be there for you no matter what, you know that. 'After a short pause he added, 'You know it could be mine.'

'How can you be so sure?'

'Well, we did sleep together as well on that day.'

'Yeah but if it has escaped your attention, I had sex with three other men as well.'

'No babe, you were raped by three other men. You had sex with me. There is a difference. You saying you had sex with three other men makes you sound like a slut which you are definitely not.'

Dixie took the pregnancy test from Jeff's hands looking down at it before placing a hand over her stomach.

'I don't think I can Jeffrey. I have got to carry this baby around for nine months, see it on scans, give birth to it, and care for it. I can't do that; I am never going to love it like I would have done if we knew for certain it was ours.'

'Dix, there are options open to us and you know it.'

'What options Jeff? What possible options do I have?'

'Do **we** have don't you mean?'

'Aye?'

'Dix we are a couple are we not? We are husband and wife are we not?'

'Guess so.' She replied nodding at his questions. He was right, he always was, they were a couple, they were in this together.

'Well, we could bring the baby up; after all it is definitely half of you, we could put it up for adoption if you wanted. But we could also get a paternity test, you know to find out for sure if it is mine or not. Dixie, I want to do whatever will make you happy because I love you so much.'

'I so desperately wanted to be a mother Jeffrey and they have taken that from me as well.' Dixie added tears running down her face.

'No babe, we are not going to let them. We are going to go to the ED, speak with Zoe and see where it takes us. We will get through this together.' Jeff was stern with his words but gentle at the same time. She knew he was right, but the sense of violation came back, she was now carrying a baby, someone innocent in this situation.

_**(I knew it was going to be tough, and yes, I wasn't too sure I could raise another man's child and I didn't know how I would feel raising and caring for a child that was conceived through rape. It was going to be a painful reminder to the both of us, but, the baby was innocent in all of this. I was certain that Dixie would love it no matter what. I had to remain hopeful that it was mine and, if that was the case, something positive would come out of a negative). **_

Dixie knew her husband was right, he always knew what to say to calm her down. She knew it was going to be hard to get over this, but she was pregnant now having someone else to look after. She too had to remain hopeful that Jeff was the father. She wanted that to be true more than anything in the world.

'OK' she started, 'we will go and see Zoe and Tess.'

Jeff nodded as he got up taking her by the hands. 'I love you Mrs Collier and I want you to know I will always be there for you.'

'Thank you Mr Collier.' She replied before moving forward towards his open arms once more.

_**A / N – So now you know the result. The next question is, will Karl come back? And if so, what will he do next? Also, will Dixie go full term? Just a few thoughts! **_

_**Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive reviews. I really appreciate it. **_


	14. Chapter 14

_**The next few months seemed to go pretty quickly for us, we had so much to do, so much to think about, so many arrangements we needed to make. Dixie had been to see Zoe and had been checked over, yep, she was pregnant; the baby was due on January 18th. We went to our GP who confirmed everything and booked us a scan along with antenatal appointments. It didn't feel right though, we should have been happy about our bundle of joy that was growing inside of her, but we were not – he had taken that from us. **_

_**The Police were good with her though; they were really sympathetic and offered her counselling. She refused it, she didn't want to talk about it anymore, she just wanted to try and get her life back together. That is when she started to keep a diary, she wrote in it every day, sometimes twice a day. She said it was her way of comprehending what had happened to her and what was happening to her, she told me it made her feel better. I had no reason to doubt her. I just wanted my wife back. **_

_**I couldn't be so accepting though. Each time the police came they had no news of Karl and his whereabouts. Each time they told us they couldn't locate him. I was getting really incensed by this. I kept on asking them why it was taking so long, why they couldn't find him. I was worried that he would come back and get to her again, I didn't want that. In the end they told us that they had charged two people with rape, the one who handed himself in plus one other. Both had admitted they had done it and were sent to court. **_

_**Dixie didn't need to testify, but we sat up in the Public Gallery. I had my arm around her shoulders and other hand on her stomach the whole way through the hearing. They only got two years for what they did to her, not enough in my opinion. If I was the judge, I would have thrown away the bloody key. Dixie was distraught; she thought that her dignity was only worth two years and nothing more. She wrote pages in her diary and cried a lot that night. I wasn't allowed near her, she made it perfectly clear she wanted to be on her own. I was even banished to my old bedroom that night, somewhere I hadn't slept in for the last year at least. **_

_**Dixie's first trimester wasn't an easy one, Paramedics are not allowed to work when they are pregnant, so, she was station bound for most of the time doing paper work and helping out on non-emergency calls. She suffered with horrendous morning sickness, mood swings and chocolate cravings. I could handle two out of the three, but the mood swings were a different ball game. But, there was something about her being pregnant that made her more attractive, more beautiful; she was radiant even though she refused to accept it. **_

_**Then it came didn't it, the first scan at 12 weeks. It was hard for both of us. We had agreed that she would carry the baby to full term, neither of us wanted to even consider the alternative at that point. We would have to wait for a few more months before they could do any tests to find out if the baby was mine or not. I had to be hopeful; I had to keep that thought alive in my heart, for both of our sakes. I remember that first scan well: **_

'Right Mrs Collier, if you could just lift your top up a little bit, I will pop this paper towel here. Now, the gel will be a little cold, so brace yourself.'

Dixie did as she was told before returning to hold Jeff's hand. She couldn't quite bring herself to look at the image on the monitor, not yet. The nurse decided to make idle chit chat with the pair of them.

'So, is this your first then Mrs Collier?'

'Yeah, my first, his third.' She replied giving Jeff's hand a squeeze.

'So your first child together then?' the nurse said as she placed the scanner on Dixie's tummy rubbing the gel around.

'Yep.'

'Right, well, let's see what we have here then shall we Mummy and Daddy?'

Dixie still stared at Jeff, if she didn't look, it wasn't real, if she didn't acknowledge, she couldn't fall in love. Jeff, on the other hand, stared at the monitor in front of him, could it really be?

_**It was weird; obviously I had done this twice before with John and Sophia. Lucy was over the moon and so was I at seeing our children for the first time on the monitor, listening to the heart beat, being told everything is looking fine. I can remember holding the photos she printed off for us wondering if I would make a good father. Now, here I was again, sitting with my second wife looking at the screen once more. I didn't know what to think at that time, I didn't know what to say. Dixie wouldn't look at it, I could see her eyes filling with tears, she didn't want to see the baby, and she didn't even want to acknowledge it was there. It broke my heart all over again, she didn't want to accept it could be mine, she was certain it was conceived when she was raped. The next bit, I wasn't expecting. **_

'Right, there we have baby's head and arms, look there is baby's legs. Now if you look over here, it appears you are expecting twins Mrs Collier. There is second baby and all limbs look fine. I will just check the heart beats.'

'Dix, we are having twins!' Jeff exclaimed, he couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. This grew even wider when he heard the hearts beating, they sounded healthy.

'I can tell you that they are identical twins Mrs Collier, but you will have to wait for your next scan to find out the genders. Let me print the pictures for you. Back in a minute.' The nurse said as she got up and left the room leaving Jeff and Dixie together.

'Dix, we are having twins, look.' Jeff urged his wife to turn her head to look at her children. 'Dix, please, take a look.'

'No Jeffrey, I can't'.

'Dix, you need to see this for yourself, it is amazing. You have twins growing inside of you.'

'Jeffrey, I don't want to look.'

'Please babe, please look, for me.' Jeff was practically pleading with his wife now. He so desperately wanted her to look, to acknowledge that they existed; to acknowledge she was going to be a mum. Dixie still refused. Feeling helpless and forlorn, Jeff gave up just as the nurse came back and handed him the photos.

'Thank you.'

_**I knew it was gonna be hard. Even in the car on the way home she refused to look at the photos, she didn't even want to talk about it. I didn't know what to do with her. I tried to get her to look again, but she refused, so I left them on the bedside table in the hopes she will look when she was ready to, I just hoped that would be soon. **_


	15. Chapter 15

'Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to my beautiful, glowing and radiant Dixie. Happy Birthday to you.' Jeff finished singing to his wife as she slowly opened her eyes smiling at her husband as she rubbed them. Jeff smiled back before he lent in locking his lips on hers kissing her tenderly but passionately. As their kiss intensified, Jeff felt her hands caress his back before they started to move lower, amused as to where she was going to put them he raised his mouth slightly.

'And where do you think you are going with those hands Mrs Collier?"

"Come back here and you will find out."

Jeff raised a smile before leaning in once more. Yet again the kiss was intense being full of passion. He felt her hands once more on his back before they moved lower down causing him to let out a small groan before deepening the kiss. Jeff moved his own hand down from her head to move up her pyjama top so he was touching her skin, more importantly, her baby bump which he rubbed small clockwise circles on causing her to groan softly. The kiss continued for sometime before Jeff came back up for air.

" Well, that was one wake up call." Dixie commented as she readjusted herself on her pillow.

"Sure was Princess. Happy Birthday babe."

"Thank you handsome."

Jeff continued to stare at his wife as she lay there stroking her expanding bump. "So how are my three favourite people this morning?"

"We are all fine. At least they are leaving the bladder alone." Dixie replied smiling at her husband.

"Right, you stay there and I will make you breakfast in bed. What do you fancy birthday girl?"

"Anything I can keep down would be great lover."

"You just stay there and leave it to me. I will be back soon." Jeff said placing a kiss on her forehead before getting out of bed walking over to the door looking back at Dixie who was still rubbing her bump.

_**( I watched her for a little while, she looked so contented. We were starting to get back to how we were. Don't get me wrong, when we got married it was never romantic. Our love was built in our friendship nothing more than that. We shared a house and that was it then one night I was sat in her room, we were just chatting really nothing major but we soon fell asleep together on her bed. After that we just carried on doing it. We moved my stuff into her room. She said that we may as well as we share everything anyway so why didn't we share a bed. It wasn't long before we were getting dressed and undressed in front of each other we also sat in the bathroom chatting while the other was in the shower. That all said and done, our relationship was never sexual, well not until our third anniversary anyway. The kiss we shared this morning was like the one we shared on our anniversary, things may just start to go back to how they were before she was attacked. Maybe we could start again with the romance. We hugged and kissed each other deeply - this morning was testament to that. It was possible the sex would follow but only when she was ready.**_

_**I was pleased that she finally looked at the scan though, she seemed to be warming to the idea of having twins. We decided to do a paternity test, we needed to know either way if I was the father or not. We spent ages talking about what we would do if I wasn't but hopefully it wouldn't come to that. She was growing quickly and was defintely eating for three. I still loved her though and held onto the hope that we would get back on track soon.)**_

The rest of the morning passed without incident. They enjoyed breakfast in bed together before heading out with the dog for a walk. By the time they got home it was nearly lunchtime.

"Right babe, back in a little while." Jeff announced as he moved towards the front door.

"Where are you going Mr Collier?"

"Nowhere to concern you."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing dear. See you in a bit." Jeff replied smiling at her bemused look before closing the door behind him.

Dixie chuckledcto herself before she busied herself around the house. Jeff had been gone for half an hour when Dixie heard the front door shut again. She was in the kitchen preparing their lunch as she heard him come towards her.

"I was thinking. After the scan tomorrow did you want to go and get some things so we can start the nursery. At least we will know what gender they will be so we can get cracking. What do you think handsome?"

There was no reply but that wasn't unusual Jeff would often not respond straight away. She smiled as she felt him stand behind her, she could feel him breathing on her neck.

Her smiled disappeared.

Something wasn't right.

She didn't feel right.

She could feel his breath but it didn't feel like Jeff, her blood started to run cold. Dixie was scared a feeling which was further compounded by feeling his hands on her bump rubbing circles on it in an anti clockwise movement.

This isn't right - Jeff always goes clockwise.

Jeff isn't stood behind me.

Dixie slowly turned around, face paling as she came face to face with the last person she expected to see...

Jeff walked up the path to the front door pleased with the present he had bought Dixie. She was going to love it, he was sure of it.

'Morning Mr Collier. Could you sign for this letter please?" came the voice of the postman behind him.

Jeff turned taking the clipboard from him sigming his name before he was handed the letter.

"Looks like it is gonna be another scorcher." The postman said.

"Yeah, the missus will be pleased about that." Jeff replied. Dixie hated the heat especially now she was pregnant.

"Well I hope she appeciates whatever you have in the bag for her. Have a nice day Mr Collier."

Jeff said goodbye before looking at the letter in his hand. It was the results. Opening the front door, Jeff placed the shopping on the stairs before he opened the letter taking in the information he had in front of him. He wanted to read it first, if it was bad news he wasn't going to tell her today he didn't want to spoil her birthday. That letter held immense power and he knew it.

"Dix? Where are you?" Jeff called as he walked into the kitchen stumbling back into the wall as he clocked eyes on his frightened looking wife and the person standing behind her.

"Alright Jeff."


	16. Chapter 16

Karl had been watching the Colliers for five months now; he was determined to get to Dixie again, to make Jeff pay for what he promised. He thought the rape in the woods would have been enough to have separated them bringing Jeff's world crashing down around him, similar to what Jeff did to Karl, but it hadn't. It only seemed to bring them closer together. Some people may say that Karl was mentally unstable for wanting to wreck the life of a man who was only trying to help him, but he didn't care. He wanted Jeff to know what it felt like to have to rebuild everything again, to be lied to, to have everything he had worked for, everything he had achieved taken from him.

The one thing Jeff cared about more than anything in the world was Dixie; Karl knew that, so she was his target by getting to her, he would get to Jeff. Karl had an ambition; he wanted to become a Paramedic like Polly, he even confided in Jeff about that wish. As he sat on the wall opposite their house, he thought back to that conversation:

'_It wasn't your fault you know.' Karl said as he looked over to Jeff who was sat two steps below him. _

'_And the shooting wasn't yours. Sometimes we just need to stop blaming ourselves. Polly hated miserable whingers.'_

'_I can if you can.' Karl replied offering his hand to Jeff which he took. _

'_So what are you going to do now then?' Jeff asked _

'_I dunno, probably finish College, you know, get some qualifications.' _

'_Good, I wouldn't like you to waste away the last few years. Polly wouldn't have wanted that.' _

_Karl nodded before looking back down at the ground unsure of what to say next. He never confided in people, he had learnt not to trust them, but there was something about Jeff that was different, maybe he could be trusted. _

'_Polly was great, you know. She told me I could be whoever I wanted to be.' _

'_And she is right, if you put your mind to it, you can do anything.' _

'_What do I need to do to become a Paramedic?' _

_Jeff turned round to look up at Karl studying his facial expression, was he serious? Upon seeing that he was, Jeff responded, 'Well, you need to be able to drive, that would be a start.' _

'_Yeah, suppose that would be an advantage.' Karl smirked before turning more serious, 'Jeff, do you think I could do it? Do you think I could be a Paramedic?' _

'_I don't see why not, you have got yourself on the straight and narrow haven't you, you are going to college, getting your qualifications, so, that will all help you. Learn to drive, get some work experience and apply for the course.' _

'_Will they let me on, you know with my track record?'_

'_Yeah, yeah of course they will.' Jeff replied. Karl raised a smile, he had learnt to trust Jeff, so ,he believed him when he said it would all be fine. _

'_Did you always want to be a Paramedic?' Karl asked. _

'_Nah, not always I was a decorator for a while before I retrained and passed the exams. Best thing I have done really, I don't regret it.' _

'_What about the Missus?_

'_Well, she did lots of little jobs before she retrained as well. She used to work in a school, one of those classroom assistants. One of the kids hurt themselves one day, the ambulance came and she decided to change jobs.' _

'_Can't imagine her in a classroom with screaming kids.' Karl laughed causing Jeff to do the same. _

'_Yeah, I know, but, if it wasn't for us both retraining, me being transferred to Holby I would never have met her. Strange really, I cannot really imagine my life without her' Jeff smiled to himself before adding; 'Don't you ever tell her that.' _

_Karl could see the love he had for Dixie although he could never understand what a straight man was doing being married to a lesbian, it seemed odd to him. But, Jeff had faith in him; Jeff said he could become a Paramedic so that is what Karl wanted to do. _

'_Right, I best be off then. The Missus will be wondering where I have got to.' Jeff said as he got up. _

'_Yeah, thanks mate for everything.' Karl said _

'_Nah, not a problem, you will be a great paramedic you know. Work hard and get qualified. Maybe one day, we could end up working together.' Jeff said holding out his hand for Karl to shake before walking off to find his wife. _

Karl was still facing the house as he thought about the feeling he had once Jeff had gone, the feeling of hope he had given him, there he was, two years later, with no chance of ever being a Paramedic. The bitterness towards Jeff rose from deep within Karl as he decided to make his move on Dixie once more. He had watched them intently; Jeff had made sure Dixie was never on her own for long, but, today was different. He had watched Jeff announce he was going to the shops and would be back in an hour or so, that meant that Dixie would be on her own, he could get to her.

Karl stood back behind a tree as he watched Jeff reverse the car off the drive and head down the road. He would give it at least 20 minutes before he went in that way he could fool Dixie that it was really Jeff who had come back. Slowly he walked across the road to the house and up the path. He hadn't seen Jeff lock the front door as he left, so hopefully he could just turn the handle. Click. He was in.

It didn't take him too long to find her, she was in the kitchen. Karl listened to her telling Jeff about the scan tomorrow and a nursery. Does this mean she is pregnant? A smile formed across his face, he had made the conclusion that the rape had got her pregnant, the thought of Jeff having to bring up his child amused him greatly. Maybe that would send him over the edge?

Karl crept up behind Dixie breathing down her neck before rubbing her stomach. She knew instantly it wasn't Jeff, he could feel her tense up before she slowly turned around.

'Hello Girlfriend.'

'W..W….w..What the hell are you doing in my house?'

'Just come to say Hello and see how you are doing carrying my baby.' Karl said as he placed his hands on her stomach causing her to flinch.

'Get off, get away from me.' Dixie said as she tried to back out and get away from him.

'Oh no babe, not so fast.' Karl replied tightening his hold on her. He could hear her breathing quickly, she was shaking.

'Get off me, I will call Jeff.'

'And how will you do that exactly, he isn't here, I know.'

'What do you want from me? Haven't you already taken enough?'

'Oh no, far from it, you see he needs to pay, and the only way he will pay is through you.'

'What the bloody hell does he need to pay for? What on earth did he do to you? He was nothing but kind towards you when everyone else had given up on you.'

'You see, you are wrong there, he made a promise, he lied and now he has to know what it feels like to lose something you care about, to have something you hoped for taken away from you.'

'You are not making any sense.' Dixie cried out again trying to free herself from his hold, it was no good. She was getting even more agitated which was having an effect on the twins inside her. This angered Karl even more who brought his spare hand back and hit her hard across the face.

'You are going nowhere.' He spoke softly before dragging her over to a chair forcing her to sit. 'Now SIT THERE AND SHUT UP DO YOU HEAR ME?' Dixie nodded in between sobs.

'Good, now we are going to wait patiently for your darling husband to return so he can see for himself what it is like.'

Karl positioned himself behind Dixie as he heard the front door open and close once more. He heard the bags get put down and a letter being opened before he called out to Dixie. Karl moved forward placing his hand over her mouth so that she couldn't respond, although he didn't need to keep it there for long as Jeff walked into the kitchen. He enjoyed seeing the colour drain from his face, the shock appearing, and the fear in his eyes as he looked down at his wife who was letting out small strangled sobs.

'Alright Jeff.' Karl said with a smile, he had got the upper hand, now, Jeff was going to pay.

**A / N – I kinda felt like I needed to explain Karl a little more before I picked up from where I left off.. He is one disturbed individual with a plan and I thought it was key to see why he is doing what he is along with recognising just how calculated he can be. It isn't over just yet for the pair of them though, the next chapter is gonna take a bit of planning and re drafting, so, it might not be up so quickly. **


	17. Chapter 17

**A / N – I know you are all dying to find out what happens between Karl, Jeff and Dixie, well, here goes – part one at least. This chapter has taken a lot of drafting and re drafting. I hope you all enjoy. Oh, and just a reminder, as Jeff is writing this down, his current thoughts continue to be in Bold and Italics. **

_**(I stood there looking at him, he was in my house, and he had got to Dixie again. I cannot begin to describe how I felt at that point, I was angry, Dixie said I looked like I was about to explode there and then. The one place she was meant to feel safe was in our home, and he had gotten to her there. I had to use all of my will power not to run over to him and tackle him to the ground. Who knew what he was capable of, or even what the outcome could have been. The last thing I wanted was for him to hurt her again, I didn't care if he hurt me, just as long as he didn't touch her. I can remember looking down into her eyes, they were pleading with me to put a stop to this, to get him out. It broke my heart seeing her like this again. Why did it always happen on a day where we should be happy? We were happy that morning, laying in bed with each other like we were happy on our wedding anniversary. We had just started to get our relationship back on track, move on with our lives and here he was again, ready to spoil everything. I did wonder how much more of this Dixie could take before she cracked, before she said enough was enough and ended what we had together. I couldn't bear that. **_

_**I took a few moments to scan the kitchen to see if I could formulate some kind of plan to get her out, but, I couldn't. I looked at her again noticing her face was bright red, a visible handprint was forming, he had hit her. He had hit my Dixie. All I can say is that I really struggled to control every ounce of my emotions right there. How dare he do that to her again.) **_

'Ok, Karl, why don't you just let her go.' Jeff said as calmly as he could even though he wanted to scream and shout at him for hurting her.

'No, no way. Do you really think it is going to be that easy? Do you really think I am gonna make this easy for you?' Karl replied through gritted teeth edging closer towards Dixie.

Jeff backed away slowly keeping his eye on him the whole time. He decided the best thing he could do was to keep Karl talking. _**(Dixie always told me I was rash and impulsive. I often got a right old bollocking for chasing after people when we were out on shouts. She would tell me that I scared her and would make me promise never to do it again. At that moment, I was more than willing to break those promises if it meant she would be safe.)**_

'Why are you doing this to us?'

'You really have no idea do you?'

'No mate, none at all. I thought we were cool with everything.'

'You thought we were cool. How stupid are you?' Karl replied staring at Jeff, he could see that he was already getting to him; he could tell Jeff wanted Dixie out of the way. He saw this as an opportunity to start to make him pay even more. Before he spoke again, Karl had yanked Dixie up from the chair and dragged her over into the corner holding her there by her neck. This made Dixie panic, Jeff could hear her asthma coming out.

'You happy with your lezza wife?' Karl asked while studying Dixie's changing complexion along with seeing the horror in Jeff's eyes.

'Karl, let her go please. It is obviously me you want, she hasn't done anything.'

'ANSWER MY QUESTION.' Karl shouted as he intensified his grip on Dixie causing her to cough and splutter.

'Yes, YES I AM.' Jeff cried out horrified by what he was seeing. This seemed to amuse Karl who let out a small sadistic laugh before releasing his hold causing Dixie to drop to the floor coughing and wheezing uncontrollably. She fumbled around in her pocket for her inhaler, but it wasn't there.

'Looking for this?' Karl said calmly as he waved the inhaler in front of her face seemingly enjoying the fact that she was suffering and there was nothing either of them could do about it. Karl knew he had the upper hand in the situation.

'Give her the inhaler Karl.' Jeff spoke up from behind him. Karl seemed to ignore his request crouching down in front of Dixie waving the one thing she needed right now in front of her once more. This made Jeff really angry, he couldn't bear to see his wife suffer so much; God only knows what effect this was having on the twins. 'GIVE HER THE INHALER.' He shouted again. Karl was even more amused by this, eventually, he dropped it in front of her smiling as he watched her struggle to get the cap off and take a couple of puffs.

Panic arose from deep within Jeff, he needed to act, he needed to save her, to protect her, but Karl was calculated, he had him right where he wanted him. If only there was a way of second guessing him. _**(And there it was again, that feeling of utter helplessness. I couldn't do anything. He knew it and I knew it. I was also willing to bet that Dixie knew it too.)**_

Karl knelt down again in front of Dixie who had backed herself even more into the corner hugging her legs, trying to protect herself and her unborn children. Karl moved his hand forward, stroking her hair and face making her visibly flinch at every contact.

'You know what Mr Jeffrey Collier. You have it all don't you. A house, a wife, a dog, a good job. You don't have any reason to suffer do you? You wouldn't know what suffering was like even if it hit you in the face. You wouldn't know what it felt like to be promised something and then be let down.'

'Karl what are you getting at?'

'The last time I saw your wife sitting like this was after I raped her. How does it feel Jeff knowing that I had sex with your lezza wife twice in one morning? How does it feel knowing that I got there before you and that your lezza wife is pregnant with my baby?'

'Stop this Karl, stop it right now.' Jeff requested. He was still trying hard to remain calm but his voice was shaking with anger.

'No, you need to pay for promising me everything will be OK, promising me that I will be able to get a job, that I will be as successful as you. Do you remember our conversation Jeff? Do you remember telling me that I could become a Paramedic, that I could do something with my life? DO YOU REMEMBER?'

As he was talking, Karl got up and moved away from Dixie closer to Jeff backing him into a corner instead. Jeff was dumbfounded by what he was hearing. _**(I couldn't believe that he would instigate a gang rape of my wife, trap us in our own home, make us both feel scared not only for ourselves but for our unborn children because he didn't get on the Paramedic course. Seriously!)**_

Before Jeff could respond, Dixie spoke up; _**(I knew straight away she had made a mistake even before she finished the first word. She was trying to be brave, maintain some form of control. It should have been me in the firing line then, not her. She was trying to protect me but she walked straight into something just as horrific as the rape five months ago. Even though she tells me now it is OK, I know it isn't. She knows how I feel about it; she knows that I feel like I let her down and everyday she still wakes up beside me, still kisses me, still tells me she loves me, would you still do that to your husband after what happened?)**_

'Karl, it is no good punishing us for the fact that you didn't make it onto the course. We are not to blame for that.'

This riled Karl even more; he turned swiftly and quickly on his heel to face her again. By this time she was stood up steadying herself on the kitchen worktop as she spoke. Karl saw one thing, he saw red, how dare she question his motives.

'WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK? WHO SAID I CARED WHAT YOU ARE THINKING? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A WORTHLESS WOMAN, I MADE YOU WORTHLESS AND YOU DO WELL TO REMEMBER IT.'

Karl launched at Dixie once more causing her to scream loudly and Jeff to shout

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

As he ran towards them.

_TO BE CONTINUED…. (Sorry) _


	18. Chapter 18

_**A / N – Thank you all again for your reviews including the Guest ones as well. Here is the next instalment**_.

Dixie woke up slowly opening her eyes taking in her surroundings. Moving her head slightly she realised that she wasn't at home, she wasn't in her bedroom, she was in hospital. She tried to move, but a weight was stopping her from doing so, looking down she saw the sleeping form of Jeff lying across her legs, he was facing her holding her hand in his tightly. She had no idea how long she had been there or what had happened, it all seemed a little hazy to say the least. Slowly she tried to shift herself up the bed so she was sitting upright, she tried to do this as carefully as she could so not to disturb Jeff. But, it didn't work. As soon as she went to move she gasped loudly as a stabbing pain soared through her causing her to fall back heavily into the pillows. She began to writhe around clutching her stomach and sides in absolute agony. This, in itself, was enough to wake Jeff up who came to her aid straight away.

'Don't overdo it Princess, you need to lay back down and rest.' His calming voice seemed to do the trick as the pain started to ease. Jeff had pressed a button on a drip next to her which released a small dose of Morphine into her system.

'Jeff, what happened?' Dixie asked once she was settled in a slightly more comfortable position than she was in before noticing how Jeff looked away from her focussing on a mark on the ceiling as tears formed in his eyes. 'Jeff, tell me.' She pleaded with him again taking hold of his hand tightly pulling him closer to her.

_**(I stood there holding her hand knowing that I was going to have to tell her sooner or later, I needed more time to figure it out in my head, but, she was asking me, I had to tell her, I couldn't lie to her. This was going to be one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I was asked by the Police about it when Dixie was brought into the ED; I seemed to be questioned for hours when all I wanted was to be with her. I was admitting to letting her down, for putting her in danger, my pride had been damaged, all I could think about at that time was what she would think of me, not being there for her a second time in five months, spoiling everything. I am ashamed to say that I couldn't control my emotions when I sat on the end of her bed trying to recount what had happened. I had to stop several times to regain what little composure I had left. Dixie understood though, she held my hand all the time rubbing it, let me cry into her shoulder on more than one occasion that morning. I am meant to be the strong one, not her, I am the man of the house, I am meant to protect her, I couldn't even do that. So, to repeat my last question, would you still want to be with a husband who let you down again?)**_

'Dix, I'm so sorry.' Jeff said voice shaking with emotion.

'Aye, what have you got to be sorry for?'

'I let you down again. You were meant to be safe in our house, no one was meant to get to you, to hurt you in our home. I should never have gone out and left you there, I should have been more organised with your present and picked it up earlier than I did. If I had done, you wouldn't be lying here, none of this wouldn't have happened.'

'Jeffrey, you are not making any sense.'

'If I had of just got my arse into gear earlier, I would have already had your present and would not have needed to leave you alone in the house.'

Dixie looked into his eyes once more seeing the emotional pain he was putting himself through. She had no idea how long she had been in hospital, she didn't even know what day it was. Her asking him what had happened clearly was too much for him, so, she decided to start by telling him what she remembered. Making sure his hand was firmly in hers, she started to rub the back of it while she spoke not taking her eyes off him the whole time.

'I remember waking up next to my handsome husband who made me the most amazing breakfast in bed.' Jeff managed to raise a small smile at this although he still didn't look down at his wife.

'Dix, we don't need to do this now, you need to rest.'

Ignoring his request, Dixie continued, 'We took Lil Abs out for a long walk by the river, you even let me feed the ducks before we went home. I can remember you going out, but you wouldn't tell me where, the next thing I know Karl is in our house stood behind me, then it all becomes a little bit of a blur.' She tried to remain positive in her tone of voice, but the last bit made her a little upset as she remembered how she felt as he touched her, as she felt his breath on her neck, how he held her against the wall by her throat.

'Babe, please, I can't do this now. Please don't make me.'

'It's OK Jeffrey, you can do this now. It is eating you up inside, I can see that.'

'Please Dix, don't make me.'

'OK, sweetheart.' Dixie said as she continued to rub his hand watching his silent tears fall. She knew it was tearing him apart on the inside; he was always one to bottle everything up, not say how he was really feeling and before you knew it he would explode and get himself into trouble.

_**(I couldn't do it, I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't do it. She tried to help me by telling me what she remembered, all I had to do was pick up where she left off, but I couldn't. I couldn't even look at her I was so disgusted with myself. I was staring into the abyss when I felt her tug on my hand bringing me down so I was resting on her shoulder. She brought her hand away from mine to the back of my head rubbing it so gently that I couldn't stop crying. I probably looked like a right girl to anyone who walked in. Imagine the scene, your wife lying in a hospital bed with no idea as to how she got there and the one person who could tell her was too busy sobbing into her shoulder.) **_

After a few minutes of silence, _**(well apart from my crying)**_, Jeff spoke up:

'He attacked you again right in front of me Dix. I couldn't help you, every time I went to get near you, to pull him off, he threw me back. He kept on shouting at you, screaming at you throughout the whole time. I tried to pull him off you Dix, I really did try. He was hitting you, in the stomach, hitting your face, smashing his fists into you. Your screams, Dix, you were screaming out for him to stop, for me to help you…'

'Sssh, its OK Love.'

'No it isn't. It isn't OK Dixie. He attacked you in our home; he went for you right in front of me, what kind of husband does that make me? I should have protected you; I should have taken the beating not you. What kind of man does that make me?'

'Jeffrey, look at me.' Dixie was insistent as she again tried to reshuffle herself bring Jeff's face up to look directly into hers. She ignored the pain that rose from within; she was determined to put him straight.

'Now, you listen to me Mr Collier. You are an amazing husband and you know that I love you dearly. Karl was never going to be reasoned with or stopped; you know that just as much as I do. If you have of got him off me, God only knows what he would have done to you. He could have killed you, then what would I have done then? Promise me you will stop blaming yourself, I need you and so do the twins.'

'It should be me lying here Dix, not you. It should have been me being hit, not you'

'Stop it, stop it right now Jeffrey. You need to let it go.'

'I can't Dix. You didn't see the look on his face, you didn't see….'

'Jeff, I said to stop it.'

'I can still hear you screaming Dix, whenever I close my eyes all I can see is you lying on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood…..'

'Stop it Jeff, If not for my sake, for the twins.'

Jeff took in a deep breath before nodding at his wife. She was right, she always was. Fresh tears formed in his eyes as well as hers.

'Did they get him?'

'Sorry?'

'Did the police get him?'

Jeff shook his head. 'Nah, after he finished, he ran out of the house. I went to go after him, but I couldn't leave you Dix, I needed to help you. You were bleeding really heavily, all I could think of was that I would lose you and the children. I didn't want him to take you from me, so I let him go.'

'So he is still out there? He can still get to us again?' Dixie sounded almost panicked in her voice. Jeff sensed this before moving once more closer to his wife stroking her head softly.

'I am not going to let him Dixie; he is not going to get to you again. I am going to make sure of it.'


	19. Chapter 19

**A / N – Can I start by apologising first, especially to Sarahloulabellx who has a love / hate relationship with Cliff-hangers, as, inadvertently, I have ended this chapter on a cliff hanger – sorry hun – feel free to moan at me over a PM!. Xx **

_**(Dix was in hospital for a few more days after that, they wanted to monitor the twins as no one really knew the effect the attack had on them. We had scans, well; she had scans to see if everything was OK. I sat there with her through each one holding her hand along with my breath until we heard both hearts beating healthily. Seems funny really, that first scan she didn't even want to look at them, didn't seem to acknowledge they were growing inside of her. Now, she was just as scared as I was that something had happened to them. **_

_**It brought painful memories flooding back for me though. In-between John and Sophia, Lucy fell pregnant again, but, the baby died in her womb at 8 months, it was painful being with her as she had to go through the labour and delivery knowing that the child at the end of it was dead. She cried for days after that, I guess that is what started the collapse of our marriage. I sat through the scans with Dixie wondering if everything would be OK, if Karl had succeeded in making me pay, taking everything away from her. I knew I wasn't strong enough to go through another still born again and I doubted whether Dixie would be as well. Don't get me wrong, I did love Lucy and was there for her the whole time, but, what me and Dix have, it is different. I couldn't imagine my life without her, I didn't want to. **_

_**By this point, Dix was nearly six months pregnant, we knew the gender, identical twin boys, she sent me out on numerous shopping trips each day to buy different things, I spent a small fortune, but, I would do it all again to see her smile. She was accepting the fact that she was going to be a mother; we were going to have a family. I hoped nothing would happen to take that away from us). **_

Jeff found himself once more sat by his wife's bed side. It had now been well over two weeks since the attack on Dixie at home, still no Karl, still no developments. The police had been that morning again to go through parts of Dixie's statement with her before giving them an update on what would happen now. Jeff remained quiet through the whole thing, he didn't get up and storm off, or shout at the Detective like he had done previously, he just sat there playing with Dixie's hand. She knew something was up with him, he wasn't telling her something. She was on the mend, getting stronger by the day with the twins being fine inside of her, even though she would be asking a lot from him, she needed him to share what was going on in his head.

'Jeff?'

'Yes Princess.'

'What's up?'

'Nothing Doll.'

'I can always tell when you are lying to me Jeffrey Collier.'

'Yeah, how's that then.'

'Well, two reasons really, one, your mouth is moving and two, I am a woman and all women have inbuilt lie detectors to sense when their darling husbands are lying to them.'

'Christ, I better be more careful then.'

'Jeffrey, stop messing. Tell me Handsome.'

'There is nothing to tell Dix, honestly I'm fine.'

'Liar.'

'No, honestly mate.'

Dixie looked down at Jeff who refused to make any eye contact with her; instead he reshuffled himself in his chair playing with her fingers once more.

'You were quiet when the police were here.'

'Was I?'

'Yes and you know it.'

'Sorry babe. Didn't mean to be.'

'You are hiding something from me aren't you?'

Jeff shrugged his shoulders.

'Come here handsome.' Dixie said as she moved herself over in her bed making enough room for Jeff to climb on next to her lying sideways with his head resting on her shoulder. He turned from playing with her fingers to the tassels on her dressing gown. 'What do you remember?'

'I was just thinking that's all.'

'About?'

'Karl and what he did to you.'

'Jeffrey, we have been over this, there was nothing you could have done. Look, I am on the mend, the twins are doing OK, you have nothing to be worrying about.'

'I dunno, it was just what he said that's all.'

'What did he say?'

'Nah, it's OK babe, just me being stupid as usual.'

'Well I am not going to disagree with that one Jeffrey. But seriously love, what did he say that has got to you so much?'

Jeff could feel himself becoming chocked up once more, but the timing felt right to tell her. _**(It was hard, I hadn't even given her her birthday present yet, nor had I told her what the paternity test said and here I was about to share with her something which I knew would destroy her emotionally.) **_

'He said you were worthless, as he hit you he told you that you had no right to speak, you disgusted him for being how you were…'

'What do you mean, how I was?'

'A lesbian.'

'Jeff…'

'I couldn't stand there and let him say those things to you, believe me Dix, I really tried to get him away from you. I really did.'

'I know baby I really do know.' Dixie said as she kissed his head stroking his forehead as he spoke.

'Each time he hit you he told you that you were nothing, worthless, not worthy of me, not worthy of anyone and not worthy to be a mother. He said I hadn't paid enough for destroying his life, he pushed me away so many times, each time, he would turn to look at me and ask me if it was tearing me up inside watching him attack you, was I paying enough.'

_**(It did tear me up, it ripped me to pieces. I was helpless to protect her; helpless to stop him and he knew it. He laughed as I tried to get him away, he laughed as he watched me cry, he had got to me, he had got to me through her.) **_

'He asked me if I was happy with the idea of bringing up his child. He said I didn't deserve to be a father to a child and you didn't deserve to be its mother. He hit you so hard in the stomach Dixie, so hard you passed out. He said he would take the child away from you, from us. He said he didn't want to be a father, and I didn't deserve to be a father to his child. There was so much blood Dix, I really thought he had succeeded in destroying the twins…I….'

That was all too much for him to take as he buried his head into her shoulder once more shaking uncontrollably as his tears fell.

'Ok honey, its OK.' Dixie said as she continued to rub his head to calm him down.

'No, it isn't, I told him Dix, I am so sorry.'

'What did you tell him?'

'He was really going for you, he wanted to kill them, he wanted to make us suffer even more. He was convinced he was the father. I didn't tell you, but the paternity results arrived on your birthday, that was what I was reading before I saw him with you. I couldn't help it Dix, I just blurted it out in the hopes he would stop, but it didn't work. He just grinned at me, told me that it changes everything and…'

'Jeffrey, tell me.'

'Their mine Dix, the twins are mine, I am the father, the paternity test proved it.'

'Really? You are not telling me fibs are you Jeffrey?'

'No, look for yourself.' Jeff said as he produced the folded up letter from his back pocket handing it to his wife. There is was in black and white for her to see, **RESULTS OF PATERNITY TEST OF MRS KATHLEEN COLLIER. MOTHER – KATHLEEN COLLIER 100% POSITIVE. FATHER – JEFFREY COLLIER – 100% POSITIVE. **

Dixie couldn't stop the massive smile that formed; they were truly Jeff's children, not the product of rape. She was going to be a mother to his children, her wish was granted.

'It didn't stop him though Dix, he said that we would now pay the ultimate price for this. He was determined to hurt them now he knew I was the father. He picked up the chopping board, stood up in front of you and rammed it so hard into you, your body jerked. He told me I was now going to pay, that you wouldn't want me anymore. Dix, I am really sorry, I truly am.'

'Ssssh Jeff, it's OK, look, I am OK and so are the twins.'

Jeff nodded into his wife's shoulder as he continued to lie there in her arms. Where things really looking up for the pair of them?

'Listen Love, I will be out in a few days and we can get cracking on the nursery. How's about that?'

'Yep, and I can give you your present.'

'What present Jeffrey?'

'Your birthday present, it is at home waiting for you.'

'You are a good man Jeffrey Collier.'

'Yeah, I know.'

Both looked at each other smiling before leaning in to share a kiss, although it was short lived as Dixie winced in pain, placing her hand below the covers onto her stomach, he whole face paled quickly.

'Dix, what it is babe? Do you need some more morphine?'

Dixie didn't respond. Jeff moved away from her getting off the bed, the fact that she didn't respond scared him.

'Dix, talk to me, what is it.'

She didn't say anything, her face paling, tears forming in her eyes as she slowly brought her hand back up from under the covers.

Jeff's face paled immediately as he hit the assistance button hard. All he could see was blood; her hand was covered in blood.

'No, Dix, oh God no.'


	20. Chapter 20

_**(I cannot begin to describe how scared I was just then. It seemed a cruel twist of fate that she found out that I was the father of the twins and now someone was going to snatch that away from us. I couldn't let Karl win, I couldn't let him take them away from us, I couldn't let him take her away from me. The seconds seemed like minutes, hours as we waited for the nurses to come in, I stood there in shock, staring at her bloody hand, looking at her as she paled and panicked. She turned to look at me, tears evident in her eyes, I just stood there, totally dumbfounded. I couldn't believe this was happening again, I couldn't lose another baby, not again. It hurt me so much when Lucy lost our baby, but, it now hurt me even more.**_

_**When the nurses came in, I was pushed to the side of the room watching them as they calmed my wife down, gave her oxygen and lay her flat on her back. I watched on as they pulled the cover away to reveal so much blood, it had soaked her pyjamas, dressing gown and the bed sheets. I knew she was haemorrhaging badly, I knew it wouldn't be good. I stood there watching, tears rolling down my face, it didn't take them long to get rid of me though, one of the nurses took me by the hand and led me outside to wait while they checked her over. I sat on the plastic chair staring into space, watching as people and equipment flew in and out of Dixie's room. I was a mix of worry, panic and anger. Worry about what was happening, panic over what could happen and anger at Karl, he had done this, I was going to make him pay. **_

_**As I am writing this now, six months later, I get choked up. She has just brought me in a cup of tea and some biscuits asking me how I am doing. She has just commented on the amount I have written, she expects to see that in my patient transfer sheets when we are next on shift. I told her not to be stupid. She didn't need to ask where I had got up to; she could see it in my face, in my eyes. We have just spent the last ten minutes in each other's arms, I really needed a big hug and I got one. I am so glad she stayed with me, I am so happy that she still wants to be with me. Karl didn't take her from me, I wasn't going to let him.) **_

'Mr Collier?' Jeff's trance was broken as the Doctor and Midwife sat either side of him outside Dixie's room.

'Jeff, we need to talk to you about Kathleen.' The midwife said softly noticing that he wasn't really taking anything in. 'Shall we go to the office?' She said as they both got up lightly placing a hand on Jeff's shoulder guiding him to the Office away from Dixie.

They made sure he was sat down before they sat opposite him, they needed to tell him what was happening, they needed him to understand what was happening with his wife and children.

'Jeff, as you know, we were unable to ascertain what affect on your children the attack on Kathleen had, we were hopeful that it wasn't going to be much as all of her scans came back clear, both of your children seemed to be developing normally and had healthy heart beats, we were given no cause for concern.'

Jeff seemed to snap back out of his trance. 'You are using the past tense; you said had, seemed, what's happening? What's happened?' Jeff was becoming increasingly concerned and emotional, he didn't want to think that Karl had murdered his children; he didn't want to think that Karl had succeeded in his plan to ruin their lives.

'Mr Collier, we have had to sedate your wife, she is in a lot of pain at the moment, and she really is very poorly.' The doctor continued. 'But we do need to explain to you what has happened and what we are going to do, we will need your consent Mr Collier. Do you think you are in the right frame of mind to do that?'

Jeff nodded. He needed to know exactly what was happening with Dixie and their children. He was going to do everything in his power to save and protect them.

'Mr Collier, it appears that Kathleen has some internal injuries as a result of being attacked in her stomach, now we know that she was hit repeatedly with a chopping board at full force, this has caused some problems for her. It appears that the more she had moved around, to try and get better, she has caused more damage to herself. We are going to need to perform some surgery on her to find out where the damage is and repair it. Now, we think at the moment her appendix is on the verge of bursting, so we need to operate quickly. I need to have your consent Mr Collier.'

Jeff nodded before asking, his voice barely audible, 'What about our children?'

The Doctor looked over at the Midwife, who, up until that point, had been quiet.

'Jeff, Kathleen has lost a lot of blood, the ultrasound shows that the placenta is starting to break down and leave her body.'

'What does that mean?' Jeff asked as fresh tears formed in his eyes.

'It means that we may have to deliver them early. At the moment, they do seem to be OK, it isn't usually a problem if the Placenta breaks down during pregnancy, but, there is a concern that if it breaks down even more, Kathleen will not be able to provide your children with the nourishment they need to develop normally. She will not be able to go full term on the pregnancy.'

'Will they be safe, you know when you operate on her?'

'Yes Mr Collier, they will be perfectly safe, there are no known risks of the anaesthetic or surgery on pregnant women, although, we cannot be certain at this point how you wife will react post op, you may need to prepare yourself.' The doctor said not taking his eyes off Jeff who was still visibly in a state of shock.

'Jeff, do we still have your consent to operate?' The midwife asked.

'Yes, please, help my wife and look after our children. I don't know what I would…' but he never finished that sentence. Taking a few deep breaths, Jeff looked up to the ceiling, 'Can I see her before she goes to Theatre?'

'Of course you can Jeff, but, she is sedated.'

Jeff nodded that he understood before following the Midwife back to Dixie's room.

_**(I stood outside her door for a little while, not knowing what I was going to see as I walked in, I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was that bad. The midwife opened the door for me and gave me a light pat on the back as she guided me in closing the door behind me. Dix looked a mix of peaceful and a mix of being in pain. She was now in a hospital gown, her blood soaked clothes were in a bag at the end of her bed. Seems silly, but I hoped that she wasn't expecting me to try and wash the blood out of them. I thought it would be easier to buy her new ones, so I opened the bin and threw them away. I would buy her anything she wanted; just as long as she was safe and so were our children. **_

_**She had a second drip attached to her; they were trying to replace lost blood. I sat on her bed holding her hand, stroking her hair and face. I couldn't lose her, no matter what, I couldn't. She had her other hand resting on her baby bump, just like she does when she is sleeping at home. Two small people depended on us right now; they depended on me holding it together and their mother making a speedy recovery. **_

_**I kissed her softly before they took her away to theatre; I kept my fingers crossed that everything would be OK, that she would be back here in her room with me by her side soon. I didn't know what they would find when they opened her up, I didn't know if they had got to her appendix in time, I was totally in the dark, left to my own thoughts, my own fears, my own emotions. I was on my own and I hated it. But, one thing was clear to me, I was going to get Karl myself, if the police wouldn't do it, I would. There was no way he was going to take her or our children from us. I could just hear her voice in my head, telling me not to be so stupid and let the police deal with him, but I couldn't. It was because of me she has ended up like this, it is because of my need to 'fix broken Britain' as she tells me that has got her in this mess. **_

_**I think I am going to leave it here for a minute; I am in need of another hug from my beautiful wife before I can continue. The next bit is going to be really hard to write down as well, so, I need all the love I can get right now, and I know just the person who can give it to me).**_

_A / N – Here you go, another chapter down. I am afraid this will be the last update until next week. I have an idea for the next chapter, but I warn you now, It isn't going to be pretty. So, as I don't think I left it on a cliff-hanger, here are some questions for you to ponder (cruel aren't I?) – What will happen with Dixie during the surgery? Will the twin's deffo be OK or is there something else to come? What will Jeff do if he catches Karl? _

**I will leave you to ponder and await my next update! Thanks for all the kind and supportive reviews xx**


	21. Chapter 21

_**A / N – Sorry for the delay in updates, hope this one is OK. Oh, by the way, I do not think any of this is medically possible, but it made for a god idea! Not the most amazing update to this story I am afraid, but thanks for all the reviews. **_

Jeff wandered into the Ambulance Station making a bee line for the Paramedic Staff room where he found Tamzin and Norman on a break. _**(Dixie was still in theatre, I couldn't stand pacing her small room on my own thinking about what could be happening to her, so I decided some fresh air and company is what I needed. Looking back, I should have stayed put, yet again, me and my stupid ideas back fired). **_

'Hey Jeff, how's Dixie?' Tamzin asked looking up from her mug of tea as she saw Jeff come in.

'She is in theatre.'

'Oh my God, what happened?' Tamzin asked, worry evident in her voice as she moved in closer to Jeff.

'They think she has internal injuries and a possible damaged appendix.' Jeff replied staring at the floor.

Tamzin didn't quite know what to do or say to Jeff at that point. She knew all about the attack in their house and that Jeff spent his days by Dixie's side. However, she knew Jeff and knew he would need one thing:

'Tea?'

'Now that sounds like a good idea, thanks Tamzin.' He replied raising a small smile before staring back at the floor.

'She will be alright Jeff; Dixie is a fighter you know.'

'I know, but I wonder just how much more of a fighter she can be you know.'

'What about the twins?' Tamzin asked tentatively as she placed a mug of tea in front of Jeff before returning to her seat opposite Norman. She knew that they were incredibly happy that they were having a family, Dixie had sent her a text telling her that they were definitely Jeff's and she couldn't have been happier to be carrying his children. Tamzin was pleased for the pair of them.

'They think they will be OK, it's all down to Dixie now.' Jeff replied trying to convince himself that everything was going to be fine and that nothing else could possibly happen to them.

'I am sure they will be fine, she will be receiving the best care up there and she will also be well cared for when she gets home.' Tamzin said patting Jeff on his arm as she added the last bit.

'Yeah, look what my brilliant and outstanding care at home did to her. It got her in this mess in the first place.' Jeff retorted before retracting his arm away.

'Jeff, you cannot think like that, you were not to know.'

But before Jeff could answer, before he fought back, the door flew open as the midwife stumbled in looking rather flustered and panicked. This is in itself was enough to get Jeff's heart racing.

'Mr Collier, Jeff, I am glad I found you.' The Midwife said as she burst into the Paramedic Staffroom. 'I had a feeling you would come down here and wait.'

'What is it? What is the matter?' Jeff asked worry and panic becoming more and more evident in his voice.

'Jeff, is there somewhere more private we can go?' The Midwife urged but this only seemed to panic Jeff even more.

'Just tell me please.' He practically begged her. _**(I didn't care if Tamzin or Norman knew what was going on, they would find out soon enough from the Holby ED grapevine, but she was unnerving me, something was wrong, I could sense it. Mentally I had prepared myself for the worst possible scenario, although, it was nothing compared to the decision I was going to have to make). **_

'Jeff, it seems that Kathleen did need her appendix taking out, which they have done, but, it appears she has sustained some damage to her womb.'

'What does that mean? Oh God, please tell me they are all three OK, please?' Jeff had to really try hard to fight back the tears that were forming in his eyes, he couldn't believe that this was happening to him.

'Jeff, there is no easy way to say this, but I need to explain something to you.'

Jeff nodded before the Midwife continued, his mouth was hanging open, shock and despair clearly written on his face.

'Jeff, we cannot keep your children inside Kathleen anymore. She will not be able to carry them full term; her womb is too badly damaged. If she does, as her womb expands, it could rupture and cause more damage to her. If we keep the twins inside, it could cost Kathleen her life, but I need you to understand that if we deliver the twins, they may not survive for long as she is only 25 weeks into her pregnancy.'

Jeff paled and had began to shake, he could feel tears rolling down his face, out of the corner of his eye he saw Tamzin, she looked just as shocked as he did at what she was hearing, her face one of sympathy. Jeff didn't say anything, he couldn't.

'Jeff, I know this is hard for you, but we need a decision from you. Do we perform a caesarean on Kathleen and save her, or do we attempt to carry on with the pregnancy?'

_**(What a decision to have to make, I was being asked to decide between the life of my wife and the lives of our children. I wouldn't have wished that on my worst enemy, but here I was being asked to make that call. Do I save Dixie or do I save our children? Do I want my wife or do I want my children? Whatever decision I made, it was going to have ramifications for me later on, if I chose Dixie, I would have to explain myself to her and why I chose to let our children die, but if I chose the children, could I live with myself for letting Dixie die and could I bring up our children on my own? What would you have done if you were me?) **_

'Jeff, I am really sorry, but I need to let the Doctor know now before it is too late.' The midwife pressed again, she could see she was asking a lot and that it was going to be a really hard call.

'Will the twins survive?' was all Jeff could muster at that point.

'It is early days, if we deliver them, they will be in intensive care, their development physically is a concern, so we don't know. Usually it is unlikely they will survive beyond a few days. I am sorry Jeff.' The midwife sounded very sympathetic, it was clearly disturbing her being the bearer or such news, but it had to be done, she knew it and so did Jeff. It didn't make it any easier having to explain this to someone who was also medically trained; she knew he would figure out the symptoms and consequences eventually.

_**(It was tearing me apart, but deep down I knew what I had to do, there was never going to be any doubt in my mind about that. At that time I was filled with grief, sadness, worry, practically any negative emotion any human could experience, but there was one that was rising and coming to the front, my absolute hatred for Karl. He had taken everything from me, he had succeeded. I was left wondering what the consequences of my action would mean. I would lose my children but save my wife who I may ultimately lose as a result of this). **_

'Please, please save my Dixie.' Jeff said as he made eye contact with the midwife, his eyes telling a story of true love and concern for his wife.

The midwife nodded, placed a comforting hand on his arm and left him to his thoughts.

Tamzin went to move forward to Jeff but, he simply got up and without a word headed to Dixie's office closing the door shut behind him sliding down it collapsing to the floor crying silent tears.

_**(I couldn't lose her, I really couldn't, but I had just practically condemned our children in the process. Would she ever forgive me or understand what I did? As much as it pained me, I knew I couldn't survive without her and I knew it was going to be hard explaining everything to her. I sat there and felt as though my life was over, Karl had taken everything from me, my family, my children, my wife, would I ever get it back?) **_


	22. Chapter 22

'Dix please don't be like that.'

'How do you want me to be Jeffrey? I can't believe you did that, I can't believe you would….'

'DIX PLEASE, that isn't fair and you know it. Have you any idea how hard the decision was to make? Do you?'

'From where I am standing, it would have been an easy one.'

'How do you figure that one out? Dix, I had to choose between you and our children. I had a choice, save you by delivering the twins early or risk losing you and them if you went full term. How the hell was that an easy decision to make?'

Jeff was upset; it had been three days since Dixie's surgery, since he had to make the decision to deliver the twins early and save his wife. He knew he was going to have a tough time explaining his reasoning to Dixie, but he had no idea that she would be this livid with him. Now, there they were, three days later stood in SCBU looking down at their twin boys who were hooked up to various machines in their incubator. Jeff had confessed all to Dixie when she had come around from the anaesthetic, he had even taken her to see their sons, but now she wasn't talking to him unless it was to start an argument, she wasn't happy with him; she couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

'You should have saved them Jeff not me. You should have made the right decision for our children, NOT for you.'

'Dixie, I did. I cannot live without you and you know it. I had to decide whether to save you and have a mother for our sons or save our sons and bring them up without a mother. Dix, I did what I thought was right at the time.'

Dixie spun her head around to face him; her face screwed up with anger and hurt, she was angry with herself for the situation and was hurting for her sons. Either way, she took it out on Jeff, 'Look at your sons Jeffrey, take a long hard look at our children, the children you have chosen to let die. Look at the young lives you have taken away.'

'That's harsh.'

'No it isn't, it is the truth Jeffrey, look at our children and think about what you have done.'

'Dix, please don't be like this.'

It was too late; she was already heading out of the room and out of SCBU leaving Jeff stood by the incubator watching his children as tears streamed down his face. Did she really think he would want them or her to die?

_**(It was really hard explaining, well trying to explain, to her why I had given consent for the twins to be delivered, explaining to her the risks of her carrying them full term, explaining to her why it was important for her to live. I tried to remain hopeful that our sons would pull through and be happy and healthy, but we had to prepare ourselves for the worst. I can remember the first time I saw them; Dixie was still out cold so I took the opportunity to visit them in SCBU. **_

_**They looked really peaceful in their tiny cot, all their features were so small, but you could tell they were mine, you could also tell they were Dixie's. I had a massive smile on my face as I sat there watching them taking photos so I could show Dixie later on. **_

_**It took me so long to pluck up the courage to tell her about what had happened. I could tell she wasn't happy as she pulled her hand away from mine, turned away and refused to look at me. Even when I took her to see our children, she wouldn't cuddle me, kiss me; it was almost as if I made her skin crawl. Each time she rejected me, she took a piece of my heart away. She honestly thought and believed she wasn't worth saving, she honestly thought that she should have been allowed to die. It hurt me to recognise that, but I was determined to get her to realise that she is worth so much to me, that she was worth the risk. Christ I love this woman so much; I needed to let her see that. **_

_**She was eventually discharged from hospital three days after our argument in SCBU, I remember taking her home and trying to look after her as best as I could, but it wasn't the same. She wouldn't let me near her at all. I knew she was angry with me; this was further compounded when she told me to 'sod off to my old room'. I couldn't bear it, but I knew she was hurting, I was as well. I needed to get to the bottom of it, no matter how long it took.)**_

The days went passed slowly for Jeff and Dixie who seemed to spend each waking hour with their children in SCBU. Jeff had to go back to work leaving Dixie on her own either at home or at the hospital. They didn't really talk to each other, hold each other or show any affection towards one another. _**(Well, I did, I would always try to hug and kiss her but she would push me away) **_

Jeff had now had enough, it had been two weeks since the surgery, since the boys were placed in SCBU and Dixie was still being distant with him, he couldn't take it anymore, he was craving her love, her attention, her warmth. He had to get to the bottom of what was going on in her head, he wanted to help.

'Dix?'

'What.'

'Can we talk?'

'About?'

'You know what about.' Jeff said softly looking on at his wife who was stood in their bedroom doing the ironing.

'Oh, you want to talk about how you decided to let our children die.' Dixie spat back at him slamming the iron down onto one of his shirts.

'Don't say it like that Babe..'

'Don't you bloody babe me.'

'Dix…'

'No Jeff, you listen, I will never, EVER, forgive you for what you have done.' Dixie cried out angrily as she continued to slam the iron over his clothes. Her anger and frustration becoming more evident with every action.

'Please Dixie, please try and see it from my point of view, put yourself in my position.'

That was it, Jeff had done it now. Dixie's eyes shot up at him making eye contact with him for the first time in days. The iron was slammed onto the side of the ironing board as she picked up the shirt screwing it up into a ball throwing it at Jeff.

'See it from YOUR position. You want me to see this whole situation from YOUR POINT OF VIEW? Are you absolutely serious?'

'YES I BLOODY DO. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING ASKED TO DECIDE BETWEEN THE ONE YOU LOVE AND YOUR UNBORN CHILDDREN. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE BLOODY DONE KATHLEEN? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE ME?' Jeff didn't want to get cross with her or even shout at her, but he needed her to see what he was going through, how he was feeling. This only riled Dixie even more, she objected to being called Kathleen and she certainly objected to him shouting at her.

Unable to contain herself anymore, Dixie started her verbal ambush at her husband who simply stood there, mouth hanging open, shocked at what he was hearing her say.

_**(I couldn't believe what I was hearing, is that really how she felt? I felt bad, I had only been thinking of me in all this, thinking of the affect it was having on me, I hadn't once tried to see it from her point of view, hadn't once tried to understand her feelings. My heart well and truly melted for her then and there, she really needed me and I really needed her. Strangely, I think this brought us closer together in the end; we were able to be truthful with one another, truly share what was going on in our heads. I held her so tightly that night; I was never going to let her go not now I realised what she was putting herself through.) **_

'Dix, how can you think this is all your fault?' Jeff said sympathetically as he held his wife close to him.

'I am their mother Jeff, if only I had taken it easy, not tried to run before I could walk, I wouldn't have ruptured my appendix and I would still be pregnant with them. It is my fault Jeff.'

'Princess, it really isn't, if anything it is my fault. I should have fought harder when Karl was here, I should have protected you but I didn't, if anything, you are not to blame, I am.'

'Jeff I feel so bad that I have failed our children as a mother, so very bad for the fact that they are lying there in SCBU, there is nothing I can do Jeff, absolutely nothing.' Dixie whispered as she buried her head into her husband.

'Sweet pea, please trust me when I say it, you have done nothing wrong, you are not to blame and should not feel guilty. Our sons are still with us, yes, they are poorly, but, they get stronger by the day Babe, we need to keep hopeful for their sake.'

_**(How could she blame herself, I had no idea that she felt 100 percent responsible for what had happened to the babies, she blamed herself for their early delivery. I couldn't let her carry this guilt; I wasn't going to let her). **_


	23. Chapter 23

_**A /N- Once again thank you for all the reviews. I figured we needed a little Collier happiness as I have put them through a lot in this fic but there is still more to come for them. Enjoy. **_

Jeff landed heavily on his pillow letting out a huge sigh as a snile formed across his face.

"Well Mrs Collier I think that was long overdue.'

Dixie smiled at her husband as she rolled over placing her head on his chest running her fingers up and down his upper torso. 'I think so too Mr Collier.'

'I love you babe you know that don't you?'

'I know Mr Collier and I love you too. Do you fancy a cuppa?' Dixie asked as she threw back the covers pulling on her dressing gown.

'Yeah why not. You have worn me out Mrs Collier.' Jeff smirked as he pulled the covers over him pretending to snuggle back down to sleep.

'Don't you even think about it.' Dixie said as she lightly tapped his arm getting up off the bed heading over to fill up the kettle.

Jeff watched her move around their room before he too got up, fished around for his dressing gown before walking over to the window. He pulled the curtains to reveal beautiful sunlight that shone brightly into their room taking in the beautiful rolling countryside. It was going to be a good day indeed. Jeff smiled to himself, this weekend was just what they needed especially after everything that had happened. Turning around he walked over to his wife snaking his arms around her waist placing soft tender kisses on her neck.

'Jeffrey, what are you doing?' Dixie asked trying to mask her delight.

'Oh come on Dix you know you want to.'

'Jeff stop it.' She said through her giggles as Jeff continued to kiss her neck.

'We deserve this Dix. A relaxing weekend, just us in this luxury room in the exclusive spa I got you as a birthday present. All we need to do is enjoy it.'

'Yes Jeffrey by taking up the treatments not by staying in bed all day.' Dixie replied turning to face her husband before their lips locked once more.

_**(Yeah, I bought Dix some earrings and a spa weekend break for her birthday. We decided that we would go after she got out of hospital. We booked it the day after she told me she blamed herself for not protecting our children, we decided we needed some pampering after everything we had been through. I never intended her to bring me along with her, I thought she would take Zoe or Tess but she didn't she brought me and my God I am glad she did. The weekend brought us closer together as a couple, we finally acknowledged how we really felt for each other, our relationship was back on track in more ways than one.)**_

'No Jeff stop it I mean it.' Dixie contined to protest as Jeff had picked her up throwing her down back onto the bed before pinning her down in a soft and affectionate way

'Cmon Dix just a little while longer.'

'No get off me you big baboon lets go and have some breakfast before we start our weekend of relaxing treatments.'

Jeff pouted before he obediantly got up pulling Dixie up with him. They enjoyed a lavish breakfast before heading off for an all body massage and facial scrub. It was now the afternoon, Jeff went off to play some golf while Dixie relaxed by the pool with a book.

It wasnt long before the memories she had tried so hard to push to the back of her mind came to the fore. She thought back over the rape, over the attack and its consequences. It saddened her deeply, she could feel herself welling up so decided she needed some privacy heading back to their suite.

_**(That is where I found her when I got back. I asked her why she didnt call or text me, she said she didnt want to spoil my game and that she was alright. I could tell she wasn't though, I could tell she was still beating herself up about what happened. It really wasnt her fault but no matter how often I told her that, no matter how often I held her I knew she was still struggling all I had to do was be there for her. I am glad she forgave me for choosing her over the twins she saw things from my point of view as I saw things from hers. We were finally truthful with each other and it injected something new into our relationship). **_

Jeff pulled his wife close to him 'Right Princess I have a table booked for us at the resturant. We are going to have an amazing meal followed up with a walk by the lake. What do you say to that?'

'Sounds perfect Jeffrey absolutely perfect. I am so grateful to you Mr Collier. You are just perfect you know.' Dixie replied gazing up into her husbands eyes as he looked down at her.

'Yeah I know I am.' Jeff smirked earning him another playful slap on the arm.

The rest of the weekend was spent enjoying each others company and the various treatments the Spa had to offer. It was long overdue and well needed as they returned home feeling invigorated and revitalised.

'Thank you Jeffrey.' Dixie whispered as she collapsed into bed next to her husband.

'Nah princess thank you.'

'For what?' Dixie asked puzzled propping herself up on her arm looking into Jeff's eyes.

'Staying with me after...you know.'

'I was never going to leave you Jeffrey Collier. Never.' Dixie responded leaning down onto her husband as they were once more locked in a passionate embrace.

_**(I did not want the weekend to end I really didn't. I felt like I had my wife back I had my Dixie back. She wanted me and I wanted her, we realised that after everything we needed each other. I didn't want Monday to come, I didn't want what was coming our way to come. Either way I was determined to enjoy the last night of our weekend together and my God I did.)**_

_**A/N Sorry for any mistakes - did this on my phone while watching Waterloo Road on DVD. Thanks for all the kind reviews. **_


	24. Chapter 24

'Ah here they come back from their relaxing spa weekend.' Tamzin called out across the ambulance station as Jeff and Dixie walked in holding hands both looking very chilled with huge grins on their faces.

'So how was it then?' she asked as the couple got closer to her.

'Great thanks just what we needed.' Dixie replied with a smile.

'Yeah plenty of treatments, sun, sleep and a shed load of...'

'JEFF.' Dixie shouted as her face turned red with embarrassment.

'Golf Dix. I was going to say Golf. Although the other activities were fantastic.' Jeff responded giving his wife a smile as he whispered the last sentence in her ear causing her to blush even more.

'Its OK Dix.' Tamzin replied. 'Good to have you back though boss.'

'Yeah about time as well.' Dixie said smiling.

'It may be good to have you back Mrs Collier but you have to take it easy.'

'Jeff I am 39 not 4.' Dixie responded turning towards her husband planting a light kiss on his lips watching as he smiled in return.

'Aw.' Tamzin said

'Very unprofessional.' Norman retorted as he pushed passed them heading towards the staffroom.

'Whats his problem?' Jeff asked.

'Oh ignore him, everyone else has.' Tamzin said as she hugged Dixie. 'He isnt Mr Popular around here at the moment, no one wants to be paired with him.'

'Cant blame them.' Jeff replied as he again took hold of Dixie's hand. 'Right Mrs Collier lets get changed for work.'

'Sounds like a good idea Jeffrey. Come on then handsome.'

_**(Things were looking up for us. It had been six months since her attack but only about a month since the twins. Christ I cannot even write it without welling up. Anyway, we had a great weekend lots of pampering and a hell of a lot of sex. I didnt want to go back to work and I didnt want her coming back either. I think it was because I didnt want her getting hurt again. She had come a long way recently I didnt want her relapsing. **_

_**The police made fortnightly visits to us, each time they told us they had no news on Karl. Each time they said that I saw a little bit more of her confidence slip away, she would be nervous for days after that. Double locking the door, not wanting to be on her own. They had to find him if not then I would.)**_

The weeks continued to pass quite quickly for them as the couple spent their time at work or at home. There was still no sign of Karl Jeff wondered if he would come back but Dixie was convinced they hadnt seen the last of him.

'Jeff?' Dixie asked as she rolled over in bed one night.

'What?'

'Do you think we will ever be safe again?'

'Babe I have told you I dont think he is gonna come back. You are safe. I am not going to let anyone hurt you again.' Jeff responded as he played with her hair.

'I dunno.'

'What do you mean you dunno?'

'I just have a feeling thats all that he will come back. I just have a feeling we will see him again.' Dixie wasnt sure if she should share how she was feeling with Jeff but they had promised to be honest with each other no matter how the other reacted.

'Well I will tell you now if we do I am going to make him pay.'

'That isnt going to solve anything is it?'

'It will make me feel better though.'

'Yeah and land you in prison. You do say some stupid things Jeffrey.' Dixie said as she moved up closer resting her head next to his on the pillow.

'I am telling you Dix. If I see him again I will...' but Dixie didnt let him finish as she placed her fingers on his lips stopping him.

'Promise me Jeffrey that you will not do anything stupid which results in me loosing you. Promise me.'

Jeff looked into her eyes and could see her obvious worry. He promised her he wouldnt do anything stupid she needed him and he needed her. Jeff nodded at his wife before pulling her closer to him falling asleep in each others arms.

_**(Dont get me wrong I totally get why she was still worried and I promised her I wouldnt go looking for Karl and if by some bizarre twist of fate he did come back that I wouldnt do anything stupid. I still feel as though I need to make it up to her I still feel as though I need to prove to her and everyone that I can protect her. Truth is I didnt want to do anything which meant I would lose her. Our relationship means so much to me, I would be an idiot to do anything to wreck it. **_

_**Strangely though that damn sixth sense of hers was right. We did see Karl again but not how we were expecting to. I couldnt believe how it happened but what shocked me more was how Dixie reacted. Her actions made me so proud of her but they equally made me so very ashamed at myself.)**_

'I hate working nights.' Jeff grumbled as he sat in the back of the ambulance pouting like an impetulant child as Dixie walked in holding the teas.

'I am not a big fan of them either Jeff but we do need to work some night shifts.'

'I dont know what is worse Dix. Night shift or a Friday night shift.' Jeff said as he glanced down at his watch throwing his head back into the headrest 'Nine and a half hours to go.'

The shift was going to be a long one they had already dealt with two minor injuries and a hoax call so, in a way he was glad of the peace.

'Holby control to 3006.'

'3006 receiving over.'

'Major RTC on Holby Interchange. Three cars involved injuries and numbers unknown. Police and Fire crews in attendance.'

'All received and enroute over.' Jeff said clipping the radio back onto his belt as Dixie shut the doors heading for the passenger side.

_**(The drive to the shout was quick and we both sprang into action quickly. Dixie did what she does best bossing people around shouting orders at the other paramedics. I just went straight in assessing the situation, counting casualties, spotting injuries so I could give her an update. She always made me proud of her when we were on shouts, she was always very professional very kind and I was reminded that day why I love her so much.) **_

'Right what have we got Jeff?'

'Three over there all minor injuries but it looks like we have a prolonged entrapment here.' Jeff said as he pointed to a casualty.

'OK. Let me have a look.' Dixie said as she carefully moved around the wreckage to see the patient. 'Jeff.'

_**(I saw her freeze where she was, colour draining from her face. I moved over to sit beside her thinking she had seen an injury that made her feel a little queasey. I wasnt expecting to see what I was. I really struggled to control myself then I really did.) **_

'Jeff its Karl.'


	25. Chapter 25

'Jeff put some oxygen on him and pass me the neck brace please lover.'

'No fucking way Dix.'

'Jeffrey, now.'

'Leave him Dix.'

'Do what?' She asked bemused at what she was hearing.

'I said leave him, don't waste your time on treating him, he doesn't deserve it.'

'That is not for you to decide Jeffrey, our job is to save lives, not play God.'

'He raped you Dixie, he attacked you, he….'

'Don't Jeff, please.' Dixie responded as her voice started to shake.

'You cannot treat him Dixie, not after everything he has done to you, to us.'

'Jeffrey, he is a patient and we are Paramedics, we need to treat him.'

'Well I'm not.' Jeff sat back on his legs folding his arms making it perfectly clear to his wife that he was going to refuse Karl treatment.

'You cannot be serious Jeff?'

'Deadly. He doesn't deserve our help.'

'We don't leave anyone, remember Jeff, we don't leave anyone. Now, I am going to ask you one more time as your boss to put the oxygen on him and pass me a neck brace.' Dixie spoke as calmly as she could whilst maintaining a firm grip on Karl's neck, she didn't want to risk any further injuries if he suddenly woke up and jolted his body.

'No'. Jeff continued to be defiant which only served to annoy Dixie even more.

'Jeffrey Collier I am ordering you to get the bloody Oxygen and a neck brace. After that you are to go and treat some of the minor injuries and leave me to deal with Karl.' Dixie spoke turning slightly to face her husband keeping her tone hushed but making sure her anger was showing.

'I am not leaving you with him.'

'It is not like he is going anywhere is it?' Dixie tried to remain calm but she was finding this harder by the second. 'Neck Brace and Oxygen then go and make yourself useful somewhere else Collier.'

_**(I didn't want to leave her nor did I want her treating Karl, but one thing I have learnt over the years is not to mess with Dixie at work. She will have no problem hauling me over the coals at work if I stepped out of line, on numerous occasions she has told me off in front of other paramedics for misbehaving, being unprofessional etc. I think she does it publically because we have had some stick over the years that I get special treatment because I am married to her, I can tell you now I don't. I think, if anything, I get more of a rough ride because I am married to her. I knew she was cross with me, but I couldn't just forget what that piece of shit had done to her and there she was willing to treat him. I had no choice, I had to follow her instruction and leave knowing full well I was in for one hell of a bollocking at work as well as when we got home.) **_

'Here.' Jeff spat as he roughly placed the oxygen on him and threw her a neck brace before getting up to leave.

Dixie struggled to get the brace on, but once she was sure it was secure, she moved to sit as best as she could in front of Karl to get IV access going as well as check his vitals.

'Got yourself in a bit of a mess here haven't you kid?' she said as she put in a couple of lines and set up a saline drip. 'Don't worry though, we are going to get you out and take you to the ED.'

Karl didn't respond to her, he was out cold and in a way Dixie was pleased about this, it made her job that little bit easier knowing that he couldn't respond, couldn't insult, couldn't remind her of what he did, what he took. She was struggling enough to hold it together, but she did.

It seemed like she was waiting an eternity for the fire crews to cut Karl out, she had given him some morphine and placed a frac pack on his arm and leg. The entrapment was going to be hard; she just hoped he stayed unconscious so he wouldn't feel the pain, however, best laid plans of mice and men.

'OK Karl, I need you to stay calm for me, we are going to try and lift you out. Now I am not going to lie to you, but it is going to hurt.' Dixie said in her usual sympathetic way as Karl slowly came to.

'AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.'

'OK sweetheart, take nice deep breaths on this for me, come on you are doing really well.'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR RRR.'

'OK fellas can we stop a minute so I can get a look at the leg before we proceed thank you.' Dixie ordered the firemen as they ceased their rescue so she could get a better look. It didn't look good, his leg was severely dislocated and the bone had broken the skin, it was going to need reducing and reducing fast.

'OK Karl, if we are going to save your leg we need to move quickly OK, I will give you some more morphine, OK?' Dixie asked as she prepared the injection.

'Why are you doing this?'

'It's my job mate.'

'I raped you lezza, I beat you up in front of your pathetic husband, do you still want to help me?'

'OK, there is the morphine in, OK fellas, let's get him out.'

'AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR for fucks sake.' Karl screamed as he was released from the car and placed on a board on the trolley. Dixie wasted no time in applying dressings to his leg and strapping him up.

_**(I heard Karl scream as he was loaded onto the trolley so I knew he was awake, I was scared as to what he would say or try and do to Dixie, so, I left the minors with Stevie and Dom to go and be with my wife. I knew she probably wouldn't want me there after what I had done and I was all too well prepared for the frosty reception, but I had to be with her, I couldn't leave her.) **_

'Dix let me help.' Jeff said as he got closer to his wife who was busying herself not looking at Karl who was laying there with a sadistic grin on his face.

'Oh look, here comes your sad and pathetic husband.' He smirked.

'It's OK Jeff, I have got it.'

'No Dix, its fine, let me help.'

'I SAID I HAVE GOT IT.' Dixie shouted back looking directly into Jeff's eyes as she did, this only provided Karl with the entertainment he needed, he may have been in immense pain, but there was something delightful about watching the two of them argue.

'Oh dear, is all not right with Mr and Mrs Collier?' he smirked

'Shut it you little shit.' Jeff spat back getting all in Karl's face.

'Jeffrey.' Dixie called.

'Yeah, listen to your boss Jeffrey, I know you want to do me in, but I know as well as you do, if you did, with all of these witnesses, you will lose your job. Shall I take that away from you as well as your…'

'I SAID SHUT IT.' Jeff roared causing Karl to laugh and Dixie to glare. _**(I knew I shouldn't have responded, I shouldn't have let him get to me, but it was so hard, it really was. She banned me from driving them back to the ED, she got Dom to do it instead, I was sent off to help Stevie. I made Dom promise though to look after her, I kind of told him that if anything happened, I would come after him. I can remember watching as they loaded Karl in, I stood there feeling helpless and angry, Dixie didn't even look at me, and I knew I had annoyed her.)**_

'Let's go Dom.' Dixie called as she shut the back doors not making eye contact with Jeff who was stood there watching. As she moved in the back of the ambulance, Karl was gloating, trying to get Dixie to react to him in any way he could.

'So Lezza, how is married life treating you now a day?'

Dixie didn't respond but carried on checking his vitals and filling in the paperwork.

'Oi, I am talking to you beast.'

Still no response.

'Oh Lezza, what am I to do with you and your husband?'

'I need you to keep this mask on for me taking nice long deep breaths.' Dixie responded moving the mask back over Karl's mouth.

'This is going to be one long ride for you Lezza, one long ride.'

Dixie didn't respond, she was determined to remain professional, she was a paramedic, her job, to treat patients no matter who they were or what they had done. Karl was trying hard to get a response, he wanted to show her that even though he was immobilised, he was still the boss, someone to be feared.

'So, Lezza, how is your husband, still wants to be with you even though I got there first? Does he still hold you like you want him to? Oh yeah, I mean to ask, how are your children?' As soon as Karl said this, Dixie's facial expression changed, it was one thing Karl taunting her about the rape, but it was another to talk about the twins. Thankfully she didn't need to respond to that either, the back doors opened, they had arrived at the ED.

_**(She only told me about this afterwards, how she held it together, remained calm, maintained the upper hand in the situation I will never know, but I am immensely proud of her, she proved to be the better person that day, I knew it, she knew it and deep down the little shit called Karl knew it as well. But, no matter what, she still carried on treating him and helping him, she wouldn't come near me when all I wanted to do was hold her close, it all came out in the end though. I often wondered throughout those few months how much more she could take, and that day, I saw her break). **_

**A / N – Not too happy with the ending I am afraid, but I couldn't think of anything else. **


	26. Chapter 26

'This is Karl Fontayne aged 24 involved in the RTC…'

'Wait did you say Karl Fontayne?' Zoe asked concern evident in her voice as she met Dixie outside the ED.

'Yep, trapped in the driver's side of the vehicle had to be cut out. Query fracture to the right arm and right leg, left leg in a pretty bad way and I suspect needs reducing before we lose his pulse. He has had 20 of Morphine and that's the second litre of saline going in now. Loss of consciousness but came to about 40 minutes ago.' Dixie continued as professionally as she could whilst wheeling Karl into Resus with Zoe and Tess in tow.

'Dix you need to go, you shouldn't have had to treat him.' Tess said trying to reassure her friend who was busy handing over the paperwork and reattaching the oxygen to the ED supply. 'Dixie, thank you now go and get a coffee.'

'Police have been informed and are on their way, they need to get a statement from him about the RTC.' Dixie responded not making eye contact with anyone in Resus, they all knew she shouldn't have had to treat him, not after what he did to her.

'OK Karl, I am going to have to reduce this leg if I am going to stand any chance of saving it, now I am not going to lie to you, but this is going to hurt a lot.' Zoe spoke up slightly louder than normal but getting her point across.

'Is there anyone you would like me to contact for you?' Tess asked in her usual calm and caring way.

'No, I ain't got anyone thanks to her husband.' Karl spat venomously back looking straight at Dixie who was still rooted to the spot.

Tess could see that Dixie had frozen, she was full of concern for her friend as she went over placing a comforting arm on her shoulder, 'Dix, where is Jeff?'

'In the other ambulance.'

'OK, you need to take a breather Dix, we have got it now and the Police are on their way.' Tess spoke ever so softly, Dixie could see her mouth moving, but didn't not comprehend anything that she said.

'Right Karl, I need you to take nice deep breaths and on the count of three I will reduce your leg ready?' Zoe confirmed.

'No' Karl snapped back before turning to face Dixie again, 'Come here Lezza.'

'Dixie I really think you should leave now…' Tess started to push Dixie towards the door.

'No, she ain't going anywhere, I said come here Lezza or do you want me to sort you out again like I did before?'

Dixie shook her head, feeling both frightened and embarrassed at the fact she was actually doing what Karl wanted, she gingerly approached the bed gasping when he clasped hold of her hand. Everyone could see she was absolutely petrified, but they all stood back watching it happen, no one really sure of what to do. If they intervened, they could make things worse for Dixie, but if they stood back and watched, he could o something to her leaving them all to contend with Jeff. They were truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

'Do your worst Doc.' Karl said before turning back to Dixie 'Cos whatever they do to me, is nothing compared to what I have done or will do to you, you got that Lezza.' Karl whispered through clenched teeth, Dixie nodded.

'OK, ready, one, two, three'

'Arrrrrr, FUCKING HELL.' Karl shouted as he squirmed in absolute agony. He had really tightened his grip on Dixie, not only did you hear his bone snap back into place, but you also heard her wrist break as well.

Dixie wriggled her hand out of Karl grasp before she quickly tried to remove her wedding ring watching her left hand swell incredibly quickly. Had he really just done that, hadn't he already done enough damage? Dixie remained in utter shock coupled with utter agony, was this really happeneing?

'Right, that's it; you do not speak to any member of staff here like that do you hear me Mr Fontayne? If you carry on we will refuse to treat you and send you off to a different hospital under police guard, you got that.' Zoe lectured almost getting right up into his face. 'Tess, get Dixie's wrist seen to please and for Christ sake get Jeff and the police now, the quicker this piece of vermin is out of here the better.'

Tess nodded signalling for Linda and Lloyd to take over before she ushered Dixie out and into HDC.

_**(It was at that point that I arrived with a few minor injuries, I got there just in time to see Dixie being led out of Resus nursing her left hand, I could see it was broken, I could see she was in pain, had he done that to her with everyone there? I couldn't and didn't want to believe that he would have hurt her not after everything she had done, not with other people there. Why didn't they protect her? I just dumped the patient with Dylan, gave him a quick handover before racing into HDC. I can remember running over to her, taking her tear stained face in my hands pulling her close to me. I cradled her for a long time before Tess pulled me off saying she needed to see to Dixie's wrist. I sat there holding her other hand, rubbing circles on the back of it as Tess did an initial examination. My heart sank as Dixie put her hand in her pocket and gave me her wedding ring, I honestly thought she wanted to end our marriage there and then, I didn't think I had been that bad, I can recall pleading with her not to end it, not to leave me, saying I was sorry for all of those things. I felt like a right prat when Tess said she had taken it off before her fingers had swollen up even more, I realised Dixie was only giving it to me for safe keeping. What a tit – but at least it brought a smile to her face.) **_

Jeff stayed with Dixie while her wrist was x rayed and plastered. He kept her close the whole time playing with her hair whilst planting soft kisses upon her forehead as she leaned into him.

'Are the Police here yet Tess?' Jeff asked as she had finished the cast.

'I am not sure, I will check if you want me to?'

'Yes please, I want them to arrest him for what he did; I want to press charges for assault.'

Tess nodded as she got up to leave, Jeff turned to his wife once more.

'I should never have left you with him Dixie, never. I am sorry babe for how I acted at the RTC, but I want you to know, I am so very proud of you, you kept calm, kept professional and got on with your job, you are a better person than me Dix, you really are.'

_**(She didn't answer me, she just leant in closer, I could tell she was hurting both physically and emotionally as all the memories of the last eight months came flooding back. She had come such a long way and now, in the space of a shift, he had taken her right back to where she was on our anniversary. I was angry with him, she was nothing but caring towards him at the RTC even after what he took from her, from us, she still treated him and he repays her by insulting her and breaking her hand. My hatred for the little shit intensified greatly at that point, I wanted him charged, I wanted him sent down for everything he had done, and I wanted to get my revenge.) **_

Slowly Dixie raised her head from Jeff's shoulder, turning to look at her husband, she brought her right hand up and traced over his features, she could tell from how he was sitting, how he had screwed up his face that he was angry. She knew he wouldn't approve of what she was about to do, but she wanted to do it, she needed to do it.

'Jeffrey?'

'Yes Princess.'

'I want to talk to him.' Dixie said her voice shaking with emotion.

'You cannot be serious Babe. Why on Earth do you want to see him?'

'I need to Jeff; I need to know why he is doing this to us, why he did what he did, why he took so much from us.'

'No Dix, I am not letting you anywhere near him, do you hear me?' Jeff responded raising his voice ever so slightly. He wasn't cross at her, he couldn't be, but he couldn't understand why she was asking to see him.

'I hear you Jeffrey, but I want to see him, please lover, I need to know.'

Jeff readjusted himself so he could look at his wife full on; taking her head in his hands once more he stared right into her deep blue eyes. _**(I could not believe what I was hearing, but I tell you one thing, she can be a stubborn cow when she wants to be, I think that is why I love her so much. Even to this very day I don't really understand why she wanted to do it, why she even suggested it, only she knew that, but I was determined to protect her.)**_

'You listen to me Mrs Collier, you are not going anywhere near him, do you understand?'


	27. Chapter 27

_**A / N – Thank you for all the kind reviews so far, it is greatly appreciated and I am so pleased you are reading and enjoying this story even though it is quite sad in places. **_

'I need to Jeff, please.' Dixie replied, she could understand why Jeff didn't want her going anywhere near Karl, but she wanted to know why he had done what he had, she wanted to get some closure for her own sake more than anyone else's.

'I have said no Dixie and that is final.' Jeff replied sternly moving his hands away from her head getting up to lean against the wall. 'After everything he has done, I wouldn't even give him the time of day, why do you want to put yourself through that again Dix?'

'I need to, I can't explain it, but it is just something I need to do and you need to trust me.'

'I do trust you babe, you know that, it is him I don't trust.'

Before Dixie could respond, Tess and Zoe had arrived back to speak to them, immediately they sensed that something wasn't quite right with the couple as they were not sat together. Tess and Zoe never really understood the relationship Jeff and Dixie had, but recently they had seen it evolve into something else, the couple were inseparable, but the whole Karl situation had somehow started to get between them.

'Dixie, the Police are on their way to speak with Karl about the RTC, we also advised them about the fact that he assaulted you today.' Zoe began

'Yeah as well as eight months ago.' Jeff added causing Dixie to glare at him.

'They are aware of that Jeff and he will be arrested. They are going to put him under police guard here in the hospital before they remove him to a cell.' Tess responded as she moved to hand Dixie some more pain relief which she gratefully took.

'You were incredibly brave today Dixie, a lot of other people would not have entertained the idea of what you did. You should be proud of your wife Jeff, you really should.' Zoe said as she turned to leave HDC earning a nod and smile from Jeff.

'Tess.'

'Yep.'

'Can I see Karl?'

'Dix, I have told you no already.' Jeff butted in as he moved in closer. 'Tess she is not seeing him, I won't allow it. I don't care what my wife says; I will not allow that to happen.'

'Dixie Jeff is right, it would not be a good idea, he is still being abusive and after what he has done, it would be a stupid idea.'

'Please, I need to do it, I need to know.'

'Kathleen Collier for the final time NO.' Jeff shouted at his wife which made both Tess and Dixie jump.

'Jeff I do not expect you to understand why, but please trust me when I say I need to do this.' Dixie spoke softly and calmly getting up and walking over to him. 'I am going to go and speak with him before the police arrive and there is nothing you can do to stop me.' Her voice was insistent, it was clear to everyone in the room that Dixie was determined to do this.

_**(I knew I was beat, she knew just how to get her way, I am always being told at work that I am under the thumb, I like it that way. I didn't understand why she wanted to speak with him, but it was important to her. Looking back, it was hitting me clean in the face, she needed some form of closure, and she wanted to hear from him why he did what he did, why he took what he did. I didn't want her getting hurt again, physically or emotionally. I guess I was being selfish really; I didn't want her to hear something that would send her back even further. I didn't want to lose what we now had; it meant so much to me.)**_

Jeff sighed and nodded his head, 'But I am coming with you.'

'No, you can wait outside, I need to do this alone Jeff please.'

The walk to Resus was short although it felt like the march to the gallows for the couple, Jeff didn't know what Karl would say nor was he sure how Dixie would react to what he said, and all he knew was that she was a strong woman. As they got to the door they could see Karl sitting up staring at the pair of them, Dixie turned to face Jeff who was already shooting daggers at him.

'Thank you Handsome.' She said as she moved in closer placing her lips onto his. Other members of the ED looked on as the two shared a kiss before Dixie opened the doors and walked in. _**(I felt helpless again stood outside watching Dixie approach the scumbag to talk to him. I could tell by his reactions that he was being nasty to her, he was saying nasty things. I stood there watching the pair of them intently as they had their talk, I watched Karl smile sadistically as he spoke, I also saw him get angry and vicious towards her. She didn't flinch, she didn't react, I had to use so much will power to stay where I was, I promised her I wouldn't come in and make things worse, but I so desperately wanted to hold her especially when I saw her face drop, when I saw her look to the ground when it was so obvious she was fighting back the tears. I said earlier I wondered how much more she would take before she broke; I think this was the last straw for her.) **_

'What do you want?' Karl asked spitefully as Dixie walked in and sat on the stool a little way from his bed.

'To talk to you.'

'What makes you think I want to talk to a filthy Lezza like you?'

'I don't know, I don't even know why I want to talk to you, but I do.'

'You think they believe that do you? That fake kiss out there, who are you trying to kid?'

'No one Karl, I am not kidding anyone.'

'A Lezza kissing a man, disgusting.'

'A wife kissing her husband, that's what it was Karl, nothing else.'

Karl kissed his teeth at her before he returned his gaze to Jeff who had his eyes fixed on him the whole time. He was happy that Jeff was being torn apart, he had started to succeed.

'Karl why did you do it?' Dixie eventually asked trying to keep her voice strong.

'He deserved it.'

'Who? Jeff? What did he do?'

'Don't you remember Lezza? Do you remember the conversation we had in your house, don't you remember the fact that he promised me everything would be OK, he said I could be someone and get a good job, he lied, he is nothing but a liar.'

'No he isn't, he wasn't to know that your record would be used against you Karl, Jeff isn't to blame for that.'

'He took everything from me, my family, my rep, my mates, my future.'

'So all of this is about revenge then?'

'He needs to suffer, he needs to see what it is like to have something you want taken away from you. He needs to see how it feels to be rejected. Do you have any idea how bloody hard I worked to get into college, make something of myself, Polly believed in me, she helped me, HE LET ME DOWN.'

'Is that why you raped me then?' Dixie still refused to accept that all of this was down to Karl not getting on the Paramedics course, but, she was slowly starting to realise that it was.

'It disgusts me to think that he is married to a Lezza, he obviously doesn't care about you, so why should it matter that you were raped, it wouldn't matter to him as he had no chance of ever sleeping with you. I got there first and you were crap and you both will have to live with that.'

'You didn't get their first though did you? You knew I had slept with Jeff, he told you that when he told you he was the father.' Dixie was starting to struggle to maintain her composure, Karl sensed this and decided to play on that a little while longer.

'Forgot to ask, how rude of me, how are the babies?'

'Don't Karl, just don't.' Dixie responded clearly fighting with her emotions as she thought back to what had happened.

'Oh, touched a nerve have I?'

'They were innocent in all of this Karl, they had done nothing wrong. What you caused was criminal, you had no right to do what you did to them, they were not to blame for any of this and you know it.'

'But he had. He needs to suffer.' Karl spat back looking and gesturing his head towards Jeff who practically looked like he had steam coming from his ears.

'Don't you think he is? He has had to deal with me being raped, you attacking me, having to choose between me or the twins while I was in surgery, had to deal with so much. I think he has suffered Karl, but I will tell you what makes him better than you. He deals with it, he knows he is loved and cared for, he hasn't gone round beating people up, taking things from them, no, he is mature and I am proud to call myself Mrs Jeffrey Collier.'

'Nah, you are nothing but a worthless filthy Lezza. Yeah so I am going to Prison, but you know what, I did something right, I took from him something that meant the world to him, now he knows what it is going to feel like.'

'You see that's where you are wrong, yes you raped me, but I know that Jeff loves me now more than ever before, he does want me and I want him. You see Karl we love each other deeply, we care for each other deeply, yeah you raped me along with your mates, yeah you attacked me in my home, but, I will always have Jeff no matter what.'

'Yeah, but I took something from the pair of you, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your lives.'

'No Karl, you will have to live with that, not us.'

The door to Resus flew open as in walked the two detectives followed by two policemen and Jeff.

'Mrs Collier, we need to ask you to step away and go with your husband please.'

'Hang on a sec.' Dixie moved in closer to Karl as she spoke, 'I saved your life today, after everything you have done to me, after everything you took from me, I saved your life.

'You may have saved my life, but you couldn't save your….'

'Mrs Collier, step away please.' The voice came again cutting Karl off mid sentence, however Dixie knew how the sentence would have finished and so did he. It didn't need to be said, it had the desired impact.

Dixie froze to the spot, she could feel the emotion rising deep from within her, 'Goodbye Karl, I will see you in court.' Turning on her heel she walked to the back of Resus to stand next to Jeff.

'Karl Fontayne, I am arresting you for the rape and attack on Mrs Kathleen Collier, I am also arresting you for causing death by dangerous driving this morning. You do not have to say anything although anything you say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?'

Karl nodded before smiling at the Colliers, 'You haven't heard the last of me.'

_**(I nearly launched at the little shit there and then but Dixie stopped me, she had the closure she wanted, Karl had been arrested, she practically dragged me out of Resus. It all finally got too much for her, the anger, the emotion; everything she had been bottling up came out there and then. She collapsed on the ground in my arms being violently sick all over me and the floor shaking uncontrollably before she lost consciousness). **_


	28. Chapter 28

'Hey you.' Jeff said softly stroking her hair as Dixie slowly woke up.

'Hey.' She replied her voice croaky. 'What happened?'

'You passed out after Karl was arrested, so I brought you in here to sleep it off.'

_**(I was bloody scared again, I had lost count of the amount of times she had frightened me over the last eight months, I swear I had even less hair than I did **__**and**__** that it was turning grey quicker. I watched her with Karl, I heard the police arrest him for what he had done to her, everything happened in such a short space of time, she had broken down, it all had hit her at once. **_

_**She came out of Resus, was sick everywhere and collapsed passing out on the floor. I caught her just in time falling to the ground with her in my arms as others looked on. Fletch was the first one who came over to help us, he helped my pick her up and carry her into HDC again. She had been asleep for over an hour, I knew she needed it, she had just had everything thrown at her, I guess it was her bodies way of reacting, to shut down and let her sleep. I sat their stroking her head and hair hoping she would wake up, but scared at the same time, scared of what she was going to say to me, what she was going to do. I knew her going into see Karl was a bad idea, but she wanted to. **_

_**I sat there myself thinking about everything that had happened, reliving every argument, every tragedy, every moment of the last eight months, thank God this year was nearly over, all I wanted was for next year to be better, for us to move on. It was going to be hard, I knew that especially as the twins real due date was coming up along with our anniversary, I sat there looking down at Dixie, she was so peaceful, but how long would that last? Was I ready to move on? Could I move on?) **_

'They arrested him; they have finally got him Jeff.'

'Yeah Babe, they have indeed. You are safe now.' He replied pulling her in for a hug.

'He said some horrible things to me Jeff.'

'I know babe, I can well imagine, but he had been arrested now, we need to start to try and move on.' _**(I said this just as much for my own benefit as well as for her's. I think if I said it out loud, I might have been able to convince myself that we could move on, well, that I could move on.)**_

'How can we Jeff? I will have to go to court and testify, listen to them repeat every vile thing he did to me, have to listen to him lie about things, I will have to sit there in front of a load of strangers and answer questions about the rapes, about the attacks, about the twins, Jeff I can't do that.'

'Yes you can babe, you are stronger than that. I will be there with you every step of the way, holding your hand, supporting you in whatever way I can, you know that don't you?'

'I know Jeffrey, I really do.' Dixie whispered, her voice shaking once again with tears.

Jeff decided it was time to change the subject before she cried again; he didn't want that, he wanted to see her smile and laugh, not cry and shout. 'Listen, I think we should go home, order a takeaway and have an early night, we can talk about things in the morning, the Police will be coming to see you anyway to talk about the court case and what will happen next.'

Dixie nodded as she slowly got up and off the bed holding onto Jeff's arm as he led them out of the ED, back to the Ambulance station before heading home.

_**(For the first time in eight months, the pair of us slept solidly through the night, I don't remember waking up at all and neither did Dixie. It was a significant change for us both, she would usually have nightmares and would jolt the bed every time she moved waking me up, but she didn't that night. Maybe she had the closure she needed, maybe we could move on. I had been forewarned by the Police that they would want to talk about the case with Dixie again and give us a court date. It was going to be another tough morning, but it got off to a very positive start). **_

Jeff stirred from his sleep turning over to snuggle into Dixie, but she wasn't there. He slowly opened his eyes and patted her side of the bed, he felt her pyjamas folded up by her pillows but no wife to be found. As he sat up he looked towards their bathroom, nope, she wasn't in there either.

'Where the hell is she?' he thought to himself as he swung his legs round and got up.

'What are you doing out of bed Jeffrey?' Dixie said as she came into their room holding a tray with two cups of tea and breakfast on it. 'Get back in that bed now Mr Collier.'

'Best offer I have had so far this morning.' Jeff replied before doing as she was told sitting upright and signalling he was ready for his breakfast.

Dixie perched the tray on his legs before she sat down on the end of his side of the bed taking her tea and breakfast off the tray.

'What have I done to deserve this kind of treatment Mrs Collier?' Jeff asked while munching on his toast.

'Just wanted to do this to say thank you.'

'What have you got to thank me for?'

'Sticking by me, putting up with my moods, my tantrums, my crying, everything.'

'You don't need to thank me Dix, but thank you all the same.'

'You are welcome Mr Collier.' Dixie replied taking a sip from her mug staring intently at Jeff as he continued to wade his way through the breakfast she had prepared for him. She couldn't hide the fact that the court case was preying on her mind, even though she felt she had some form of closure, she knew it wouldn't be complete without the verdict and sentencing.

'Jeff?'

'Ummm.'

'When do you think the case will be?'

'I don't know Princess, hopefully it will be after Christmas.'

'Do you think he will be sentenced?'

'I don't think even he can talk his way out of this one Dix.'

'No guess not.' She said again taking another sip. 'We need to start moving on don't we?'

'Are you ready to?'

'I think I am Jeff, he told me why he had done it, I cannot say that I understand it Jeff, but, maybe he will get some help when he is in Prison, but, just hearing him being arrested made me feel like a weight had been lifted from me, you know, like that part of my life has been closed.'

'You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you to say that Dixie, come here.' Jeff opened his arms after moving the tray out of the way as Dixie fell into them.

'I am so proud of you Kathleen Collier, so very proud. You were by far the better person yesterday, I don't know how you held it together, but you did, if you want to move on I can think of a perfect way to start that moving on.'

Jeff smirked as he pulled Dixie over so she was lying on her back, Jeff moved next to her placing soft kisses on her cheek before turning to tickle her laughing as she squirmed and squealed on the bed.

'Enough Jeffrey, come on, they will be here soon.'

Jeff stopped tickling her before he gazed into her face.

'What you staring at Jeff?'

'You.'

'Why?'

'I have not seen you smile or laugh like that for so long Dix, it has made me a very happy husband.'

'Oh, give over you, now come on, help me up and get yourself dressed.'

_**(It was true though, I am so very proud of her, I had waited for a long time for her to say it was time to move on, we needed to, although there was still a part of me that couldn't, I still felt to blame for all of this. I vowed to myself I would try and move on for hr sake, but I was still beating myself up about it inside. **_

_**The police came, told us Karl was being charged and what he was being charged with, we were told that Dixie would have to testify and so would I. It was going to be a long case and they had picked the worst day possible – January 18**__**th**__**, the twins due date. Dixie said maybe it was meant to be, I wasn't so sure. I was worried that she would be an easy target for Karl's legal team as she would be emotional, but I had to pray she would be fine. **_

_**It was going to be a long wait till court, we still had Christmas to go, but, I couldn't forgive myself for what had happened to her, to the twins, everything. I decided for her sake, to help her move on, I wouldn't tell her how I was really feeling, that I couldn't quite let go of the guilt that I couldn't move on. I wish I had of done though.)**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**A/N- So this chapter jumps on in time from the last one. Chapter 28 was set in November but I couldn't think of a way to deal with Christmas without making it too samey or too boring. So I have skipped to January and the court case. I may flashback to Christmas though during the trial. Enjoy. **_

'Wake up Jeffrey we need to get ready.'

'Just five more minutes.'

'No bloody way Collier I know what you are like. Now shift that gorgeous butt of yours.' Dixie instructed lightly slapping Jeff on the backside as she moved off the bed and out the door.

'You are such a cruel woman Mrs Collier.' Jeff replied rubbing his bottom before getting up.

_**(Like Dixie, I didn't want the day to start either. We had had an emotional night talking about what could happen and the questions we could be asked. I cradled her in my arms as she cried telling me she didn't think he would get found guilty and the fact that she would have to relive the whole attack. She still thought she wasn't strong enough for that. I promised her I would hold her tight and be there for her every step of the way. We both cried for the twins though - they were innocent in all this. We sat there thinking about them, it was their due date and the court case. How were we going to cope? She woke me up as usual that morning making it clear that she did not want to talk about things and I couldn't blame her. The next few days were going to be tough enough and would test our relationship to the limits.)**_

Jeff walked into the kitchen taking his place at the table where Dixie had put his breakfast. He watched her move aroumd the kitchen purposefully.

'You look gorgeous Dix.'

'Thank you. You are looking handsome as well.'

'This bloody tie is going to annoy me though.' Jeff replied fidgetting once more with his collar.

'Come here.' Dixie instructed her husband as she re did his tie and straightened his collar for him.

They left the house a little while later driving to the county court. They both stood outside looking up at the building feeling even more nervous than before. They met with their solicitor to go over the formalities before they were left to sit and wait.

Dixie kept her hand locked firmly in Jeff's as she watched various people come and go. Jeff sensed that she was nervous and so placed a light kiss on her forehead.

'It will be OK baby.'

'Will it Jeff? Will it really be OK?' Dixie asked nervously.

'Trust me baby, have I ever lied to you before?'

'I am just scared Jeff really scared.'

Jeff was about to reassure her some more but didn't get the chance as they were called into the courtroom. _**( It was really intimidating walking into court having people stare at you as you took your seat. We saw Karl sat with his legal team, I tried to get inbetween him and Dixie but I was not quick enough, she had seen him. I felt her shake but I was determined to protect her. I held onto her as we sat down giving her hand a squeeze before it all started. I knew by the end of the day why I should have told her I was having trouble moving on. If I had I would not have fallen apart and screwed up on the stand. Court wasn't the best place to be unsure of yourself or your feelings.) **_

'All rise. Court is now in session as we hear the case of Collier versus Fontayne. Please now be seated.'

'Mr Fontayne you have been charged with organising a gang rape of Mrs Kathleen Collier along with two counts of rape again of Mrs Kathleen Collier. You have also been charged with breaking and entering the home of Mr and Mrs Jeffrey Collier and causing actual bodily harm to Mrs Kathleen Collier. How do you plead to these charges?'

'Not guilty.'

'He cannot be serious?' Jeff whispered in Dixies ear as she looked down to the floor biting her lip.

'Counsel you may begin.'

'Thank you Your Honour. I would like to start by calling Mr Jeffrey Collier to the stand.'

Jeff stood up giving Dixie a pat on the leg as he moved to the stand placing his hand on the bible as he was sworn in. He did not take his eyes off Karl the whole time. _**(I wanted to launch across the court and punch his lights out for pleading not guilty but I would only get into trouble with the courts but more importantly with Dixie. Being held in contempt of court would have been childs play compared to any bollocking from her.) **_

'Mr Collier could you tell us how you came to know Mr Fontayne?'

'Um yeah. It was a couple of years ago. My wife and I got a shout to the estate, a lad had been beaten up. When we got there Karl was loitering with his mates. Turns out he had been tormenting the lad and his father Joe. He had made their lives hell, even fed the dad dog foeses. Didn't see him after that until after one of our colleagues was killed. He came looking for her, I told him about her and then took him under my wing to help him out. After that I did not see him again until this all kicked off.'

'Thank you Mr Collier. Now can you tell us what happened on March 27th?'

'Its our anniversary. We went off to work together when we got a shout to Miers Lane Woods. I thought it was a hoax but Dixie thought she saw something. We went to have a look and that was when she screamed. I turned to see her being dragged away from me. I couldn't go after her. I was hit a few times by something and knocked out.

'Can I ask the jury to look at exhibit JC 1. This is a copy of Mr Colliers x ray and Doctors report on the injuries he sustained. Mr Collier what happened when you found your wife?'

'I found her sat half naked in the woods. I know I shouldnt have treated her, you are not meant to treat next of kin but I was on my own so had no choice.' _**(I shuddered as I recounted how I found my precious Dixie. I told them how I found her, the injuries I saw along with how I tried to calm her down in the ED. I had to fight back my own tears again as I recounted the attack in our home and the decison I had to make. I was in the dock for 45 minutes being quizzed by our solicitor but it was nothing compared to what Karls legal team had planned for me.) **_

_**'**_Thank you Mr Collier.' Their solictor turned to the judge 'No further questions.'

'Very well. Mr Collier you will now be questioned by Mr Fontayne's solicitor. May I remind you that you are still under oath and must reply to all questions put to you.'

Jeff nodded as he watched the solicitor stand. Jeff took a deep breath he knew this was going to be tough.

'Mr Collier I would like you to think back to your first encounter with my client. Are you certain about what happened between you?'

'Yes.'

'You see Mr Collier you appear to have left out an incident between you and my client involving a can of petrol along with a cigarette lighter.'

'Aye?'

'Mr Collier you attacked my client and threatened to set him on fire did you not?'

'No. He was trying to torch Joe's flat.'

'But you did intervene?'

'Yeah I tried to stop him.'

'Did you tell your wife what you did Mr Collier?'

Jeff looked over at Dixie who was sat staring at him. He could see disappointment and anger written clearly over her face. Looking down at the floor, Jeff shook his head.

'Mr Collier is it fair to say that your actions towards my client on that day were the catalyst for the situation we currently find ourselves in?'

'Are you saying this is all my fault?' Jeff asked.

'Yes I am Mr Collier and I think it is time you explained yoyrself.'

_**(Shit. This really was my fault. I had to now explain everything to the court. All throughout I felt like I saw another piece of my Dixie fade away. However, this was only the beginning - worst was still to come.)**_


	30. Chapter 30

Jeff continued to sit and stare totally dumbfounded by what he was hearing. He took a moment to glance around the court, Dixie was looking down at the ground whereas Karl was smiling at him. Jeff turned again to look at his wife he had to answer their questions but he wanted so desparately to talk to Dixie. _**(All I wanted was to take her by the hand and drag her out of the court. I wanted to sit her down and tell her everything. My heart was being torn apart, I was tearing her apart. Why didn't I just tell her. If only I had been honest, maybe it would not have hit her so hard when she heard it in court. I knew deep down that I was to blame for this whole thing - the cross examination proved it. )**_

'Mr Collier after you attacked my client with a ligther and a petrol can. You did see him again didn't you?'

'Yes like I said after Pol died.'

'No Mr Collier. You saw my client before that. In fact you saw him three times in total before the death of Miss Emmerson didn't you?'

'I do not know what you are talking about.'

'Mr Collier you are still under oath.' The Judge intervened.

Jeff let out a sigh before he looked up once more making eye contact with Dixie. _**(She was crying. I saw tears streaming down her cheeks. Her make up was running. Our Solicitor had her arm around her trying to comfort her when it should have been me. I should have been there for her but I wasn't. I was having trouble moving on and this was the reason why. I had to be the man, I had to tell the truth which meant accepting the consequences with the solicitor and more importantly Dixie.) **_

'Yeah I saw him.' Jeff responded in a defeated way. 'I went to the estate a few days later to check on Joe. I bumped into Karl on the stairs. He told me I had wrecked his life. He told me I had taken his mates away from him that I had wrecked everything. I said he had done that and not me. He said something about me paying for what I had done before he walked off. I didn't pay too much attention to what he had said. I just carried on.'

'Tell us about the other two occasions Mr Collier.'

'I saw him when I was out walking our dog. That was all.'

'If my client tells me correctly you threatened him. You told him that you would finish the job with the petrol can.'

'What? You have taken that completely out of context. He came along threatening me saying he would make me pay. He said he would get to me through my wife. He said he would attack Dixie. I couldnt let him do that. I merely reminded him if what happened last time he sprouted off a load of threats. I reacted to what he said, I let him rile me.'

'But you did threaten him'

'Not like you have said. I told him to stay away, leave us alone. I did not threaten to set fire to him. It did not happen like you are saying. You are twisting everything to get him off the hook.' Jeff retorted, his face getting redder by the second, anger and frustration clearly showing.

Karls lawyer smiled before adding 'No further questions.'

Jeffs solicitor then stood up, 'Mr Collier why didnt you tell your wife about the threats?'

'I didnt want to worry her. It is my job to protect her, to keep her safe. I didnt think he would do anything. I know I should have told her, maybe that is why I am feeling so guilty.' Jeff looked down at the floor.

_**(I remember being ushered out of the dock and back to my seat next to Dixie. I took her hand to rub it although I could feel our solicitors eyes boaring into the side of my head. I didn't care though, I just wanted to explain myself to Dixie. I sat there for the rest of the afternoon with tears in my eyes but I didn't let go of her hand. We heard all the evidence against Karl from the police. We saw pictures of Dixie's injuries. When they adjourned until the morning I was releaved but scared. Dixie was due on the stand and I knew she would need me. I was full of hatred and anger against myself for everything. How was I going to live with myself?) **_

The drive back home was quiet neither knew what to say to each other. The silence continued indoors as Dixie went into the Kitchen to make a drink along with their dinner. Jeff followed her watching her for a moment before he approached her from behind snaking his arms around her waist resting his head on her shoulder.

'I am so sorry babe.'

'You should have told me Jeff.'

'I didn't think...'

Dixie span around in his arms so she was looking directly into his eyes. 'You never bloody think Jeffrey thats your problem. You do stupid things without thinking and look where it gets you. Where it gets us.'

'Dix I feel really bad.'

Dixie sighed before resting her head onto his shoulders ' Karl was all mouth and no trousers Jeff. He was full of threats he didnt follow through.'

'But he did this time Dix and I could have prevented it. I could have stopped you being raped, I could have stopped you being attacked, maybe if I had of done the twins...'

Dixie placed her fingers over his lips forcing him to stop. 'Jeff you must stop blaming yourself. When we saw Karl after Pol died he appeared to have turned a corner. No one could have seen this coming baby, no one.'

_**(I knew she was right. She always was. I was expecting a real telling off, for us to be screaming at each other. I wanted her to be angry with me I wanted her to shout at me. However, I realised then that she truly loves me. She knew I was beating myself up about it on the inside therefore she gave me the comfort and rationalisation I needed. God I love this woman so very much.)**_

The evening passed quietlyfor the pair as they had dinner, watched some TV before heading to bed. _**(We do most of our talking in our bed. Don't ask me why we just do.) **_Jeff lay on his back while Dixie laid on his chest allowing Jeff to play with her hair as they lay there.

'Dix? Are you OK about tomorrow?'

'I dont know. I dont know what they are going to ask me. I dont know what I will say. I am scared Jeff.'

'I know babe. All you can do us be brave and tell it how it happened.'

'I dont think I can be brave Jeff. I know I will crack. I am scared I will go to pieces and really screw this up.'

Jeff put his arms around her cradling her tightly. 'I believe in you Dixie. I really do.' Jeff responded kissing the top of her head.

'I know you do but I am not so sure.'

_**(Dixie us always the strong one in our relationship now I had to be the strong one for her. The next day was going to be so very hard. Like I said, things were going to get worse before they got better. I lent down pulling her face up so that our lips touched. We kissed tenderly before falling asleep in each others arms. She was really going to need me, a lot more than I thought. But, I made myself a promise to be there for her no matter what and to never keep anything from her again.) **_

**A/N - Sorry for the fluffy chapter. Had a really hard and emotional week so my mind is a little distracted. Sorry for any typing errors as well. Thanks for reading. **


	31. Chapter 31

_**A/N - Once again sorry about the fluffy chapter 30. I hope this makes up for it in some way. Thanks for all your reviews they were all kind in light of a god awlful week. x**_

'Mrs Collier, I know this is going to be very hard for you but I would like you to tell the court what happened to you starting with March 27th.' Dixie's Solicitor asked in a gentle manner aware of the emotional stress this would cause her client.

Dixie took a deep breath before she sat up straight giving the illusion of confidence when deep down she was already hurting. 'That is our wedding anniversary. I remember waking up and walking into the hallway where Jeff was stood holding a card and present. He bought me a lovely card, very sentimental and a charm bracelet.' Dixie fiddled with the Pandora charm bracelet aroumd her wrist before she continued. 'I was so shocked by this, I kinda melted into his arms when we, well I think you can guess.'

'What about when you went to work Mrs Collier. Talk us through the shift.'

'It started off quietly, a few hoax calls and an RTC. Then we got a call to Miers Lane Woods an elderly man had collapsed. Jeff and I attended the scene, I had a strange feeling about it but pushed that to the back of my mind. Next thing I know I am being held by two people being dragged backwards into the woods. I was really scared. I heard Jeff calling after me then he went silent. I didn't know what they had done to him and I didnt know what they were going to do to me.'

Dixie took a deep breath before she continued, again attempting to keep up the confident composure she had maintained so far.

'They threw me down onto the ground before pulling off my boots, belt, trousers and underwear. They held me down and raped me. Each of them raped me and they wouldn't stop. I wanted them to stop. I wanted Jeff but he wasn't there. They all left, I thought it was over but he came back. He held me down and raped me again telling me I was worthless, I was a disgusting lezza who needed teaching a lesson. He shouted in my face as he raped me that Jeff needed to pay, that he wouldnt want me now.' Dixie stopped talking as tears formed in her eyes. The harder she fought them back the freely they fell.

_**(I sat there helpless to do anything. I couldn't go over and hold her but I wasn't allowed to. It was hard for me to sit there and listen to what she was saying but I knew she had to say it. I was so proud of her, she was maintaining her composure but for how much longer - I could not say. I just hoped she wasn't going to suffer too much with the cross examination. He was brutal with me yesterday, I knew he was not going to be soft on her. He was going to play on her emotions and use it to his advantage.) **_

'Mrs Collier I know this has been very hard for you to talk about but I need you to tell the court what happened next.'

Dixie raised a small smile at her solicitor before she continued:

'I found out I was pregnant. We thought it was conceived through rape but we later found out I was expecting twins and they were Jeffs. Next time I saw Karl was on my birthday, he broke into our home and attacked me again. He hospitalised me that time. It is hard for me to talk about what happened but he attacked me. When I saw him in the RTC I wanted to leave him, but I didn't, I treated him and helped him.'

Dixie's solicitor smiled before she gave the court a summary. As she sat down next to Jeff, Karl's solicitor stood up, fastened the button on his jacket and walked towards Dixie.

'Mrs Collier, you have been married to Mr Collier for nearly four years is that correct?'

'Yes.'

'But the 27th March last year was the first time you and Mr Collier had sexual intercourse wasn't it?'

'What has that got to do with anything?'

'Just answer my question Mrs Collier.'

Dixie nodded prompting another response from Karl's legal team. 'And why was that Mrs Collier? Why was that? Does it have something to do with you being a lesbian?'

'Yeah it does. When I married Jeff it wasn't for love. It was a marriage of convienance nothing more but I will tell something I love that man more than anything. I share everything with him. Yeah so I was a lesbian, he changed me and I am glad he did.' Dixie responded anger becoming more evident with every word. This anger intensified as the solicitor laughed.

'Mrs Collier do you expect us to believe that after 30 odd years of being a lesbian one man changed you just like that?' He said as he snapped his fingers to emphasise the point.

'Objection this line of questionning bears no relevance to the case. What does it matter if my client was a lesbian, it has no bearing on the rape or attack.' Dixie's solicitor jumped in saving Dixie from more questions about her sexuality much to both her's and Jeffs relief.

'I am sorry . Now you said you were raped by three men, allegedly by my client twice.'

'They found his DNA on me, how can it be allegeded?'

'You said in your statement that you didn't recognise any of the men, how could you be sure it was my client?'

'They found his DNA on me. He told me I was a digusting Lezza. He told me that Jeff wouldn't want me now that he had shafted me first. How can you say it wasn't him, he admitted it when I saw him in Resus.'

'Your word against his Mrs Collier.'

'What? He said it. He said it. This is a joke. I bet now you are going to tell me that he didn't attack me in my home that he didn't cause the early delievery of my kids.' Dixie was breaking apart, her emotions were running high, Karl's solicitor had her just where he wanted her to deliever his final blow.

'No Mrs Collier, you caused the early delievery of your children not my client'

'What? He hit me with the bloody chopping board.'

'Thats as maybe but it was down to you that the complications occured isn't it? You tried to do too much too soon Mrs. Collier, my client is not responsible for that.'

'HE KILLED MY SONS' Dixie shouted back as tears streamed down her face.

'No he did not - you did.'

_**(I really could not believe what I was hearing**_. _**Did he really just say that? A vulnerable and emotional woman was sat in the dock and he was blaming her for what happened. He was determined to get Karl off the hook even if it meant blaming us. But I couldnt take it, I could not sit back and let him continue to do that to her. I stood up for my wife, the woman I love needed protecting. But, as with everything actions have consequences.) **_

'OI STOP IT NOW. THAT SCUMBAG KILLED OUR CHILDREN NOT DIXIE.' Jeff stood up and roared at the solicitor ignoring his own one trying to pull him down.

'SHE DID NOTHING BLOODY NOTHING. HOW DARE YOU PUT THE BLAME AT HER DOOR. YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THE LITTLE SHIT YOU ARE REPRESENTING.'

' I will hold you in contempt of court. How dare you speak like that. Remove him now.'

The judge was cross, all Dixie could do was watch her husband being led out of the court in hamdcuffs. She would have to face the rest of the questions on her own not knowing when she will see Jeff again. '

'Right Mrs Collier, shall we continue without anymore interruptions.'


	32. Chapter 32

**A / N – So very sorry for the length of time it has taken me to update this fic. I hope you like it – this is mostly from Jeff's POV following on from the last chapter, so, his current thoughts are in bold and italics. **

_**I can just remember sitting there in a holding room, I had been an idiot and I knew it. I couldn't help but feel that I had let her down again, she was there facing an interrogation without me to support her. I could have smacked that solicitor one, I really could have, but if I had of done, I would have been in even more trouble than I was currently in. I couldn't see how this was Dixie's fault; I really struggled with this and still do now. How anyone could blame an innocent and vulnerable woman for the death of her sons, I will never know. **_

_**Don't get me wrong, we knew that the day was going to be tough; we knew that the twins would be brought up, but had no idea just how cruel someone could be. I replayed the questioning of Dix over and over again in my mind; she had been incredibly brave all morning while she spoke to the court with our solicitor asking the questions, I was really proud of her. I sat there watching her as she spoke, I watched her fiddle with her bracelet and her wedding ring, I wanted to let the court know that she was my wife and I was deeply in love with her, but, court isn't a time for sentiment, I would just have to tell her later. Well, that was still assuming I got the chance. I thought about how I would make it up to her, chocolates, flowers, cook dinner, amongst other things, but none of them matter at the moment, I wanted to be with her.**_

_**Time dragged for me, I seemed to be waiting for an eternity. I paced the small room several times thinking about what Dixie was going through, thinking about how she was coping with the questions, but I tell you one thing, my hatred for Karl and his solicitor intensified with every moment. How dare they pin all of this onto her. How dare they question our sex life in public, let alone Dixie's sudden change in sexuality? I thought of all the ways I could get my own back on them, unfortunately each one would end in me getting the bollocking. **_

_**I was relieved when the door opened to reveal our Solicitor; I can still remember the death stare I got from her, although that didn't bother me. I remember looking around her to see if Dix was there; my heart sank when she wasn't. **_

'Mr Collier that was a really stupid thing to have done back there. She really needed you in court and you had to go and get put in contempt.'

Jeff hung his head in shame as their solicitor continued to speak.

'The Judge is far from impressed by your outburst, but, will let you off given the circumstances and will accept you apologising to Mr Fontayne's legal team and paying a fine.'

'You cannot seriously expect me to…' Jeff was cut off as the solicitor raised her hand once more.

'Yes I am, Kathleen needs you Jeff, she really does. '

'Where is she?'

'Currently paying your fine.' The solicitor snapped back.

'She is doing what?'

'You heard me Jeff, she wants you so badly right now that as soon as court was adjourned and the judge gave his decision on you, she went straight to the office and paid the fine. Now all you have to do is be the man and apologise.'

_**Dixie is all heart you see. I know she pretends to be this person that you shouldn't mess with, but her token of paying the fine that I earned just so she could see me again really touched me and made me see how lucky I was to have her. She was prepared to do anything, and, as much as I didn't want to, I agreed to speak to the other solicitor to say sorry. I didn't mean it, still don't, but if it meant I could hold Dixie, then I would do it. Needless to say, he wasn't going to make it easy for me, he smirked the whole way through me apologising for being rude looking down on me as if I was worthless. It did dent my pride, but the reward was worth it. **_

Jeff was lead out of the small holding room after apologising to the solicitor promising to contain himself in the future.

'Well, he didn't make that one easy did he?'

'No, but then again, he is known for his lack of bedside manner, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.' Their solicitor returned as she led him down the corridor towards Dixie.

'How is she?' Jeff asked as they stopped just outside the door.

'I've got to be honest with you, she is distraught. The cross examination was harsh and evasive by all counts. She tried her hardest, she really did and you would have been proud of her. But, right now, it isn't looking too good for us as he was very convincing in placing the blame solely on her and yourself for everything. I am going to go and work on the evidence and questioning of Karl as he is up tomorrow, but, right now, you need to be with her, so I will see you tomorrow morning.' She patted Jeff on the shoulder as she walked away.

_**She said it didn't look good for us, that sent a lightning bolt of fear through me. If Karl got off scot free for this, he could come after her again, I didn't want her in any danger. I wasn't sure what Dixie was going to greet me as I opened the door, I didn't know if I would see crying Dixie, sad Dixie, quietly seething Dixie or shouting Dixie. Whichever Dixie I got, I didn't care as long as I got her. **_

Jeff slowly turned the handle opening the door where he saw Dixie stood facing the window, her back facing him. Jeff quickly closed the door and hurried over to her, standing slightly to her side whilst placing both hands on the tops of her arms. Dixie half turned her face so she could see him before bringing her head over to touch his. They stood there for a few minutes enjoying each others company along with the peace.

After a few more moments, Jeff leant over to kiss her cheek before he spoke,

'I am sorry Dix, I didn't mean to behave like that, I just couldn't stand how he was talking to you.'

'Its fine Jeff, you are here now and that is all that matters.'

'Are you OK?'

Dixie nodded, 'Yeah, I'm fine handsome, just want to go home now.'

'OK Princess, whatever you want.' Jeff moved his arms so he locked his hand in hers guiding them both back out of the room.

The walk back to the car was relatively short and uneventful, once they were both inside, Jeff turned to face Dixie once more, 'What happened in there babe?'

'Sweetheart, I don't really want to talk about it just yet, can we just go home, I will tell you once I have had a bath.'

_**I didn't know if this was a good or a bad thing, at least she wasn't sobbing, but she seemed like she was suffering from some sort of shock. I drove us home, got her indoors and watched on as she went up to have a bath. I felt helpless, something was really eating her up inside and I wanted to help her, I wanted to prove that I wasn't just a man who put his foot in it every now and again. I left her soaking in the bath for a little while before I brought her up a cup of tea. I normally just walk into the bathroom, but, this time, I knocked on the door. **_

'Come in Jeffrey.' Dixie instructed as Jeff opened the door.

'Brought you a drink Princess, shall I put it here?'

'Thanks love.'

Jeff sat on the side of the bath looking down at Dixie who was covered in bubbles, he couldn't help but smile at her as he did.

'What are you laughing at?'

'Just you.'

'Charming.'

'I am worried about you though Dix, you will tell me what happened soon wont you?'

_**She did tell me, right then and there. It was odd really, she is in the bath and I am perched on the end listening to her talk about and recount what happened in the court. I tried to keep calm and remain composed, but, by the end of her account, I was in floods of tears. I couldn't believe that he had pinned it all on her; I couldn't believe that he had convinced the jury that she was responsible for the death of our children. He had made her sound like she was a slut looking for trouble and cried rape when it happened. He even claimed that it was consensual sex between her and Karl. That made me feel sick, sick to the stomach as I knew it wasn't true. She told me how she had to recount and go through every piece of evidence, look at photos of her bruised body, explain her injuries in detail. I should have been there for her. **_

_**It continued to be a long emotional night for us as we ended up lying in our bed talking about what could happen tomorrow with Karl's cross examination. We were both worried that he was going to get away with it and what that could mean for us. **_

_**I was glad of one thing though, I was glad that even after what I did, she didn't shout at me, I didn't get the bollocking I thought I would. I was happy to have her beside me for the night sleeping in my arms. As hard as that day was for both of us, it was mere child's play compared to what was coming up. The verdict was getting closer; I just hoped it would be a fair judgement. **_


	33. Chapter 33

Jeff woke early the next day looking over to see Dixie still sleeping peacefully beside him. He took a moment to take in her soft features as she slept before he got up to make a tea. He still had some serious making up to do after yesterday, a cup of tea in bed would be a great start.

Jeff slowly got out of bed being careful not to wake her up as he put his dressing gown on making his way downstairs. He had just managed to let the dog out when the phone rang.

'Shit where is it?' Jeff cursed as he rummaged around the kitchen trying to find it, he did not want Dixie waking up to a ringing phone. He eventually found it before it rang off.

'Hi Mr Collier, its Miss Armstrongs Office calling you. I am afraid court has been adjourned today as there has been an incident with Mr Fontayne.'

'What do you mean an incident?' Jeff asked while clicking his fingers at Abs who came back in obediantly.

'I am afraid I do not have anymore details than that Mr Collier. Miss Armstrong will be in touch later to talk to you both ahead of tomorrow. Enjoy your day.'

Jeff hung up the phone wondering what Karl had done but also how he was going to explain it to Dixie without her freaking out. He slowly climbed the stairs with the tea to wake his sleeping beauty.

'Princess? Time to get up gorgeous.' Jeff said softly as he placed a mug down for her before rubbing her face as she opened her eyes.

'Hello Handsome.'

'Bought you a tea.'

'Thank you love.' Dixie replied before looking at the clock, 'Shit Jeff we are late for court we better get a move on.' She stated as she started to get out of bed not really understanding why Jeff pushed her back down.

'Nah, we are not needed today.'

Dixie looked puzzled, 'Jeff Karl is up today, we are due in.'

'Were due in Dixie. The solicitor has phoned, it has been put back a day.'

'Why? What has happened?'

'Dunno babe, apparently there was an incident with Karl, that is all I know.'

'What kind of incident?'

'Princess I really dont know. She is going to call us later.' Dixie settled back down on the pillows eyeing Jeff curiously.

'What are you up to Jeffrey?'

'Nothing. Just looking at my beautiful wife thinking of how I can spoil her today to make up for my stupid behaviour yesterday.'

'You dont need to make it up to me.'

'I want to Dix. I let you down and today I am going to make it up to you starting right now.'

Dixie looked on as Jeff stood up and removed his dressing gown standing infront of her smiling from ear to ear.

'You appear to be naked Jeffrey.' Dixie said while giggling at the sight before her.

'That I am Mrs Collier.' Jeff replied climbing back into bed taking Dixie into his arms. They shared a small kiss before pulling away from each other staring into each others eyes before they couldnt restrain themselves anymore making love to one another.

_**It is strange to think that the woman I met five years ago would be the woman that I would make love to. I can remember our first meeting, I was late for my shift and when I did turn up I honestly thought I could wrap her around my little finger. How wrong was I? She didnt like me much then, but we have grown so very close over the years. If anyone had told me in February 2007 that the woman who I annoyed on my first shift at Holby would be the person I would marry and make love to, I would never have believed them. **_

_**When we got married it was never sexual, but since our third anniversary things changed. Dixie lets me do things that Lucy would never have let me do to her. I swear Dixie has swallowed the karmasutra at times. Our sex life is amazing, that morning was another testament to that, I wanted to make it up to her and I did - twice. If she ever read this she would kill me for writing this down, but I want you to know how much she means to me. I love her so much and would willingly lay down my life for her. Just thinking back to that morning makes me want her again, maybe that could be my reward for spending all morning writing this. I dont think she would object either. We seem to always want each other at the moment, I think it just reminds us of how much in love we really are. I never remember feeling that way about Lucy or anyone else.**_

_**I had plans for her that day, nothing was going to spoil it. **_

Dixie lay in Jeffs arms after their athletic performance running her fingers up and down his chest smiling to herself.

'It just keeps on getting better doesnt it Jeff.'

'Sure does. Right we need to get up and dressed.'

'What? Why cant we just stay here?' Dixie asked.

'Because I am going to make it up to you Dix, I behaved appallingly yesterday and today I am going to treat you.'

'You dont need to Jeff. I think you have made it up to me already.' Dixie replied smiling seductively at Jeff who was now out of bed getting dressed.

'Come on Princess, we are going out so get up.' Jeff pulled the quilt away exposing a naked Dixie underneath who tried to snatch it back from him before admitting defeat realising he was not letting go.

The couple enjoyed their day together, Jeff took Dixie clothes shopping where he allowed her to buy a new outfit before they enjoyed a romantic lunch at a posh restaraunt before heading home.

'I have had a lovely day, thanks Jeff.' Dixie said as she threw herself onto the sofa dropping the bags on the floor.

'Really?'

'Yeah, get woken up with a mug of tea, made love to my husband who then treated me to all these lovely clothes and a slap up lunch.'

'You are worth it all Dix and so much more.' Jeff smiled at her before pulling her close to him kissing her intensly. They were getting lost in the moment when the door bell rang.

'Just ignore it.' Dixie whispered pressing her lips up against Jeffs once more getting lost again in the kiss.

However, someone did not want to be ignored.

'Right I am going to tell them to piss off.' Jeff said as he pulled away from Dixie going to the door pulling it open with such a force it nearly came off in his hand.

'Oh hello Miss Armstrong. Is everything OK?'

'May I come in Jeff? I need to speak with you and Kathleen. Is she here?'

'Yeah she is through there.' Jeff moved allowing their solicitor to come in finding Dixie sat on the sofa looking in her bags of goodies.

'Looks like you made the most of the day then.' Miss Armstrong commented as she sat down.

'Yeah, someone was feeling guilty.' Dixie replied looking at Jeff as he sat next to her taking hold of her hand. 'Is everything alright?' Dixie asked.

'I am afraid not Kathleen. It appears things have taken a turn.'

'What do you mean a turn?' Jeff asked.

'Karl was found in his cell this morning, he had tried to hang himself.'

'Maybe the lies got too much for him.' Jeff said earning a glare from Dixie.

'Go on.' Dixie asked.

'He was taken to St James for treatment.'

'And?' Dixie was becoming nervous.

'He is still alive but they found a note.'

'What sort of note?' Jeff asked as he moved his hand from Dixie's to placing his arms around her shoulders pulling her close. He had a feeling it wasnt going to be good.

'Karl has said that it has all got too much. He said in the letter that he couldnt bare it anymore.'

'So is that an admission of guilt then?' Jeff asked.

'Not exactly.' Miss Armstrong replied.

'What do you mean not exactly? Either it is or it isnt?' Jeff pressed on.

'Jeff, Kathleen, I need you to listen carefully to what I am going to say.' She paused waiting for a nod before she continued. 'He says in his letter that you are lying Kathleen, he is claiming that you were in a relationship with him but when Jeff was on the verge of finding out, you cried rape. He is saying he cannot face your lies anymore.'

'Are you for real?' Jeff said.

'This now puts another spin on things Kathleen. I am afraid that I need to ask you, were you in a sexual relationship with Mr Karl Fontayne?'


	34. Chapter 34

'Mr Fontayne, could you talk us through the past couple of years from your perspective please.' Karls solicitor scanned the courtroom locking his gaze on the Colliers who were sat together in the public gallery holding hands. He had spent the last week going over events with Karl while he recovered in hopsital and now it was time to put the plan into action. Turning back to Karl, he added 'Start from your first encounter with Mr and Mrs Collier, take your time.' He moved to lean against the desk relishing the dramatic pauses and awkward silences before Karl spoke out.

'I met them at about Christmas time 2010, they came out to the estate to treat some drunk kid who came off his bike. Me and my mates were keepimg him company until they arrived, you know, being friendly. I was sat on his bike when he threatened me, told me to get off the bike otherwise I would be on a stretcher.' Karl glanced up to the Colliers enjoying the look of shock and bewilderment coming from their faces. Karl took a deep breath before he carried on.

'I didnt see them again until later at the hospital, me and my mates saw him sat in the ambulance so thought we would go over to see how the kid was doing. He wasnt very friendly then either. He got up in my face, he was pretty scary.'

'Go on Mr Fontayne.'

'I befriended one of their mates, Polly, she was a technician, very kind and caring. She helped me you know. After he tried to set light to me, she made me feel good about myself...'

'Mr Fontayne, can you elaborate on the incident where Mr Collier threatened you. Tell us how you were made to feel?'

'Objection, this has nothing to do with the current charges brought against Mr Fontayne by Mr and , how is this line of questioning relevant?' Miss Armstrong asked.

'It is relevant to understand the emotional torment that my client has been suffering.' Karls solicitor returned. The judge nodded allowing for the questioning to continue.

'He came into a flat where I was, threw petrol over me and threatened to set me on fire. He made me so scared that I lost control of myself. He took a photo and showed it to my mates. He took everything from me that day, my mates, my self respect and my family. Polly helped me, got me into college, found me somewhere to stay. She helped me, made me realise I wasnt worthless that I could be somebody, but then she died.'

Karl stopped looking down at the floor for added dramatic effect. He knew exactly what he was doing, he could sense Jeffs anger and Dixies hurt from where he was sat, it made him glad they were suffering even now. He was determined not to make the charges stick and this was his chance to do just that.

'Next time I met them it wasnt so bad. We were all grieving for Polly, she was hurting and he was ignoring her. It was clear that she needed a hug just as much as I did, thats when it all started.'

Dixie's jaw dropped at what she was hearing and held onto Jeffs hand even tighter. She had already gone through enough this week since Karls accusation, she had already felt like she had to convince Jeff that he was lying although he would continue to hold her, kiss her, make love to her telling her he believed her and that Karl was just playing a sick joke. She was given a list of dates and times that Karl claimed they had met, she had to prove her whereabouts to discredit him. She was hoping she had done enough.

'Go on'

'I gave her what she needed him to give her, I gave her love. We met in secret several times over the year, each time we were intimate with each other.'

'I cannot listen to this anymore Dix, he is sick.' Jeff whispered in her ear.

'I know, I didnt do any of those things Jeff, I didnt.'

'I know babe, I know.' Jeff moved Dixie into his arms as Karl looked up at .

_**( It was bad enough that we had to sit and listen to his lies, in a way he was right. Dixie was hurting after Polly died, she did need my touch but I was so wrapped up in blaming myself that I ignored her. I would like to think that I have made up for it now. When we heard about Karls accusation Dixie felt the need to tell me it wasnt true. She thought I wouldnt believe her, I did. Our bond is unbreakable, he wasnt going to break it. I just held her close and hoped our solicitor would come through for us.**_)

'It makes me sad that what we had meant nothing to her and that she is accusing me of rape just so she doesnt need to face the consequences of her infidelity.' Karl replied mock crying for added effect which didnt go unnoticed from Jeff.

'Jesus Christ, waterworks. How low will this creep go.' Jeff muttered as he continued to hold Dixie close to him.

'Thank you Mr Fontayne, I appreciate how hard this has been for you. I have one last thing to ask you, why did you decide to take your own life?' His solicitor asked, he was obviously going for the full effect.

Karl sniffed and wiped his eyes before locking them onto Dixie. 'She is lying. I couldnt listen to her lies anymore. If she had just been honest and told him the truth none of this would be happening. It is her that should be on trial not me. We had something special, it meant everything to me.'

Dixie shuddered into Jeff who held her tightly glaring at Karl with his nostrils flaring. He really had to try to contain himself, he didnt want another fine heading his way.

_**( I wanted to deck him one there and then but I had to remain strong. He was going to get his come uppance soon enough. He was staring at us so I decided to give him something to stare at, I kissed my wife and settled back down to watch him crumble). **_

'Thank you Mr Fontayne.' Karls solicitor turned, 'Miss Armstrong, if you have any questions?'

She nodded getting up to walk into the centre of the courtroom. Jeff and Dixie held onto each other both putting their faith and future firmly in her hands. She had the control now, every second, every word, every question counted.

'Mr Fontayne, how are you feeling?'

'A little shaken but I am ok.'

'If I were you I would be shaking. It must have been a tough call to have made, trying to take your own life. You must be really suffering.'

'I am, I couldnt take it anymore.'

'Yeah. Lying does have that effect on people.'

'I am not the one lying, she is.' Karl spat back pointing up to Dixie.

'You keep on saying that. Let us take some time to reflect shall we Mr Fontayne? You see that couple up there? The ones that are holding each other tightly, they are victims of your lying arent they? Mrs Collier did nothing to deserve her gang rape instigated by you, she did nothing to suffer the loss of her twin sons at your hands. She also did not have any sexual relationship with you did she?'

'Yes she did. We were having sex, she wanted it just as much as I did.' Karl spat back getting slightly irrate with her.

'You see that is where I have my problem. Up until last March, Mrs Collier was a lesbian who fell in love with her husband and enjoys a healthy relationship with him. Your story doesnt add up does it?'

'What are you getting at?'

'This.' Miss Armstrong replied moving around the courtroom sending a clear message that she was in control something that both Karl and his solicitor did not like.

'You attacked a resident on the estate, one who Mr Collier was trying to help. I am not denying that the death of Miss Emmerson hit you hard but that wasnt Mrs Colliers fault. You gave us ten dates and times over a period of seven months of when you and Mrs Collier allegedly met up, five of those times she was working as supported by Ambulance Dispatch, three were hospital appointments as confirmed by Holby NHS and the other two, well she was on holiday with her husband in a different country.'

Miss Armstrong turned to face Karl who had screwed his face up in utter rage at what he was hearing. 'Oh, and I also think I need to add that we have three men in custody who admitted to raping Mrs Collier under your instruction. We also have neighbours of the Colliers who have seen you spying on their home and fleeing the day Mrs Collier was attacked. I think you are lying. You have invented the whole affair to get you off the hook for charges of rape, assault, bodily harm and murder. Anything you want to say now Mr Fontayne?'

The whole court fell silent, every set of eyes were on Karl waiting for his reply.


	35. Chapter 35

For Karl everything seemed to slow down as he glanced around the courtroom one more time. He could see Miss Armstrong leaning up against the table waiting for his reply, members of the Jury was staring straight at him waiting for his response, somewhere still scribbling into their notebooks. He turned his gaze one more time to the Colliers, he noticed how Jeff ha d fixed his eyes on him, scrawling whilst Dixie was busy wiping tears away from her eyes.

Karl could feel his blood boiling, how dare they try and topple him? He was about to speak when a second voice boomed across the court making everyone stop dead.

'Objection Your Honour.'

'What is there to object?' Miss Armstrong asked Karl's Solicitor as he stood up.

'It is clear that my client is suffering emotionally at having to think about why he decided to take his own life, he is not emotionally able to continue talking at the moment, I would like him to have some time to compose himself.'

'Your honour, may I remind you and the court that Mrs Collier was subjected to the same emotional torment when she was continually questioned about the death of her sons, she was not granted a break then, she carried on. Why should we allow Mr Fontayne to be treated any differently?' Miss Armstrong was firm in getting her point across without appearing rude.

All eyes were fixed on the judge as he sat in quiet contemplation for a few moments. When he opened his mouth to speak, everyone hung on his every word.

'I can see both sides of this argument at the moment. Miss Armstrong has made a valid point counsel, Mrs Collier did not receive any special treatment when she was questioned, and therefore I do not feel it is appropriate to award Mr Fontayne with any. You may continue Miss Armstrong.'

Karl glared at his solicitor who shot both Miss Armstrong and the Colliers a look that could kill making his way back to the table to sit down. He just hoped Karl didn't say anything that would cost them the case.

Miss Armstrong walked calmly around to her table moving pieces of paper around in front of her as she again asked Karl the question, 'Mr Fontayne, you have heard the response to your allegations of Mrs Collier's infidelity and it doesn't add up does it? Mrs Colliers movements on the dates and times given are accounted for, your movements, however, are not. Oh wait, hang on a minute, on three of the dates you gave, you were in Police custody after assaulting an OAP, stealing from the supermarket and being drunk and disorderly. So, I repeat my question, is there anything you would like to say?'

_**(I squeezed Dixie's hand tightly in my own at that point, our solicitor was costing me a small fortune, but she was good. She had him over a barrel, I knew it, Dixie knew it and so did Karl, nothing he was saying was adding up anymore, I was hopeful that this would work in our favour, Karl will be found guilty and we can move on with our lives. I can recall watching Karl as he was clearly seething at what had been thrown at him, the stunt pulled by his solicitor didn't pay off, Dix wasn't given any special treatment, why should he have done.) **_

Karl did not speak, he didn't know how to respond to this, he wanted to speak with his solicitor, but no one was giving him that opportunity. Miss Armstrong eyed Karl up again before hitting him with more accusations and questions.

'Mr Fontayne, you seem to have gone quiet, is that a guilty conscience taking over?'

'No.' Karl spat back.

'Then tell us, why did you lie about being in a sexual relationship with Mrs Collier?'

'I am not lying, I am telling you the truth.' Karl tried in one last ditch attempt to win the jury around, but Miss Armstrong was not going to let this happen.

'Oh come on Karl, you know as well as I do, Mrs Collier is in a loving relationship with her husband Look at them.' She pointed up at Dixie and Jeff before she continued, 'Are you seriously trying to tell us that you aged what, 26 are seeing a woman aged 39? Are you seriously expecting us to believe that she was sleeping with you when she only started a sexual relationship with her husband in March last year as up until that time was a lesbian.'

'SHE IS A DISGUSTING LEZZA WHO NEEDED TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON.' Karl shouted back taking the whole court room by shock as everyone inhaled deeply at his outburst. Miss Armstrong, on the other hand, stood smiling at him.

'Is that why you raped her then, why you attacked her in her own home, why you killed her sons?'

'Objection, your honour.'

'Oh what a surprise.' Miss Armstrong muttered as she turned once more to Karl's solicitor who had stood up yet again.

'Counsel, what objection do you have now?' The Judge asked.

'I would like a short break in which I can talk to Mr Fontayne and calm him down before we continue.'

'Your Honour, I do not feel that having a break will be appropriate at this time, you have heard Mr Fontayne, he needs to account for his actions in his own words, not in his solicitors words.'

_**(I nearly smacked his solicitor one, I think Dixie sensed this as I felt her hand move around my waist pulling me closer to her as she placed her other hand on my arm. Miss Armstrong was there, she was so there in getting a confession from him, and his poxy solicitor has to stop proceedings again. All we wanted was justice so we could move on with our lives. We hadn't had chance to properly mourn the death of our children, we hadn't had chance to be a couple, the court case had taken over our lives. It was nearly over and now it was being snatched away again. I can remember praying, praying for the judge not to grant the break so Karl was forced to continue.) **_

'Counsel, we will stop for lunch, in about 30 minutes. Miss Armstrong may continue with her cross examination of your client, uninterrupted.'

'Thank you Your Honour.' Miss Armstrong replied before walking over to stand right in front of Karl.

'So, how did you teach Mrs Collier a lesson then Mr Fontayne? What did you do?'

Dixie sat next to Jeff shaking as tears fell down her face. She couldn't believe this was happening, was he actually going to honest and confess to what he had done? Jeff sensed Dixie was crying and turned slightly in his chair so he was facing her, moving her hair from her eyes, he whispered:

'Dix, babe, did you want to leave?'

She shook her head.

'Princess, if this is all too much for you tell me, don't feel like you have to sit here because if you want to go, I will take you somewhere else.'

Dixie took a deep breath before squeezing Jeff's hand, 'It's OK love, I need to hear it from him, I want to hear him confess to everyone here. I need to do this.'

'If you are sure Dix, if you are sure.' Jeff placed a light kiss on her head and he wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly as they listened to what was going on beneath them.

'Mr Fontayne, how did you teach Mrs Collier a lesson? What lesson were you trying to teach her?'

'She is disgusting, marrying a bloke but not sleeping with him. Lezzas are disgusting in my opinion, they need to be shown and I showed her. '

'By raping her with your friends?'

'Yeah, she needed teaching and so did he, he cannot walk around like his is high and mighty preaching to people about what is right and wrong. He ruined my life, I simply showed the pair of them who was boss and who not to mess with and do you know what. I succeeded, I showed him I could get to him without laying a finger on him, I took away something that he cared about, that was precious to him. Yeah, I raped her, I got my mates to rape her, and she deserved it. He deserved to see someone he cares about suffer, he deserved to feel the pain and do you know what, I am glad. I took the ultimate thing from them, I took their children, they are going to have to live with the fact that their children were taken from them.'

'No Mr Fontayne, you are going to have to live with the fact that you murdered two innocent boys with your actions. You need to live with what you have done. Mr and Mrs Collier are a strong partnership; they will get over this and move on with their lives. You haven't broken them at all; instead you have ruined your own life.'

_**(He had admitted it, there was no going back now, I felt as if a massive weight had been lifted from us, Karl was going to get what was coming to him and I hope they threw away the bloody key. I cradled my Dixie close to me, she was sobbing, really sobbing in my arms, I knew the reality of everything had sunk in for her, she was getting closure, we both were. I was relieved when the judge adjourned for lunch, I needed to get her out of there, thank our Solicitor and hold her close. **_

_**Our Solicitor told us that the likelihood of Karl pulling it back into his favour now were next to nothing, the verdict will find him guilty of rape and assault, she was confident he would get a hefty sentence, at the time, I hoped he would too. Me and Dix sat outside on the wall together, we didn't need to say anything, just being with her was enough. I can remember her asking me if it was over, if we could move on. I didn't want to say yes just yet in case a curve ball came our way after lunch. **_

_**Speaking of Dix, she has just come in again to see me, she has been good you know all morning while I have been writing this down, she has given me cuddles when I needed them, cups of tea and loads of biscuits, not once has she asked to read what I have written, she is just pleased that I am writing it all down. I guess she has been right, it does help, I am starting to feel better but there is still a little more to go.)**_

**A / N – Not the best ending to a chapter that I have made you wait so long for. There will probably be another couple of chapters after this before the fic finishes. Thank you to all of you who are following, reading and reviewing. **__

'


	36. Chapter 36

**A / N – I am sooooooo sorry for not updating this fic in so long. Please don't hold it against me. I hope this starts to make up for it, although, not too sure when the next update will be to be honest. I had hoped to finish this fic this week, but, doesn't seem likely. **

Jeff and Dixie left the Court House at the end of a very emotional day, Miss Armstrong was right, Karl didn't manage to pull it back in his favour, and he had said some pretty damming things in there that left the judge with little or no choice. The jury had retired for the day and were due to deliver their verdict later on the next day, there was nothing more Jeff and Dixie could do but to go home.

Jeff guided his distraught wife to their car before he started to drive them home.

'Can we not go home yet Jeff?' Dixie said softly as she stared out of the window watching Holby rush past them.

'Where do you want to go instead Princess?' Jeff asked slightly confused as he brought the car to a gentle stop at the cross roads.

'Can we go to the park for a little while?'

'Of course we can babe, of course we can.'

Jeff indicated right and headed towards the park at the end of the road. He wondered why Dixie wanted to go there instead of home, but she must have had her reasons, he wasn't going to question her on them.

_**(I should have realised at the time that she wanted to go there to think and take some time out to reflect. Dixie doesn't like being in the house when something has happened; she prefers to talk about it in the car or somewhere completely neutral. I never understood why, but, she says that our house is where we are meant to feel safe and calm; sometimes it is better to be somewhere else to talk about things. It had been a draining day for the pair of us, well, more for Dix than me I guess, if she wanted some time out, I was more than willing to let her have it). **_

Jeff held Dixie's hand tightly as they walked through the park, the evening was setting in and it was pretty chilly for January. They both had their coats on done right up to their necks as they wondered around the pathway. Jeff watched commuters racing through to catch their trains or buses, he wondered if any of them had had as rough as day as them.

Dixie was silent, she was mulling over what had happened in the court room, what Karl had said had got to her, there was no doubt about that. She stopped at a bench by the lake and sat down; Jeff sat close next to her placing his arm around her shoulders pulling her to him to keep her warm.

'Am I disgusting?' Dixie asked Jeff as she looked out over the waters.

Jeff was a little shocked and taken aback by what Dixie had just said, he didn't know how to respond to her, but knew why she had asked it. That was one of the things Karl said so vehemently in the court room.

'No Dix, you are not disgusting, don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he is talking about.'

'Doesn't he?'

'Babe, come on'

'He said I am a disgusting lesbian who needed to be taught a lesson and that I deserved everything I got.' Dixie sighed before she continued, 'maybe I am and maybe I did.'

'No, don't you dare start thinking like that, you listen to me Mrs Collier, you are not disgusting and you did not deserve what happened to you. He had no right to do or say what he did to you, absolutely none at all. You are a beautiful person with a kind heart, I love you to bits and I will not hear you talk like that anymore.' Jeff moved his arm so he had Dixie's head in his hand as he stared into her eyes. He could see tears forming in them as he pulled her back for a hug. Jeff rested his head on top of his wife's as they sat in silence once more looking at the calming movement of the waters.

'What's going to happen Jeff?' Dixie asked as she looked down to her fingers, playing with her nails.

'In what sense?'

'With Karl, what he said, the verdict, us…' Dixie trailed off as she said the last word.

_**(She had caught me off guard with that one, the first two went straight over my head, I was more concerned with what she meant by the 'us' part. I knew this had all got to her, but, was this really going to end it for us? She had come so far over the last 10 months since the attack, she had started to like herself again, started to get her confidence back, I had my Dixie back. Today was hard for her, it really was, but, I needed to make her see that she had done nothing wrong. I didn't want her going back to where she was last April / May time when she blamed herself for what had happened). **_

'Dixie, I don't understand.'

'Are we going to be able to get through this Jeff? Do you still want to be with your disgusting lezza wife?'

'Dixie, you are not disgusting, please stop saying you are. I love you, you know I do, I will always love you, please don't talk like this babe.'

'Even in court, he made me feel worthless and ashamed of myself for who I was Jeff. What sort of person am I? Who have I become? It is me who deserves to be locked away; I couldn't even protect our children, I…..' _**(That was it that was what I was waiting for, the tears, the uncontrollable tears that fell from my Dixie's eyes. Her feelings of guilt had come back again, I knew they would. She had to stop blaming herself, she was the innocent party in all of this, her and our children were not at fault. I couldn't say anything to her as she cried into my shoulder, I was crying too.) **_

They sat in each other's embrace for a little while longer, eventually both of their tears started to subside once more. Dixie sat up wiping at her eyes before turning to look at her husband who, in turn, was always wiping his own face. She smiled at him before placing a kiss upon his cheek. Jeff closed his eyes as he felt Dixie's lips on his skin, he treasured every single time she did that. He was blessed to have her as his best friend, his lover, his wife.

'I am sorry Jeff.'

'You have nothing to be sorry for Dixie, absolutely nothing. But I need you to listen to me; I need to tell you something.'

Dixie nodded.

'You have to believe me when I say that you are not worthless, you are priceless. I love you with all my heart and soul and I am never going to leave you, do you hear me, never. Karl is the worthless one, not you. He is going to be found guilty Dix, and he will be locked away. Please babe, you have come so far, don't look back or regret what we have together, please don't. What we have now means everything to me. You are beautiful Dix, and you deserve to be a mother. If anyone should have protected our children, it was me. If anything, I have let you down massively and for that I am the one who is sorry.'

_**(I needed to tell her that I blamed myself for our children dying, it was me who she was trying to protect when Karl was in our home, it was me who Karl was trying to get to, not her. I was the one who made the final call on the operation, not Dixie. I think that was when she came up with her plan to make me write this down. The case had lasted for two weeks so far and the end was in sight, I think, at that moment in the park, we both silently decided to move on with our lives. One door closes and another opens). **_

Dixie placed her hand on Jeff's arm as he spoke; she knew him so very well and knew he was still blaming himself for everything. Once he had finished, she smiled at him before pulling him to his feet. They needed this time together to be honest with each other, now it was time to go home and be together.

'Come on Handsome, it is getting cold. Let's go home.'

Jeff locked his hand into Dixie's as they made their way back across the park and to their car. In a way, they felt like a weight had been lifted once more, they could start to move on. They didn't need to say anything to each other as they drove home that night, they enjoyed a comfortable silence.

Dixie made dinner when they got back; Miss Armstrong had called and informed them the verdict was due at about 3pm, so they should get to the court house for about 2 that afternoon. They both decided to relax that evening and spend some time with each other as a couple, something they had rarely been able to do over the last 10 months.

_**(We had a bath together, something we have not done in a little while, it was lovely just being close to Dixie. After that, we relaxed in front of her favourite movie – Dirty Dancing, cannot stand it myself, but, she likes it, so that is all that mattered. It was a lovely evening considering what had happened and what was to come the following day. We went to bed shortly after the film ended, she lay in my arms and I held her close to me. How could anyone say that she is disgusting or worthless? I lay there for a little while longer, watching Dixie sleep, she looked so peaceful. I studied her features as I thought about what was going to happen the next day. We were finally getting closure; Karl was going to get justice. At least, I hoped he would). **_

Jeff moved his head down onto his pillow as he cradled Dixie close to him placing a kiss on her head before he too closed his eyes drifting off into a world of dreams.

**A / N – Sorry for the fluffy ending to the chapter, I hope it is OK. My OCD won't let me leave it on a strange number, I wanted to write something else at the end of this, but that would make chapter 37, cannot have that, so I will tell you now, chapter 38 will be the last one. **


	37. Chapter 37

**A / N – Hey, I am really so very sorry for the time it has taken me to update. I should be working, but instead I am updating my fics. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it is the penultimate one I am afraid. Just a reminder, Jeff's current thoughts are in brackets, bold and italics. **

_**(Three weeks the trial had lasted, three weeks of our lives had been taken up by this little festering turd, three weeks of sleepless nights, worrying, crying, arguing, he had taken more time away from us. I was so glad it was nearly over, I just wanted our life back and I know Dix did as well. I remember the day vividly, I suppose it is only natural really, it wasn't that long ago in all fairness. We had been up most of the night talking about the possible outcomes and if he would be found guilty or not. We were both worried in case he got let off, let's face it, the British justice system does have a habit of that. **_

_**I made Dixie breakfast in bed that morning and took it up to her, she picked at it, she didn't really feel up to eating and neither did I. I watched her absent mindedly walk around the house that morning moving things, picking things up, tidying up; she wasn't really focussing on anything in particular. I can remember feeling utterly helpless, I really didn't know what the outcome would be, I couldn't tell her everything would be alright. **_

_**When we arrived at the court, I could sense there was something wrong, I don't know why, but I just got the feeling something was going to happen, that the outcome wouldn't be as we had hoped. I walked through the corridors holding onto Dixie's hand tightly, she looked beautiful once more opting for a skirt that showed off her legs. I continued to hold her close as we waited to be called in and even as we sat in the seats. Karl was already in there when we arrived, he looked a little pale, but, it didn't stop him sniggering and staring at us as we sat down. Dixie avoided all eye contact with him, I didn't, and I glared right back at him whilst placing my arm around Dixie's shoulders. I couldn't help but think that his time was up, he would get his just desserts). **_

'All Rise, court is now in session.'

'Members of the Jury, have you reached a decision in the case of Collier versus Fontayne?'

'We have'

_**(I felt Dixie hold onto my leg as he spoke these words, they had reached a verdict, justice would be done. I pulled her closer to me kissing the top of her head as we sat there hopeful that the verdict would be what we were after. Those few seconds before anyone spoke again were the longest ever, I just wanted to stand up and scream at them to get a move on.) **_

'How do you find Mr Fontayne on the charge of organising the gang rape of Mrs Kathleen Collier?'

_**(The pause was killing me yet again; I placed my hand on top of Dixie's and squeezed it gently resting my head on top of hers with my eyes closed. I sat there whispering the word please over and over again into her hair.) **_

'Guilty.'

_**(YYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSS) **_

'And on the two charges of rape. How do you find Mr Fontayne on the rape of Mrs Collier on March 27th?'

'Guilty'

_**(There is a God and he was smiling down on us that afternoon. I held Dixie closer to me, tears streaming down my face, he had been found guilty, and there was no going back now. I remember feeling Dixie shaking lightly under my hold, she was crying to, there was just one more charge and sentencing to go, I had to stay strong for her.) **_

'And finally, the charge of breaking and entering the home of Mr and Mrs Jeffrey Collier along with the actual bodily harm of Mrs Collier, how do you find Mr Fontayne?'

'Guilty'

'Thank you foreman and members of the Jury, you have played a key role in seeking the verdict for Mr Karl Fontayne and I would personally like to thank you for your time and commitment to this case.' The Judge started before turning back to face the court, more importantly to face Karl and the Colliers.

_**(He had been found guilty, justice had been done. I held Dixie close to me and kissed her head repeatedly, all we had to do now was listen to the sentencing and the closing comments from the Judge. I thought the trial had been harsh, but he was just as harsh with his words. I did not, and still do not, agree with what he said, but who am I to argue with a Judge, the same judge that put me in contempt of court?)**_

'Mr Fontayne, you have been found guilty of all the charges that have been placed before you. Your actions towards a vulnerable innocent woman are far from excusable. You are, however, a mentally and emotionally unstable young man who has been failed by all those who were meant to be helping you. There is no doubt in my mind that your attempt on your own life was partly an act for the benefit of the trial, but also a cry for help. You need to live with your actions Mr Fontayne for the rest of your life. What you instigated on the young lady behind you was deplorable and abhorrent.

Having said that, Mr Collier, although you have not been on trial this time, there is no doubt in my mind that your actions played a significant part in the attack on your wife both at work and at home. We have seen first-hand in this court room how you temper has got the better of you. You are an extremely close couple and it is clear how much you love each other. Whilst justice has been served for the crimes Mr Fontayne committed, we also appreciate the personal loss of your boys, and the torment this trial has brought both yourself and your wife. Mr Collier, I strongly urge you to think before you act, I have no doubt in my mind that one day you will be sat here being convicted of an assault on someone when you lose your temper again. For the sake of yourself and your wife, learn to reign yourself in.

I have sat here for the last three weeks listening to both sides of the story, reading all the files, looking at all the evidence, this trial has been highly emotionally charged and draining for all involved. Mr Fontayne, although you have been found guilty, I need to be thoughtful in the sentence I pass on you as I do also believe Mr Collier played a significant part in the lead up to your actions. As I have said, he is not on trial here, but, he now has to live with the loss of his own children and the knowledge that his temper got the better of him. He will learn from this Mr Fontayne, but will you?

You have already served three months on remand and in that time you tried to take your own life. I sentence you to a further five years imprisonment where you will be assessed under the mental health act and receive the treatment you need. There is no parole, or option of early release for good behaviour. You will be placed on the sex offenders register and have a lifelong restraining order which will prevent you from going near Mr and Mrs Collier, their family, their home or place of work. If you break the conditions of this order, you will find yourself back in custody for a further five years imprisonment.

Mrs Collier, you have been incredibly brave throughout the whole trial, I admire your bravery and composure as you spoke to us all regarding the attacks and losses you have suffered this past year. I would like to wish you and your husband well for the future. Court is now closed.'

_**(And with that he got up and left. We looked on as Karl was led away in handcuffs, we just sat there in silence, I don't even remember what Miss Armstrong said to us as she got up, but I know Dixie did as she replied and thanked her for everything. I was just in shock that was one hell of a closing statement from the judge. I felt Dixie tug at my hand as she led us out of the courtroom and back to the car. She drove us home, I was just in shock and she knew it. **_

_**I was totally useless to Dixie when we got home, she sat me on the sofa and made a cup of tea for us both, I had imagined us being utterly elated at the result, I had dreamt that he would have been found guilty, sentenced to a long time in prison and us coming home and celebrating. That wasn't going to happen now.) **_

'Jeff, love, come here.' Dixie said as she pulled Jeff in for a hug, 'What the judge said, don't listen to him love.'

'Easy for you to say Dix, he was right, my temper and rash actions got us into this mess, I am solely to blame for it.'

'No, no, no, now you listen to me Mr Collier and you listen well. You are NOT to blame, do you hear me? Not one bit.' Dixie was firm in her words to Jeff holding his head in her hands as she gazed directly into his eyes.

'But, he…'

'No buts Jeff, none at all, you are not the blame.'

'I am Dix.'

'Jeff, please stop this and believe me. I love you with all my heart and in my heart and mind you are not to blame for any of this.'

_**(I looked up and gazed into her eyes, they told me everything I needed to know, she didn't blame me, she didn't think I was at fault in anyway. I just sat there and let her hold me, I hate to admit it, but, it did take me a little while to have the courage to hold her back. I did blame myself, it has taken me a few weeks to get over what the judge said, that is why her card touched me so much this morning, she wants to start again, she wants to move on and I guess I do as well.) **_

'I love you Dix.'

'And I love you too Jeffrey.'

'Are you alright Babe?' Jeff asked as he moved from Dixie's shoulder to look her in the eyes.

'I don't know love; I don't know what I was expecting to happen in there. I know he was found guilty and I should be happy with that.'

'But?'

'I don't know Jeff, it has been a long day and a horrible few weeks, I just want to spend my evening with you and you only.'

_**(I held her close to me once more as we sat in silence on the sofa. We did talk about it again a few days later, Dixie was trying to get her head around the sentence and what it meant to her. She wasn't sure if it was a good thing that Karl was going to get help or not. I didn't think what he got was enough when you think about what he did and has put us through, but, we shouldn't dwell on it too much. Dixie finished her diary a few days after the trial and placed it in the box at the back of our wardrobe, I haven't read it and promised her I wouldn't, that was when she asked me to do the same. It was her way of getting that final piece of closure being able to lock all the memories away. **_

_**I have to admit, spending my wedding anniversary sat alone in the dining room writing page after page is not what I had intended to do today. I wanted to spoil her rotten after she got me the ring and I still intend to I guess. It has been a hard year for us as you can well appreciate; you have been through it all with me as you have read this over my shoulder. There is nothing more to add to this really. I do feel better for having written it down, I guess there will always be a part of me that blames myself and wishes I had acted differently all those months ago, but, I didn't. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but, it won't help me to move on and I need to do that for her and our future. **_

_**Jeff). **_

A / N – Jeff has now finished his account, the last chapter (no idea when that will be up) will be in the present tense and I hope draw this fic to a lovely close. Thank you everyone for your kind reviews. One more chapter to come.


	38. Chapter 38

**A / N – Hey everyone, this is the last chapter for this fic. I would like to thank everyone for all your reviews, follows and favourites. Enjoy this final chapter; it is in the present now that Jeff has finished his story xx**

Jeff sat at the dining room table gathering up his thoughts into one large stack. It amazed him how much he had written, what he had said, how he was still feeling. Dixie had left him with an envelope to put it in once he had finished, he was under strict instructions to seal it before he brought it up. Jeff sighed as he did this, one whole year, one year of anguish, anger, loss and bereavement stacked in one envelope. How could everything amount to so little on paper?

Before he went to find Dixie, Jeff looked up at the clock, 3.30pm, he had spent the last six hours sat in the dining room writing this down, what a way to spend our anniversary, he thought to himself, what a way to spend the first day of our new start. When he got up that morning, he wasn't expecting Dixie's card or present, nor was he expecting to be doing this. Jeff really hadn't planned anything for the day, but, he did intend on spending it with Dixie either in front of a movie, walking the dog or just in her arms. Deep down he was glad she had made him do this, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, for the first time, he felt refreshed and ready to face anything.

Jeff walked out of the dining room holding the envelope and went in search of his wife. She hadn't gone out, she had stayed indoors with him being there to comfort him and ply him with tea and biscuits to keep him going. He wondered what she had been doing all day to keep herself occupied while he was writing this down, soon enough, his question was answered.

'Hey.' He said as he entered his old bedroom where Dixie was putting baby belongings into cardboard boxes.

'Hey, all done?' she asked getting up from the floor going over to him.

'Yeah, all done.' Jeff said quietly fiddling with the envelope once more.

Dixie moved forward placing her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her as she felt his arms snake around her waist.

'I am so very proud of you Mr Collier.' She said before pressing her lips against his for a soft kiss.

'Why are you proud of me?'

'For writing it all down, I know it was hard for you to do that, but I hope it has helped you.'

'Yeah, but, I just feel that I have neglected you today.'

'Love, you haven't neglected me, why do you think you have?'

'Today is our anniversary Dix; we should have spent it together, not apart.'

'Jeff, love, if we are going to start again, we need to put this last year behind us and move on together. We have many more anniversaries to come and we will spend each and every one of them together, I promise.'

Jeff looked around his old room, the room that was kitted out to be the nursery for their children, the children they never got to bring home.

'What you doing Dix?' he asked softly feeling his eyes watering as he continued to look around the room at the cots, the rocking chair, the toys and clothes they had bought were all now in boxes to go up in the loft or taken to the charity shop.

'Moving on Jeff.'

'I would have done this babe rather than you. Why didn't you wait for me?'

'You have been moving on yourself today love by writing that account; I am finishing what I need to do to help me start again with you.'

Jeff knew Dixie was right, they both had to move on with their lives, he needed to write down his feelings and Dixie needed to move on from losing their children. It had indeed been hard for them in so many different ways.

'You OK babe?' Jeff asked as he saw Dixie look around the room at all the boxes.

'Yeah, I am OK.'

'What do you think our boys would have been doing now Dix?' He asked as he returned to hold her close to him. Jeff knew Dixie was finding this hard, she had been there for him throughout the day, but, not once had he gone to seek her out to find out if she was OK. He started to feel guilty, but, knew she was right.

'Probably screaming blue murder, demanding feeds and soiling their nappies.' Dixie replied chuckling to herself as she snuggled closer into Jeff.

'I just wish it didn't happen.' Jeff said as he stroked her hair, holding her close.

'Ssssh love, so do I, but, we need to do this now. We agreed to start again and that is what we are going to do. I know it is sad, trust me I really know, but, we have to be grateful of what we have Jeff and the future we will have together.'

'I just feel rotten, you wanted so much to be a mother and now you can't.'

'I know love, but, we have other options if we did want a family of our own. Just because I can't do it naturally, doesn't mean we can't be a family.'

Jeff smiled down at his wife before taking her by the hand leading them out of the spare bedroom and into theirs. Dixie had already put the box containing her diaries on the bed; it was ready for Jeff's. The pair sat down on their bed opening the lid and placing his account on top of Dixie's. She returned the lid to the box doing up the small clasp to secure it before Jeff took it, stood up and placed it back in the wardrobe away from sight.

Jeff turned back to look at his wife who was sat cross legged in the middle of their bed, she was smiling at him before patting the space next to her. Jeff climbed onto the bed and sat close beside her as she relaxed her position to hold him.

'Happy Anniversary Jeffrey.'

'Happy Anniversary Dix.'

'Time to start again isn't it?'

'Sure is babe, sure is.'

'What do you want to do now then Jeffrey?' Dixie asked looking up into his eyes as he stared straight ahead trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall down his face. He had to remain strong now for her and them. Jeff sighed, there were so many things he wanted to do right now, but, there was one unfinished job that needed to get done. 'Shall I help you in the other room Dix?'

'Do you want to?'

'Yeah Princess, I want to help you, to help us move on for good.'

Dixie smiled at him before they both climbed off their bed and walked back into the spare bedroom, as Dixie packed the boxes; Jeff put them up in the loft until eventually all that was left in the room was the rocking chair and chest of drawers.

Dixie shed a few tears while Jeff was with her as she thought about what they should have been doing now as a family. Jeff was there for her; they both held each other tightly and closed the door behind them. He led them back into their bedroom where they could just lie with each other on their bed.

'Jeff, shall we go out for dinner tonight?' Dixie suggested after they had been cuddling for a few minutes.

'Why not Mrs Collier. Where would you like to go Princess?'

'I don't mind, we could go to the new Indian that has opened up near the hospital.'

'You don't even like Indian!'

'No, but you do, consider it my reward to you for what you have done today, it couldn't have been easy for you love.'

Jeff thought for a moment, it wasn't easy for him, she was right there, but, it needed to be done. 'You were right though Dix, writing it down did help. Thank you for making me do it.'

'Did you just say I was right?' Dixie asked as she lifted her head from Jeff's chest to look him in the eyes.

'I am not repeating myself woman.' Jeff smirked as he returned her gaze.

'Wow, it must be a new start if you are admitting I was right. It will be etched in my memory forever now.'

'I love you Kathleen Louise Collier, you mean so much to me, you have been so brave this past year, braver than anyone else I know. I am blessed to be with you, happy anniversary.'

'I love you too Jeffrey Robert Collier, you mean so much to me and have been my rock this past year, happy anniversary to you as well love.'

Jeff smiled at his wife before he lent in to claim her lips in his mouth once more. The pair lost themselves in their kiss thinking about how they were going to start their new life together, for now; they were in each other's arms that would be a good enough start. The year had indeed been tough, but, their bond is unbreakable, not even Karl could break it. They were closer now than they ever were before and looked forward to what was to come. At that precise moment in time, neither knew what the future would hold, but, as long as they had each other, they could survive anything.

**A / N – Thank you **


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